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Is anyone seriously Celibate? How is it working out for you?
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An_242223 posted:
(I apologize now for the typos: I'm typing while I am at work! Sad, right?) I suck at relationships. I have no problems getting anyone to want to text me occasionally and sleep with me but I have a much much harder time getting my significant others to be willing to love me and devote as much time to me as I have to them. I will admit that the fault for this is on me (since no one else will claim responsibility). I clearly have an imbalance when it comes to my work and my personal life (i.e., I work 8-10 hours a day and I have no personal life unless I am dating someone) and I get way too emotionally attached to the people I sleep with. So I give up. I'm shutting down the shop, and I don't intend to to change that even on the off chance I do meet someone do-able. I don't expect celibacy to me easy though and I would like some advice from people who take the celibacy thing seriously and aren't just dateless losers like myself (just stating what you readers are likely thinking anyway). Do you have a community? How do you sustain relationships in sex-and-procreation positive society (at least for heterosexuals, anyway) I do want to note that I am heterosexual, in my mid 20s and do not have children (otherwise I would not need advice on how to avoid having sex!). Also, as a progressive, I don't want any comments from people who are "chaste", or saving it for marriage. I'm clearly not a virgin and marriage is something I fundamentally oppose,so there's very little real or objective advice you could offer.
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3point14 responded:
I was celibate for two years (age 18-20). It was aiight. In dating, it put the focus on kissing, cuddling, other forms of affection. I did make sure to tell the people I was dating what was up with me and that I was celibate and it definitely turned some people off, but I'd come to the conclusion that I was unable to have a healthy relationship, so it wasn't hard for me to dismiss people who were pressuring about wanting sex.

Are you sure this is the right choice? I mean, it's most likely not sustainable forever, because you are a sexual person, and when you get back to having sex you'll have done nothing to stop what you consider your overworking/getting too attached tendencies. Why not just work on the things that you feel are making you undateable? Do you have any friends/relatives of the opposite sex that could tell you what might be putting people off of having a relationship with you? Maybe think about seeing a therapist for an unbiased view, and learning coping mechanisms? How have you met the people you sleep with? Maybe you're giving them the feeling all you want is to get laid?

The things you listed: being more emotionally attached, getting more emotionally involved, being very focused on a task (work) and being unable to maintain a romantic relationship are also symptoms of Asperger's. Maybe look into a therapist towards getting some kind of diagnosis? I'm not saying it would bring you immediate peace, but you might learn how to better deal with your innate personality and be able to improve until you can get into a relationship.


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