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get turned off by this suddenly, dont know what to do!!
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An_241258 posted:
Hi everyone,


I didnt know who else to bring this up with so thought i'd see what other people on here think...


Basically my partner and I are in a very loving relationship. We both want children and plan to start trying in a year. I'm being a typical woman though and the clock is ticking so i wouldnt care if it was sooner. I respect my partners decision though.


So the issue is...when it comes to love making, all is going fine. I know we need to use a condom so not fuss there. But sometimes during the act my partner has made comments about pre-cum and not being too close to my bits, and also double checking the condom. I end up feeling so turned off i am dry and in turn the whole experience just hurts...I am telling him its hormonal dryness but i just get put off by him seeming like its so awful to even risk impregnating me! we end up using lubricant but it doesnt help my interest levels...


I can respect his fear COMPLETELY! but I just get so turned off when he does it.


is this normal??
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fcl responded:
If he is really paranoid about this, I wonder whether he is as ready as you think to have children... I mean, if you both want to start TTCing in a year's time, would it really be the end of the world if you had an "ooops" within that time? Probably not for you but probably for him (I'm making assumptions here ).

Please stop lying to him about why you are drying up. He needs to know the effect his behaviour is having on you. Maybe he's double checking to reassure you. Honestly, you need to talk this over (and not in the bedroom!) so that you both completely understand the other's behaviour and come to terms with it.

Finally, I reckon your reaction is natural if you interpret his actions the way you do.
Good luck.
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
 
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darlyn05 responded:
Am I correct in thinking that the two of you begin intercourse without a condom and later during it make use of a comdom? If so, I can see the interuption disturbing the flow of things.

I read this as he is being conscientious of the time frame agreed upon between the two of you. And you would rather throw caution to the wind (just a manner of speaking) because you honestly would like things to happen sooner, and with you having the thought of conception on your mind is aiding in your desire. So when he continues, abiding to the time frame, it effects your emotional and physical desire.

IF that's the case, I think you're subconscientiously or even conscientiously trying to get pregnant now, which he will see as a betrayal on your part. That idea comes from reading your past posts.
 
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An_241258 replied to darlyn05's response:
thanks for your answers so far. No, we have always used a condom. Actually we tend to masturbate each other more often than actually have sex. I thought this was a fear at first on his part, he was new to the experience. Now we both like either, although half the time just stick to foreplay instead of have to whip out a condom. I am more than ok with the condom but to be honest he has been so 'extra careful' since the beginning so ive never felt that into sex with him. In the past I really enjoyed it and the past guys had a way of shoving on a condom, I always checked it was right and jumped on me without there being an interruption. Now its like "stop! pause everything, just got to make myself a cuppa tea"...or at least it feels like it lol


I would NEVER try to get pregnant now...i refuse to do that regardless of how much my clock is ticking!!
 
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Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD replied to An_241258's response:
I strongly agree with FCL; be honest and talk to him about this. I think that could help a lot, and might be the only way to move forward with this.


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