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Anon_234655 posted:
My boyfriend and I have been dating for a while now, and we currently live 2 hours apart. We obviously only see each other on weekends, which is difficult as it is, and we talk and text on the phone daily. We both want to move in with each other, but neither of us want to move. I have a very good job, I love it here, and I also have two children that I do not want to uproot and have to make them leave what they know and love. Plus my son's father would not take it very lightly, and would more than likely try and drag me through the court systems again. Not something I want to go through again considering how hard it was last time. On the other hand, my boyfriend has a very nice home in a gorgeous, quiet area where he lives, and he also has a great job. Plus, he has a little girl that he is currently fighting for custody for. Only downside to that area is that it is a small town, and there is not a lot of opportunity there for jobs, and really no place to advance, literally nothing.

We are both kind of at a standstill because we really want to be together, but we feel stuck and we don't know what to do. There really is no right or wrong answer, but we both feel like we don't have any answers. We have talked about it, and he has said that his heart is telling him to move and not worry, but his head is telling him different. My head and heart tell me not to move because I would not be happy. The only thing I would be happy about is being with him and seeing him everyday, but I would be miserable, and that would change everything with us, so I guess I wouldn't be truly happy, and that would not be worth it. I love this man with all of my heart, and everything in me wants this to work, and he feels the same, but this long distance thing is just too much on the both of us, and we don't know what to do.

Any suggestions??
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gd9900 responded:
First, I commend you both for taking time to think about and discuss the impact a move for either of you would have on your own lives.

I'm curious if either of you have thought of/talked about him moving and either finding work in your area or telecommuting with his current job...with the premise he keeps his house? Maybe as a temporary compromise? I'm thinking that would allow you all live and work where you live currently during the week and would allow you to spend weekends at his house.
 
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Anon_234655 replied to gd9900's response:
That is a great suggestion, however, I would only see that working out short term. He could "move" here and stay during the week and find a job here, and we could spend weekends at the house, but that is still $1600 house payment for him and plus paying rent for me, plus all of our other bills. And what happens when my lease is up and the both of us want to move in together or we want to buy a home together , and what if we want to get married? And we still have the issue with his little girl...that is a big deal for the both of us because I would never take that opportunity away from him to be with her, or for us to be a family for that matter. There are so many things to consider, and the fact that things are pretty serious as it is. Not only do we need to think of a short term solution, but something that is going to work in the long run. We need some kind of compromise that is going to work for all of us, and something that will make all of us happy, and not just something to "settle" for, otherwise that issue will just sit underneath and eventually boil to the surface and cause problems later on. I really want this to work for everyone involved, and for everyone involved to be happy and content, and I will work at it with everything I have in me....I just need a little help....
 
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tmlmtlrl responded:
I understand that you two want to be together and being that far apart is stressful; however, the bigger deal here is that he is fighting for custody of his daughter right now. So even though the situation may suck right now, you have to wait until he gets that taken care of.

Just stay focused on being together when that's done. How long do you have left on your lease? Maybe you can agree to get a house together when your lease is up and he is done w/court. In the meantime you could be looking at homes in your area to pacify your time.

Sorry I don't have anything better for you. This is just a hump of time you have to get through for now.


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