Relationships and Coping Community

There's not actually a lot of men that hang out on this board in particular.

What is your point of asking random and broad questions and somehow thinking only GUYS should answer. What are your expectations of the answers? Do you really think that a guy is going to have that different of an answer on this topic than a woman?

If you have a scar and it bothers you in some way why not talk about it with us and we can offer opinions? Or does your SO have a scar? Do scars bother you?

I am going to reply but I am a woman. If you only want mens' perspectives, go to a men only board. (where you will still get women to answer.)

I have 3 very big c section scars. My dh loves them, they are the stories of our lives together.

I also have a big scar on the back of my hand from a 3 wheeler accident and he says he likes the history behind it.

Scars are stories of your past, nothing to be bothered by. If someone doesn't like them, tell them to look away.

No I don't mind who answers.

I honestly just wanted to see how guys perceive scars that's all.

I do have a scar (several actually) and it does bother ME.

I guess I shouldn't be so "one sided" anymore.

I understand c sections scars but those are "easily" to hide and I don't think you'd show them off to people who ask. (unless you are very outgoing and proud of them, then by all means). Scars are from your past, but then again when people gawk at you and don't ask you about it, then imagine how self conscience it makes that individual (me). Which is why I intended for this post for male's opinions.

Well my scar is from an open heart surgery and frankly, I've never been comfortable talking, hinting at it, or even having pictures being taken when its obvious you can see it. I'm sure you will all say "oh but it save your life" "you shouldn't let a little scar bother you" "who cares what people say" etc. I know because I have gone through convo with my family multiple times in why I'm so difficult in the shopping department.

Actually you are wrong. My first c section scar is not easy to hide if I wanted to wear a bikini or half shirt. I goes from my belly button down. They used staples and those left huge scars.

Also the scar on my hand is huge, it cover the entire hand. People stare all the time. It's all about having confidence in who you are and not giving a damn what other people think.

Your scar seems as it would be easy to hide as well. Most shirts I am sure would cover it up. The only person that would really see it would be the person you are in a relationship with. If he wouldn't want to be with you because of that then he isn't worth much. If people see it and gawk at you and it bothers you then you should wear something different so it doesn't show.

My mom had open heart surgery about 5 years ago and I have only seen the scar because she loves to show her battle wounds. She wears appropriate shirts when she goes places so she can have it covered. If you really don't want to talk about it or have people look at it you just have to buy clothes that keep it covered. No matter what someone here thinks of scars, we can't speak for all of the people that you run into in your everyday life.

However, if you are saying that you are self conscience in front of your bf or husband then you need to have this talk with him. If he is in love with you he should be sensitve to how you feel and he should be trying to make you feel better.

I don't think it's fair for everyone to blow off your feelings about your scar. It might not be right for you to believe that's all people see when they look at you, but perception is reality.

I'm not sure as far as advice right now. I'm thinking. I know there are things about myself that I feel that way about and to the extreme. It sucks. It's uncomfortable and even though I know those thoughts shouldn't be there some times it's hard to ignore them.

Have you ever tried the hard talk with the mirror? Basically standing in front of the mirror, telling yourself you are beautiful and that you accept yourself, and then take a few steps back and saying it again. Maybe even adding a convo about what it is and why, so you can be more comfortable to talk about it.

At some point it's important for it to be engrained in your mind that this is how it is, this is who you are, and it's okay. It really is okay. I know that's something that comes with time though.

Truth is there's not a whole lot of people shallow enough to care that you have a scar. If it's big and obvious then yeah people are gonna notice, but once past that they will look at you and see YOU.

The real tough part is for you to get to a point of accepting what you see and being able to talk about it without it being so painful.

My husband was hit by a school bus when he was in Kindergarten. He broke his leg, and he had several deep wounds to his head, arms, and legs as a result.

He has a pretty big scar on his forehead near his hairline that drives him insane. He's VERY self-conscious about it, honestly I don't even notice it. There was a slight fracture in the skull there and so the scar has kind of a raised place under it. He's always trying to cover it not because he thinks that I think it's ugly (and really, it's not) but because HE doesn't like to be reminded of what he went through. It was a nightmare for him.

So maybe your scar reminds you of whatever it was that caused it?

I have had a c-section, gallbladder removal, and a tubal. I have scars from all 3 but I am not personally bothered by mine. I do have other things about me that I find completely annoying but other people don't even notice.

If your scar bothers you, and if you take notice of it a lot, then it's not for anyone else to tell you how it shouldn't, rather, an opportunity for you to come to the understanding that your scar does not define you.

I have to jump in here because I watch Top Chef every Wednesday, great show! The host Padma Lakshmi has a long scar down her forearm.
She is still a very beautiful woman. She doesn't try to hide it either. She's in great shape and I can't help but notice she wears a lot of sleeveless shirts. I can tell this doesn't bother her at all.
Anyway, just wanted to share! Great topic!

My children's father was attacked by a dog when he was about 3 y/o. It picked him up by his face and shook him. He had over 150 stitches in his face and neck. I honestly had kinda forgotten about that until this thread. Others here know this, but he is deceased now. So, actually thank you for reminding me. He was strikingly handsome. His scars were just another part of him.

Oh, that gives me chills...how terrified he must've been!!

Yeah, I think my husband is very, very handsome. He is just very self-conscious about the scar. When he brings it up I tell him, "Well, I've only known you WITH the scar, so I guess it must've just made you cuter, bc I sure like what I see!"

He just rolls his eyes and laughs.

JoAnna; Given how you feel about this, I'm guessing that sharing here is difficult for you. I give you a lot of credit for doing it. And, I'm glad that you have shared; I'm hoping that the responses here are helpful. So, I'm also wondering what your thoughts and feelings are about the responses you are getting.

I do and always have hidden my scar. I don't wear dresses, I don't wear tank tops, I don't wear bathing suits (if I do, I'll wear a shirt over I), so I don't go around showing off my "girls". I'm a big girl to begin with and personally my "girls" are quite visible without any help of a low cut shirt.

I think my bf is too nice and won't say anything, but I know at times he does notice it and just smiles and looks away.

Oh I've had plenty of talks with myself in front of the mirror but it just doesn't feel the same. I know I'm pretty (beautiful is stretching it a bit) but I have that form of confidence. Its been apart of me and who I have been for so long that I'm not necessarily ashamed, I'm more cautious and wish people would just let it be.

I agree, she is a very pretty woman but her scar is on her arm. My scar is from my collarbone to about a finger width above my belly button so its quite obvious.