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It's like I'm watching him fall out of love with me little by little....
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Cjordan85 posted:
My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years and I've always known and been perfectly fine with the kind of guy he is. He's not a romantic nor is he much of a gentleman when it comes to traditional things my southern family taught me should always be done for me. In fact, I fell in love with him even more when I realized he wanted a more relaxed feel between us. Furthermore, In the past 4-5 months I can tell his temper has gotten shorter with me. If I have something on my mind or just want to talk, I can tell he's listening to every 10th word coming out of my mouth because he can't bring himself to even try to be interested in what I'm saying. That was problem #1. #2 Is when we are around his friends from PA where he grew up he hates to hold my hand, kiss me, reveal much proof that at all that he loves me. But once we get home he wants to watch a movie, have sex and go to bed. ?? I don't know how to feel when he does that. Loved? Used? Dumb? ha He is quickly becoming my opponent in our little home instead of my partner and I don't know what to do. Should I do a few little sweet things like a good morning note on his night stand before I leave to see if that would spark something or .... well really that's all I have. Any idea what is going on with him or with me???
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darlyn05 responded:
It sounds to me that old sayings about the honeymoon phase of a new relationship comes into play here, the one about love is blind, and the enthrallment/infatuation of a new relationship, the attentive/getting to know eachother/impress eachother. Very common and human in nature so I wouldn't beat you or your boyfriend up over it. I do think you need to discuss this with him at a time that you think he may be more receptive to your ideas as in he's serious about your relationship. Over a quiet dinner?

You can tell him that you always had the desire for chivalry from him and with the excitement of the newness of your relationship it was sort of blinded or put on the back burner. And as your time together has progressed you are noticing or realizing that it means a bit more to you to be overlooked.

Also that the getting to know eachother never stops because as individuals we should continue to grow, change, evolve so attentive listening/communication/conversation is essential in maintaining a close bond and knowing the person your with, closest to. Personal goals, shared goals and plans, personal integrity, values, likes and dislikes. The ever changing cycle of life.

It sounds as though he doesn't get together very often with his friends from PA, sort of like how often is Christmas, Thanksgiving, birthdays, anniversaries and he gets caught up in catching up with them. Like we often do with the examples I mentioned previously. It sounds to me that you would like it if he acknowledge you a bit more, make you part of it a bit more, show his friends your importance to him in his life a bit more. And at the same time giving him his time to socialize with his friends as being him - who he is - his space. You could talk with him about that as well.

Is part of how you are feeling coming from where you are feeling as to where is this relationship going, headed? What's in the future?
 
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darlyn05 responded:
PS I'm guess that in the beginning he had some romantic qualities or gestures in order to swoon you or get your attention. Time may have blinded them. Getting used to eachother and (too)comfortable with eachother maybe.


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