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    Includes Expert Content
    Daily methods of self esteem improvement
    mamareese posted:
    Other than support groups and reading self help books, what are some other daily methods you can do to build your self esteem while you are trying to get out or improve your relationship?
    darlyn05 responded:
    I don't know where 'you' are in respects to your situation. Do you work outside the home? Are you depressed? Are you feeling like a shut in? How old are you?

    I think a great way to start is with the small and simple pleasures that we often over look and can be done in the comfort of your home: a hot bath with lavendar oil and calming music - do your nails - facial moisturizer - work on those rough areas(heels) with one of those pumis stones or the like - lotion up - if you don't wear make-up regularily put on some mascara - play with your hair to see if there is a different look for you - make it a point to get out of your liesure wear - appreciate you and being a woman, recognize it. It all comes from within.

    As corny as it sounds, do some soul reflection. Get in touch with your inner you and the connections of all things the universe has to offer. Read up on some inspirational quotes, Chicken Soup for the Soul comes to mind.
    Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD responded:
    Another good idea to help you feel good is to keep a gratitude or blessings journal. Each evening, write down 3 positive things from your day that made you feel good. Since you want to focus on improving self-esteem in particular, make the three things observations about you. They can be small or big. Perhaps you noticed what a beautiful day it was, or took the time to enjoy watching a bird in a tree -- both things say something positive about you. Or, perhaps you smiled at a cashier, were patient with your child, cooked for a sick friend, or put yourself into your work (showing a good work ethic). For this to be effective, you must do it daily for at least a month, though I've found that it often takes two months for it to fully help. It will likely continue to help for as long as you do it. Unfortunately, once you stop, the good feelings wane. On the other hand, it feels so good that you may find that you become inherently motivated to continue making note of these things.
    mamareese replied to darlyn05's response:

    Those are all great ideas. I try and do the bath and the nails but overall I need to separate myself more and make time for me.

    I am currently married and I work, which is a great outlet. I am more lonely than depressed. My husband is going through a custody/child support battle. We have been married less than a year, but were friends for three years prior. The battle has been very hard on him and me. He has gone through soo many phases but the one that still exists is no affection or intimacy. He tries, but he can barely bring himself to kiss me most of the time. We talk about it all the time, but the last few months have been wearing me out. He wants all of my attention but when I need anything from him, he shuts me out most of the time.

    I am praying this all changes after the final hearing, so I am looking for another outlet in the meantime. Thank you very much for your response.
    mamareese replied to Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD's response:
    Dr. Becker-Phelps...
    That is a great idea, thanks. I haven't journaled since I was young, but it worked then. I will start tonight. Something new to go along with more personal time might do the trick.
    Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD replied to mamareese's response:
    That's great. Just to reinforce what I said, I've found that people need to write in a gratitude journal daily for it to really help. I'd be curious to hear how it goes for you. So, if you are willing, check back in in a week or two and let us know. Good luck with it, and enjoy!
    mamareese replied to Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD's response:
    Dr. BP...
    I was motivated and working on my journal, but my husband made fun of me two nights in a row. I am starting to feel like he really doesn't want to fix our issues.

    Besides that, I find it a good positive method and good release. I have also been journaling all my thoughts, just getting things off my chest. I will keep it up, despite my husbands negativity.
    Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD replied to mamareese's response:
    I'm glad to hear the journaling is working for you, though I'm also saddened to hear that your husband has made fun of you for it. As you move forward, I suggest you consider your options (what they would mean for you and how they would affect you): keep journaling and ignore his comments, journal away from his sight, talk with him about it to try to explain how his comments affect you (hoping to elicit some understanding from him), or give up the journaling (I don't recommend this).

    Clearly, you are thinking about what his comments mean about your relationship- "I am starting to feel like he really doesn't want to fix our issues." Maybe talking with him about this will give your relationship and him more of a chance? Of course, it could be greater confirmation that he's not willing to work with you.

    Finally, I'm glad you've checked in and hope you continue to do so.

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    Dr. Becker-Phelps is a well-respected psychologist, who is dedicated to helping people understand themselves and what they need to do to become emotio...More

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