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When did you know it was really over?
Olivia_WebMD_Staff posted:
Most of us have had relationships that did NOT stand the test of time. And, there are often tell-tale signs.

If this has happened to you, what were the things that let you know it was really over?
3point14 responded:
My biggest sign has always been apathy. For me, once we go through the cycle of fighting all the time to never fighting, I know it's because I don't care enough about the person or the relationship to make it work.

I've stayed through physical abuse, mental abuse, emotional abuse. I've stuck around through getting screwed financially, and having my family dragged into the mess. But once I stopped believing that my SO cared about "fixing" stuff (which was unfixable) I became drastically less invested. It didn't matter what kind of outrageous behavior followed, once I realized that the person didn't care about being actually happy with me, I no longer cared about defending myself.

Unfortunately, I've also cheated in the past. When I stopped trying to hide what I was doing, the relationship was essentially over.
lostlove2011 replied to 3point14's response:
am thinking of buying my dh a new truck, if he'll divorce me.. i think that realization makes me think of how desperate i am.. i will pay $30,000 if he'll just walk away peacefully!!!
kristinmarie722 replied to 3point14's response:
When I found him texting another girl AGAIN.
I knew that it was never going to change.
But when he turned violent on me for calling him out on his bad behavior, I knew I could never be with him again and not have the neighbors and my friends and family look at me- like what the?????? Plus our son saw it and I didnt want him to think that was okay.
kirasmimi responded:
When I just didn't care anymore. I didn't love him but I didn't hate him. I just didn't care about him enough anymore to stay.
An_243426 replied to kristinmarie722's response:
while me and my husband of 15 yrs were going thru some problems and decided it would be best to seperate for 5 months. Well in that course of time he did meet someone else who he told me about...Didnt think nothin about it cause I also was dating someone else ...But I knew it was really over when he refused to delete her old pics on his pc and digital camera .. and to this day they are still there .. TIME TO MOVE ON ..
womyns responded:
I was going on a trip to Costa Rica with my Partner of 12 years, Married for 10 years. 3 weeks before we were going to leave on this trip, a friend of mine from her work group called me (this is the group we were traveling with) and said you're not scheduled to go on the trip another women is scheduled to go. That's when I knew"026"026"026"026"026"026"026"026"026"026"026"026"026..
Anon_51860 responded:
After 17 years of spouse infidelity.........years of liesand deceit........he finlly made a mistake one evening. His high-tech phone camo on with a voicemail recording of a sexual assault he was foricing on a youg omn, and the next day I found the voicemail on my phone!

Apparently , hole the phone isattahedto his belt, the rustling of his clothes must have auto- called me, Meehan I didn't answer, the voicemail came on. That was enough evidence to file for a divorce. By the way, if he intimadaes his victim enough, they will not file a police report, therefore he can continue to do these atrocious activity with no recourse . Let's hope someday he is caught and taken off the street to prevent this insidious behavior!

Sent by my IPad
An_243643 responded:
When i felt like i was on a train ride to hell for 20 years and was the first to have a baby, and there was another baby born 9 months apart and he kept with the same woman over and over and i busted him i wanted to kill him but had to think of my child with him who needed me more i realized he did not love me, when he did not say sorry for the times he was busted i had to just end it.I could not waste no more years i felt like a fool.
aldevra3 replied to 3point14's response:
no wonder your marriage was a disaster. You should have been honest and left a long time ago. Of course you did not care you were screwing around. classic case
BalconyBelle replied to aldevra3's response:
Pi wasn't married to the disastrous ex's. She has suffered abusive relationships in the past, but they're over now. She's grown as a person, is no longer a party in a toxic relationship, and is no longer repeating the same destructive patterns of behavior. She's in a healthy, committed, monogamous relationship now, and has been for several years.
3point14 replied to aldevra3's response:
What marriage? I was liiiiike 19 and getting beat up on the regular, too afraid to leave.

And you're right, of course I did not care. That's exactly the whole point of my post, silly. How about if you read what's written?
3point14 replied to BalconyBelle's response:
((hugs)) Thanks for the defense, Belle. I liked reading that, makes me feel like I'm healin' up pretty Ok.

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