Skip to content

Announcements

Attention: The information provided in this forum is intended for educational purposes only, and is not a substitute for individual professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment.
how can i accept this is whats happening now and stop being inpatient?
avatar
An_240741 posted:
Just wondering what others thoughts are and whether you experienced this before?


Im in late 20s and engaged to a fantastic guy a couple years younger. He used to say he wanted to wait until he was over 30 to plan kids (of course putting me 2 yrs older again).
I get clucky often, all my friends are having babies. One of my dreams in life is to have a family and I'd easily start now if my fiance agreed.


I dont dare rush him though and I want us both to be in it together. I'm happy to wait.


I worry though that if i wait we'll have problems with falling pregnant (i do actually have some problems with period but thats not saying i will have trouble..), I also just get inpatient and want to at least have an idea on when we can plan. like a year, 2 yrs not just play it by ear.


My fiance definitely wants kids but each time i talk about the idea he avoids.


what do i do?! how can i stop being inpatient ?
Reply
 
avatar
gd9900 responded:
IMHO, it appears half the battle has been won - agreeing to have children. When that will happen is important to consider but at this point more relevant to you. I understand why from what you've shared.

I'm sensing a bit of insecurity on your part that you may want to look at and find your own resolve with. Maybe talk it out with a girl friend, your obg/yn, or a therapist? Perhaps others here will have better insights to offer.

His avoidance is concerning...at this point it may be off-putting to him to discuss a "time frame" because he is not quite ready...if he's getting the impression you are, he may be afraid of disappointing you. I'm not suggesting you don't talk about having/wanting children but rather find a way to do so without creating pressure for him. Does that make any sense??
 
avatar
darlyn05 responded:
Do the two of you have a date planned for the wedding? Are the two of you financially stable as well as in your relationship? Are there things either of you wish to do in life before having children(I'm thinking on his part)?


I don't know what the "odds" are these days, scientifically. As a woman ages the likelyhood(sp) of her ability to nourish the fetus in her womb could result in birth defects or child illnesses. My neighbor has a daughter that her and her husband waited to have children, not sure of the age but I estimate between mid to late 30's, they had a son who was born with downs syndrome. And have a difficult time caring for him. Each individual is different. I also had a friend that explained to me that when her parents went to school functions or other events that she felt as though her "grand parents" were attending. And someone else I know who waited for later years is upset with themselves because they are incapable of many things they had invisioned doing with their child.

Just something to think about.
 
avatar
FCL responded:
Why not just ask him what it would take for him to want to have a child now? And don't let him wriggle out of the question.
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
 
avatar
An_240741 replied to FCL's response:
Thanks for your advice so far


I'll definitely be talking to him more about the options. I just worry that he doesnt see where I'm coming from - with being a women, slightly older than him and wishes to not be an older mum. Not that I see that as a problem but just my personal wishes have always been to be younger and able to enjoy doing things with my kids.


Its all definitely something to think about and hopefully he can see where im coming from..
 
avatar
FCL replied to An_240741's response:
And, you know, the chances are that what is hiolding him back is some unreasonable fear He may be waiting for the absolutely perfect time when we all know that there is no such thing.

Let us know how things go!
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
 
avatar
naggingwife74 responded:
I am just wondering if maybe he doesn't want to talk about it now since you haven't even gotten married yet. You said you are engaged, do you have a date set? He may feel that things are going a little too fast since you are still engaged and you are already talking about having a baby.

Maybe you should take some time to get married then enjoy being a married couple with no kids for at least a short time. Anyone can have trouble conceiving and trying now just because you are worried and want to make sure it isn't a problem really isn't the best reason to have a baby.

Also, if he has said that he wanted to wait until he was at least 30 really does give you the answer your looking for, even if it isn't the one you want. It is always better to wait until you are both ready rather then pressure one into it because the other one is ready.
 
avatar
stephs_3_kidz replied to naggingwife74's response:
I agree with everything naggingwife said.


Featuring Experts

Dr. Becker-Phelps is a well-respected psychologist, who is dedicated to helping people understand themselves and what they need to do to become emotio...More

Helpful Tips

Trust
Was this Helpful?
1 of 5 found this helpful

Related News

There was an error with this newsfeed

Related Drug Reviews

  • Drug Name User Reviews

Report Problems With Your Medications to the FDA

FDAYou are encouraged to report negative side effects of prescription drugs to the FDA. Visit the FDA MedWatch website or call 1-800-FDA-1088.