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Includes Expert Content
Am I moving too fast?
crohn_girl posted:
So, I just broke up with my ex a month ago and now I have a new boyfriend. I am 20 years old and we were friends for 4 years and I had a crush on him the whole time even when I was dating my ex. Ben is a wonderful guy so I am happy I am dating him. We are going on are first couples date (just us and not our friend group) we are going to see Contagion and going to the Macaroni grill. He offered to pay since it's a date. He's picking me up at my house tomorrow night since I don't drive. I have Crohn's disease and he's really understanding about it. But, not sure if going out with Ben after recently breaking up with my ex is a good idea. I mean we both moved on and we are both ready to date other people. And me and my ex are just friends now. Any advice?

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Anon_121810 responded:
How is he your "boyfriend" and you are "dating", but you have not gone on a date ?? What exactly is moving too fast, you haven't even been out yet? Most people wouldn't already be calling him your boyfriend, JMO. Pretty confusing what you are asking.....
fcl responded:
How long were you with your ex. How deeply involved were you? Who broke up with whom? Do you still have feelings for your ex?
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
Anon_121810 replied to fcl's response:
They were together a few years and she cheated on him with the new guy and then decided she wanted to be with him instead.
Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD responded:
You might find it helpful to just take this one step at a time. You say that you and your boyfriend are both ready to move on, but it sounds like you have serious doubts about whether you really are ready to move on.

Here are some of my thoughts about how to approach this: Are you comfortable going on a date with Ben (not thinking about it any further than that)? If you are, try going on the date. If not, tell him you'd like to wait- or explain you'd like to go out, but aren't ready yet to really jump into another relationship. If you go on the date, allow yourself to see how it feels. You don't need to take it further as an intimate relationship. Depending upon how you feel, you might choose to develop a platonic friendship more for the time being. Along these lines, I know you referred to Ben as your new boyfriend, but you might find it helpful to think of him as a date, rather than a boyfriend (which really ups the level of seriousness and commitment).

Finally, I think it's really important for you to think about how your thoughts of what to do, my suggestions, or others' advice "sit" with you. Remember, this is a personal situation that's all about what works for you.
gd9900 responded:
I guess I can't help but wonder, if you broke up with your bf in large part because of your "crush" on this guy you refer to as your new bf. It occurs to me you posted previously when this guy made a move you were into it without regard for your (now ex) bf. Could this be because you invested time in your crush/fantasies about this other guy thereby taking the focus away from the relationship with your now ex bf? A romantic relationship involves more than a crush can fulfill. Are you satisfied giving up the relationship you had with your ex bf to be with the new bf?

You have to decide if you are moving too an outsider looking in, I think you could benefit taking time away from a relationship and focusing on you, your wants, your needs. Figure out what you can do for yourself and where others can fill in the gaps.
caramelskin01 responded:
It depends on you. We can tell you , but you have to ask yourself are you ready. Are you you moving too fast? No. But i havent just gotten out of a relatioship either. Ask yourself are you on the rebound?.. Now, then you all have known each other for four years...See to me ...I would be like ...well....??

Take your time. Even though we say we moved on , sometimes we really havent. It's nothing wrong with going on a date or dinner. But you both need to sit back and enjoy each other. Ask yourself..If my ex was to ask me back, would I go back??? Yeah pump the breaks, and slow down, before you hit a speed bump.
Anon_53394 responded:
I am confused the other guy in the other posts name was Andy and now his name is Ben....which is it?

And I know people with Crohn's so I am not trying to be mean or anything, but how does it stop you from driving??
cjh1203 responded:
You were moving too fast when you cheated on your ex with him. I'm not sure why you're asking about this, because you had already made up your mind you were going to date him. Just see how it goes.
ImMe26 replied to Anon_53394's response:
I also think that she has twin 3 yo girls and a new baby boy.......she seems to have started really fast and this post makes my skin crawl.

Why not focus on your 3 very tiny kids and stop worrying about a BF??? For now atleast. You should have your hands soo full right now, that you dont have time for these "play dates" with different men...
stephs_3_kidz responded:
This was your post from 3 days ago on a Pregnancy board:

I just had my son Aiden Michael at 36 weeks, I posted the other day about being worried that my 3 year old twin girls would harm their baby brother since they are terrible 3 year old. Izabella instantly fell in love with her brother whereas Michelle thinks she won't get enough "Mommy time" now that her brother was born.

Aiden Michael was born at 7:30am this morning weighing 6 pounds 1 oz 18 1/2 inches long. He is small. Since he was 4 weeks early he developed jaudice but other than that he is in perfect health. They want to keep me and the baby in the hospital for another 2 days to monitor me and Aiden since I had preclamsia and high blood pressure throughout my pregnancy.

My fiance is at home watching the twins. I will keep you all updated

So you had a baby 3 days ago and you're going on a date with some new guy while your fiance is home watching the twins? I'm voting "YES" you're moving too fast on this one!
stephs_3_kidz replied to stephs_3_kidz's response:
I'm voting "YES" you're moving too fast on this one!

And also, you're obviously lying about something. Who comes home from the hospital, leaves their newborn baby and 3yo twins, and goes straight out to a movie and dinner? Come on. Please.
elle0317 responded:
You are so fast I can't even see you!! You have 3 children to look after and you are worried about some dude??? You are 20 years old and mother, start acting like it, for your childrens' sake. You sound very immature.
crohn_girl replied to elle0317's response:
My fiance is home with the baby and twins.
cjh1203 replied to crohn_girl's response:
So you have a fiance AND a new boyfriend?

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