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anyone been married 8+ years and thinking about divorce?
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lostlove2011 posted:
I've just been thinking about a divorce, ar at least seperation for me and hubby!! It's hard, we dated for about 8 years, been married that many, and have a child together, and i've just fallen out of love with him. I do love him, in some ways, but not the feel good, happy to see him, happiness that i used to feel a few yrs ago. i'm just wondering, and i know all cases are different, all people vary, byut wondering if I'll be happier without him? he's never really tried to much in our relationship, i was always the giver, and now, i'm sick of it all. he's trying now, but only b/s he knows i'm ready to hang up the towell.. i'm mid 40's, and just wondering what single life is like... anyone??? any ideas?
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naggingwife74 responded:
Have you ever heard the saying, the grass is always greener? It really does sound like that's what you are going through.

Single life is different for everyone. My sister is 43. She has been divorced 6 years and is very lonely. She hates the weekends and night time. She dates but finds it hard to find someone she wants to spend time with. She has been very unhappy and lonely for a few years now. She hangs out with friends and family but we are all married or in relationships so she is always by herself which she says gets really sad for her.

I was divorced for several years but have been in a relationship for the past 7 years. I loved being single. I didn't really date much but I loved having the house to myself and time to myself. There were times when I would get really lonely. Finding someone to date was not as easy as I thought it would be and that got me depressed. Now that I have found my dbf, I can say that I don't ever want to be single again. I do know what I have and even though it takes a lot of work on both our parts; it's worth it.

It does sound like your relationship has been this way since the begining and all of a sudden you want it to be different. You have to realize that isn't really fair to him. He is doing what he has always done, you are the one that has changed. Are you willing to give him some time to try and understand what you're not happy with or are you just ready to move on?
 
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BalconyBelle responded:
Given the rest of your story & the way you feel about your relationship, I'd say divorce. As for being single...you already have someone else in mind. Whether he will also leave his spouse and join you in your newly single state is another matter entirely.

Your heart's no longer in your marriage, and you're dismissing your husband's attempts to be the more demonstrative, active partner that you want. It sounds like you've already decided who you want--and it's not him.
 
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naggingwife74 replied to BalconyBelle's response:
Did I miss a huge part of this story somewhere?
 
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An_240414 replied to naggingwife74's response:
Click on her username
 
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naggingwife74 responded:
Interesting. In you other post you dated for 17 years and have been married 10. In this post you dated 8 years and have been married 8. You also said in your first post that you were all in your 50's but here you say mid 40's.

Now that I did read your last post I agree with BalconyBelle. You started having an affair and your feelings have never been the same for your husband. I would say divorce your husband, at the very least, he deserves that.
 
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naggingwife74 replied to An_240414's response:
Thank you anon! )
 
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ImMe26 responded:
Ummm your leaving out the part about you having an affair with another man.....so its not as simple as "Just wondering what the single life is life"....tell the truth.
 
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ImMe26 replied to ImMe26's response:
  • *meant LIKE.
  •  
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    Anon_596 responded:
    From the first discussion: ok, so i've been with DH for 17 years, married 10 of those--------We are all almost 5o years old From the second discussion: Anyone been married 8 years and thinking about divorce?---------we dated for about 8 years--------- i'm mid 40's They both match mathematically and I believe she left out the other man in this discussion because as she said in her first discussion she knows she should not be involved with him and is trying to keep that part out of the equation while attempting to make a decision. Which by the way never works because he is still in the back of your mind. I realize you started a new discussion hoping for additional replies beings you received 2 on your first discussion. Put some thought into the first 2 replies to this discussion. I think you'll find some answers within those. I think it's likely that you're desire is to recapture a younger excitement that may be distorted as with the stereotype of a mans mid-life crisis where he dumps his aging wife, buys a sports car, parties, makes very poor choices, and gets a girlfriend 1/2 his wifes age. Don't fall into that trap. I suggest you completely forget about the other man and concentrate on what is truly going on inside of you. You are feeling out of sorts with yourself.
     
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    Anon_596 replied to Anon_596's response:
    8 years it should read in the 3rd sentence.
     
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    Anon_596 replied to Anon_596's response:
    OK, "plus" sign is not showing up for some reason so I'll spell it out

    8 plus years.


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