Relationships and Coping Community

Hi Chrissy,

Very interesting article. Thanks for sharing. I am 58, divorced for four years after being married for almost 36 years. I should have divorced 10 years earlier, but then, I guess the time wasn't right. Anyway, The last four years have had their challenges, but on the whole, I'm the happiest I've been in a very long time. I love my freedom and like the woman in the story, when I get home from work if I don't want to do anything; that's what I do. If I want to go for a long walk with my dog, which I frequently do, I don't have to worry about anyone else and how my choices effect them. I haven't dated, but I have an active social life with family and a diverse group of friends. I NEVER want to be isolated, but I do enjoy my alone time. The best thing about being single at my age, my dog thinks I'm perfect and there's no one else around to point out my faults! Home is truly a refuge now.

Abnersmom, thank you so much for sharing.
Sounds like you have really embraced and adjusted to signle life. You are so right to point out that although you live alone you never want to be isolated. That's a great point! Have to enjoy the alone time without being lonely, just love being you, and your dog love you too, can't beat it! Good for you and welcome!

Hello again Chris, i read that article also. It was for women, but i enjoyed it, it had some really good points! I have lived alone now for many years, and love my freedom! I still have friends and family around, so not totally isolated. I like to be able to make my own decisions, do what i want to do, when i want to do them. One really huge thing, i dont have to wait for the bathroom anymore! I can come and go when i please. Walk around the apartment naked whenever i want. Its total freedom. I love trying to get dates, i feel like a teenager everythime. Its fun to be on your own! By the way, Chris, i went to the pet store and got two more rats for friends. They are so cute. I will tell you more on the pet page you have set up. Thanks again, great thread!

High Chris,

I read the article and just wanted to give some feed back from the other side of the table as to someone who is married and loving it. I am in fact a polygamist and have 19 wifes, which I love very dearly. We all just get along great and the kids have a great time, but anyway. I meet my first wife when I was 25 in Utah, and from that point I have rounded me up 18 more and I just can't seem to fathem the idea to live alone and be single. I mean when I look at my wife Heather who is 16, I just can't think how anyone could live without that connection to another human being. In fact it scares me to think of that 50% number rising any higher. I hope this helped.

Abnersmom: Your response is a ditto of mine- only one exception: I have a grand pet name Oddo (whom I truly adore
and cherrish.-my son, who is in college living in another city,
has custody of him. Yet, I look so forward to spending time with them whenever they show up for a short visit.I am 53 and have been married twice. Each time for all the wrong reasons- not
for the sake of I am passionately in love with this man and this is truly what I want to do - "commit to the marriage first and then the relationship." First marriage at 21 was to escape or get out on my own- from my grandmother's home- (she did not believe in a single person living on their own) and the next time at 29, I was pregnant with my son. I had not completely recovered emotionally from a long-distance romance with a "player" who I was so attached to emotionally and "in-love" yet I was only spice of life for him. I did not allow myself time to heal emotionally before I became "co-dependent" on a college friend, whom I met before I met my first husband in college...looking for safety and a person who I knew would not hurt a flee...we became intimate and my son was concieved...being a Christian man and never having married before or had any children, and knowing that he did care for me, I agreed to marry him... everything seemed right?
WRONG- this man, who told me during our courtship that he
was bipolar/ schizo-mental illness-(controlled)-no problem- I felt an obligation to him for helping to heal my emotional wounds from the previous relationship. The problem was this man was not employed. I told him to I would consider marrying him after he was employed for at least 6 months; well, as I said I got pregnant with our son- felt that maybe that was a sign. He did get a job; however, in less than 3 months of marriage, he fell and broke his arm/elbow and was out of work for over a year- with two different surgeries; finally when was able to get back to work, he was unstable, quiting jobs due to very dumb and paranoid and delusional reasons. We stayed married for appoximately 21 years. I, like you, stayed for the sake of my son- my ex was an excellent father 100%, but not a provider... even for himself- he wanted to be a "stay at home dad" and allow me to work full-time and extra PRN jobs as a nurse. I kept telling him- to get something part-time to support himself- he wouldn't so - when I turned 50 I walked out of the house and relationship and got an apartment- I finally left the city because since we attended the same church, he was so bitter because I divorced him, I just relocated to another city- promotion through my company. I am happier and at peace now! So, now I am as
Fantasia sings, "I'm doing me now" I am for the first time LOVING MYSELF MORE than OTHERS- even my son!!!!!
I am content, have a wonderful support system-my church memers and co-workers- some who are as close as family.
I, too, don't have to report in to anyone and if I don't want to do anything I don't have to!! It's a FREEDOM I am sure the old negro slaves felt after being freed. I am working on improving myself- and living each and every day to the fullest. PS. My ex-and I have just recently started communicating as humans-he would not even speak to me because of his bitterness related to my divorcing me. I had released all the hatred and bitterness and forgave him long after our divorce- which is now at 3 yrs, yet I "existed" miserable in the relationship -going through major depression for over 5 years of the marriage before getting the courage to leave a miserable situation. I guess I expected him to make me "happy" remember when we connected I was emotional shambles from a previous relationship. So now I am CONTENT in my SINGLENESS... if God should desire someone to be in my life... I will KNOW it - and it will be RIGHT- completely-and not based on me "FEELING LONELY or AFRAID of BEING ALONE" but because that person ADDS to my life-not completes me as a person.

Hello 19WifesANDCounting: sounds like you really enjoy women and young females- age ha no barrier (16). My question is this: In the polygomist liivng arrangement does any of your 19 wife have at least one other younger husband to enjoy as you do the 19 wifes? If so this is a great arrangement... I might even consider doing it if I could have at least one other man since my spouse could chose from 18 others-(just in case he didn't get back around to me in 19 or more days... I would be in a SINGLE state in the relationship for quite some time waiting for him to choose me- that is unless he has sexual relationships with 3 or more women each night... I would sure want to be first especially with HIV and AIDS so pre
valent. You are living the life MOST American men would like to live- with one exception: most of them are married and committed only to one woman...because marriage as instituted by God was originally planned one man and one woman. So, ymost of your fellow commrades are living a lie... being a part of a sacred ceremony, in front of God, family, and friends, making a committment to both God and the woman to love, cherrish, and remain committed and faithful to this one woman through sickness and until death- and keep away from other woman... which I guess is the reason , WHY the VOWS are spoken in front of a group of witnesses; yet, at least your 19 women KNOW they are one of 19 and since they remain with you, they obviously must agree with the terms or they remain out of fear of leaving. I often wonder if there is a woman that would be able to have 19 men remain faithful to her knowing they were one of 19 men she was having sex with? I don't think so.

Hi Pinkardhat,

Glad you have found contentment and happiness. I am not against marriage. It's a wonderful thing for many happy couples. At this point in MY life, I just want to enjoy my freedom and continue working on being a better person in all ways. I know that I played a major role in the failure of my marriage by my controlling and enabling behaviors. I continue to work on those characteristics while enjoying the good ones too! Best of luck to you - enjoy your life!

I have a very strong independent streak and always loved my freedom. I just got married at 44! first marriage and last. ( I hope-
lol) Marriage at this age is really a challenge, since I;ve been on
my own for a while. I am used to doing what I want when I want.
Now its different, I can't always do that. But, I feel my husband
is worth the compromise.
I have to say I love being married, but I truly cherished my single life. I loved my condo , it was small, but all mine! It was truly my refuge. I have always wanted that independence, not everyone
does. And I like the fact that I could make it on my own! Like the
Mary Tyler Moore show....haha

It didnt help me. First you say "I HAVE ROUNDED ME UP 18 MORE" Do you think of women as livestock? Is Heather your most recent catch. It seems to me she is your favorite. I dont have a problem with polygamy except for the fact that underage girls are in these relationships. 16?

Coachteck,

I am with you, is she truly a willing participant or is she truly being raped after being forced to marry a MUCH older man? To each their own but I don't know that at 16 any woman or man is truly in the right mindset to make a committment for the rest of their lives to be with 1 man who has 18 other women to choose from and it sounds like she is there to "breed" since polygamists generally have TONs of kids. I feel for "Heather" since she might not have had a choice in this.