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Living with Compulsive Hoarding
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Anon_168180 posted:
I allowed my girlfriend and her son to live with for the past 26 months while we feel out our relationship and see where things are heading. At first, I thought that I was doing a good deed by giving her some space and storage space in my garage and reducing her rented storage space to get her life organized after losing her house to foreclosure earlier in the year that we first met. Since then, she has been unemployed and living off generosity of myself and others to help support her bills and existence. However, the relationship has been worn thin by the constant needs and acquistion of more unneeded stuff. I now have a house full of her possessions in half the house and basement as well as my entire garage. She still has her one bedroom apartment just four miles away that is packed full of stuff, but she refuses to reside there. She does not want to carry the burden of regular household chores (cooking, cleaning, etc.) and has never paid a dime to the household bills, only contributing food with some food stamps occasionally. I have reached my breakpoint, that she would be required to find work and give up a majority of her possessions to make the relationship work as well as permanantly relocate. She has little family left with no so good relations so not much to rely on. She has decided that she does not want to change school districts or get a real job with steady pay. I feel that I have done my part in giving the relationship a chance to succeed, but also realize that I must make major changes to support my own two children that live with me half the time and their advancement into college in a few years. Although I still really love this person in many ways, I feel that I cannot overcome the hoarding behaviour and financial stresses of a one income family on my salary alone. We have decided on four previous breakups that we are going our own ways and she was moving out, but they always come and pass with another excuse why she cannot prioritize it. It hurts that it has come down to this decision, but I am afraid that I must forceably have her removed with legal means. We are now entering another I am leaving by period, and I hope this time it is real, but she is still done nothing to pack or remove her belongings. I am still being to soft? I have tried to make things not as comfortable in the hope that it just is not worth it to her anymore by cutting off any financial support and not cooking when my kids are gone.
Desparately seeking relationship and legal advice!
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stephs_3_kidz responded:
Oh my goodness!! What a stressful situation you are in, I am truly sorry for that.

It sounds like you've tried everything in your power to carry the burden of the relationship for way too long.

I think your idea of having her forcibly removed is probably the best one. Then send her the bill for the cleanup.
 
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darlyn05 responded:
I have to agree with putting an end to this in all regards. It seems to me, for me, that this situation is unhealthy for myself/yourself and your family. Not exactly what you want as a role model for your children or for them to be exposed to.

Each state has different criteria for having someone removed or evicted from your home. You can do a google seach for your state concerning eviction or eviction process. Also I would look into small claims court for the cost in all involved for this.

Good Luck!
 
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stephs_3_kidz replied to darlyn05's response:
I would think all he'd have to do is call the sheriff's office and tell them he wants her out! She doesn't pay for anything and doesn't own the house.

He's not her landlord, he just wants out of the relationship and rid of her junk.
 
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BalconyBelle responded:
I'd get her to sign something saying she (and her stuff) would be out by X-Date, with the agreement that she was not under duress at the time of signing, and get it witnessed. Public notary would be preferred, but anyone not directly related to either him or her should suffice.

The reason being she's lived with him for just over two years, and it could become a gray area as to whether or not they have a common-law marriage (he said/she said claims). Each state's requirement for one is slightly different, so to insure she doesn't claim that status and try to counter-sue him for damages if he tries to evict her, he needs to essentially have her voluntarily sign an intention to vacate/quit claim notice and get it witnessed--and keep the document in a safe place.

Once that's done, if she still refuses to leave by the appointed date, he can get the sheriff's office/police department involved to forcibly evict her. Most likely that will take take of things from a legal standpoint.

PS: I am NOT a lawyer, this is my opinion, and no substitute for official legal counsel.
 
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darlyn05 replied to stephs_3_kidz's response:
That would be nice. It sure would help people in such a situation. And I have to say that within my state, to which I have done extensive research on, it is up to the state's govern to put the regulations in place. And in my state they do look upon this sort of situation as that he is the landlord. Even if it was his own adult child, he is the landlord and it can be a complicated process to resolve.
 
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naggingwife74 replied to darlyn05's response:
You can only be considered a landlord if you have a tenant.

You can only be a tenant if you have an agreement/contract to pay rent.

The OP and his gf are/have niether.
 
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tmlmtlrl replied to stephs_3_kidz's response:
I think more of the point is that that is her legal residence. He wouldn't be allowed to 'throw' her out legally if wanted to. He needs to evict her.

Laws do vary by states so he should definitely look into (seek legal guidance) what his options are.

An eviction is usually 30 days (after paperwork). If he would have her sign a paper agreeing to leave by a certain date and she doesn't then he might be able to file the 7 day Notice to Quit. After that he could have a police officer move her belongings to no-mans-land (the curb).

@Balcony - I've never heard of a two year common law marriage... Definitely something worth looking into!!!

I also think he probably knows he'll never get any money from her. He sounds more like he just wants her gone anyway.

It sounds like this will be an emotionally hard time. I wish you good luck with all of it. It is in your best interest to start legal proceedings now. It'll come down to that either now or later...
 
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Anon_168180 responded:
Thanks for your comments and sympathies. I am lucky to not live in a common law marriage state (usually 7 years) and I have sought legal advice. Essentially, tenant law does not apply so I cannot evict her, but I can have her removed from my property by the police for criminal trespass. I am hoping that it does not come down to that and we are able to reasonably to go our separate ways with sufficient time allowed. Although I am emotionally hurting, I believe that it will be better in the end than continuing trying to make things work.
 
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stephs_3_kidz replied to naggingwife74's response:
Yeah, he's not her landlord. He's her boyfriend and wishes to NOT be that anymore.

She contributes to nothing except destroying his home.
 
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stephs_3_kidz replied to tmlmtlrl's response:
It might be her legal residence, but she has an apartment so it's not like she won't have anywhere to go.
 
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tmlmtlrl replied to Anon_168180's response:
Well color me wrong. I guess you can throw her out. I forgot you said she has her own place too she just refuses to go there.

Have you had a serious conversation with her to let her know that if she doesn't leave by a certain date that you'll have to make her leave? I don't know if there's a nice or gentle way to put it.. hmm.
 
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stephs_3_kidz replied to darlyn05's response:
There was a story on our local news recently about a boy and his girlfriend who murdered the boy's father and HIS girlfriend. There are records of the father calling the police on numerous occasions because he couldn't get the boy to leave (he is 19) and the police telling him that he doesn't pay his father rent or contribute to any bills, therefore his father is not bound to allow him to stay there.

I'm in VA.
 
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darlyn05 replied to Anon_168180's response:
I'm in WI and a couple of yrs ago my H looked into getting his DS removed from the house. It was sort of like an eviction process but I can't remember the details. Whatever it was, it worked. I do remember however that it was in the statues of landlord/tenant involving relation.

Good Luck!
 
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ImMe26 replied to darlyn05's response:
Nope doesnt apply , she has a residence...her apt.....as long as she doesnt get mail there......he can have her put out at any moment.


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