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how to stop loving him
An_244980 posted:
hi
i would like to introduce myself i am married for 8 yrs and have a kid of 6 yrs old. our was a love marriage. but before my marriage i had a soft cornor for my husband friend , i liked him very much. his friend also had love marriage and has got a kid. last year we both met and he expressed his love to me and he informed me that he was in love with long back but didnt have the courage to say . as i also like him very much i accepted his love. but hardly its been a month he got deputation and left abroad with his family. he always spoke to me over the skype on his way to office. daily we used to chat for 30 mins except sat and sun.
of late i feel i should not disturb his family. he is happy with his wife so y should i come in between them. so i tried my level best to communicate this to him but at last he convinces me and he says that he wants me also in his life and says he loves me very very much.
but recently i made up my mind and informed him that forget me and live happily with his wife. i also informed him that i wont be attending his calls.
now my heart is paining,i cant able to concentrate in any of my work, i always feel like crying. my heart is always thinking of him.now also i love me very much but dont want to disturb his family life. i want to forget him completely.
pls somebody help me .
i would like to introduce myself i am married for 8 yrs and have a kid of 6 yrs old. our was a love marriage. but before my marriage i had a soft cornor for my husband friend , i liked him very much. his friend also had love marriage and has got a kid. last year we both met and he expressed his love to me and he informed me that he was in love with long back but didnt have the courage to say . as i also like him very much i accepted his love. but hardly its been a month he got deputation and left abroad with his family. he always spoke to me over the skype on his way to office. daily we used to chat for 30 mins except sat and sun.
of late i feel i should not disturb his family. he is happy with his wife so y should i come in between them. so i tried my level best to communicate this to him but at last he convinces me and he says that he wants me also in his life and says he loves me very very much.
but recently i made up my mind and informed him that forget me and live happily with his wife. i also informed him that i wont be attending his calls.
now my heart is paining,i cant able to concentrate in any of my work, i always feel like crying. my heart is always thinking of him.now also i love me very much but dont want to disturb his family life. i want to forget him completely.
pls somebody help me .
6 Replies |Watch This Discussion | Report This| Share this:how to stop loving himhi<br /> <br />i would like to introduce myself i am married for 8 yrs and have a kid of 6 yrs old. our was a love marriage. but before my marriage i had a soft cornor for my husband friend , i liked him very much. his friend also had love marriage and has got a kid. last year we both met and he expressed his love to me and he informed me that he was in love with long back but didnt have the courage to say . as i also like him very much i accepted his love. but hardly its been a month he got deputation and left abroad with his family. he always spoke to me over the skype on his way to office. daily we used to chat for 30 mins except sat and sun.<br /> <br />of late i feel i should not disturb his family. he is happy with his wife so y should i come in between them. so i tried my level best to communicate this to him but at last he convinces me and he says that he wants me also in his life and says he loves me very very much.<br /> <br />but recently i made up my mind and informed him that forget me and live happily with his wife. i also informed him that i wont be attending his calls.<br /> <br />now my heart is paining,i cant able to concentrate in any of my work, i always feel like crying. my heart is always thinking of him.now also i love me very much but dont want to disturb his family life. i want to forget him completely. <br /> <br />pls somebody help me .
Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD responded:
What you are going through is extremely difficult, so it's important that you do everything you can to hold onto what you think is the right thing to do. Along with what you are doing, try these things: Rely on friends for support. Do things that you would normally enjoy- sometimes it takes a while to enjoy those things again. Remind yourself that you also deserve the full attention and commitment of an available man - while you love him, he cannot give you the peace of mind and full loving attention and commitment of an unattached man. Whatever you do, I want you to understand that every time you have contact with him, you are making it harder to separate from him. So, if you are serious about ending the relationship, cut all communication.
I hope this helps; and I wish you well with moving on to a happier life for yourself.
I hope this helps; and I wish you well with moving on to a happier life for yourself.
Report This| Share this:how to stop loving himWhat you are going through is extremely difficult, so it's important that you do everything you can to hold onto what you think is the right thing to do. Along with what you are doing, try these things: Rely on friends for support. Do things that you would normally enjoy- sometimes it takes a while to enjoy those things again. Remind yourself that you also deserve the full attention and commitment of an available man - while you love him, he cannot give you the peace of mind and full loving attention and commitment of an unattached man. Whatever you do, I want you to understand that every time you have contact with him, you are making it harder to separate from him. So, if you are serious about ending the relationship, cut all communication.<br /><br />I hope this helps; and I wish you well with moving on to a happier life for yourself.
You might find it helpful to read a blog I had written: How to Stop Loving Someone
Report This| Share this:how to stop loving himYou might find it helpful to read a blog I had written: <a href="http://blogs.webmd.com/art-of-relationships/2011/10/how-to-stop-loving-someone.html">How to Stop Loving Someone</a>
DfromSpencer responded:
Your story is very sad. When i first married, my wife still loved another. She cheated on me, and that eventually destroyed our marriage. Dont let that happen to you. You say that your marriage is a loving one? Then you need to concentrate on YOUR husband, and your child, and you!
Longing for another is hard to stop. Most times, there is confusion as to where your heart belongs? If you married your husband out of love, there is where your heart should be!
Another thing, try what Dr. Becker-Phelps says, you may find your answer there? Anything you try, is deffinately worth the effort! If you have a faith, keep strong in that faith! Talk to your pastor/reverend. Rely on your friends.
What ever you do, dont have contact with this other guy! Good luck! Dennis
Longing for another is hard to stop. Most times, there is confusion as to where your heart belongs? If you married your husband out of love, there is where your heart should be!
Another thing, try what Dr. Becker-Phelps says, you may find your answer there? Anything you try, is deffinately worth the effort! If you have a faith, keep strong in that faith! Talk to your pastor/reverend. Rely on your friends.
What ever you do, dont have contact with this other guy! Good luck! Dennis
Report This| Share this:how to stop loving himYour story is very sad. When i first married, my wife still loved another. She cheated on me, and that eventually destroyed our marriage. Dont let that happen to you. You say that your marriage is a loving one? Then you need to concentrate on YOUR husband, and your child, and you!<br /> <br />Longing for another is hard to stop. Most times, there is confusion as to where your heart belongs? If you married your husband out of love, there is where your heart should be!<br /> <br />Another thing, try what Dr. Becker-Phelps says, you may find your answer there? Anything you try, is deffinately worth the effort! If you have a faith, keep strong in that faith! Talk to your pastor/reverend. Rely on your friends.<br /> <br />What ever you do, dont have contact with this other guy! Good luck! Dennis
Anon_6341 replied to DfromSpencer's response:
I can relate to this. Many years ago, I was madly in love with a man. He went through a terrible family loss, and pushed me away rather than let me be there for him. I waited on him, but eventually met my husband and fell in love again, even though I tried not to. I always wondered what happened to my old love. I looked him up for years, never having any luck. I guess I just wanted to know that he was okay and happy somewhere. Well, needless to say, I looked recently and found him living relatively close to me. I initiated contact and he replied. He is married, with a step child and I am married, now with a child. I have a wonderful husband, who is a wonderful father, and I swear I could never find any better...but when i spoke to my old love, those feelings just rushed back for both of us. Now we are both in the same boat, as neither one of us would ever want to hurt our families, but we cannot stay away from each other. It is so hard knowing we should stay away from each other, but yet we cannot seem to make ourselves. I think about him all the time and we just continue to have this weird relationship on the side. I have often thought the same thing, if I could just forget about him...but many years could not make me, so why or how could I now? It is so hard. I dont know what to do either, but I wanted to share since i can understand.
Report This| Share this:how to stop loving himI can relate to this. Many years ago, I was madly in love with a man. He went through a terrible family loss, and pushed me away rather than let me be there for him. I waited on him, but eventually met my husband and fell in love again, even though I tried not to. I always wondered what happened to my old love. I looked him up for years, never having any luck. I guess I just wanted to know that he was okay and happy somewhere. Well, needless to say, I looked recently and found him living relatively close to me. I initiated contact and he replied. He is married, with a step child and I am married, now with a child. I have a wonderful husband, who is a wonderful father, and I swear I could never find any better...but when i spoke to my old love, those feelings just rushed back for both of us. Now we are both in the same boat, as neither one of us would ever want to hurt our families, but we cannot stay away from each other. It is so hard knowing we should stay away from each other, but yet we cannot seem to make ourselves. I think about him all the time and we just continue to have this weird relationship on the side. I have often thought the same thing, if I could just forget about him...but many years could not make me, so why or how could I now? It is so hard. I dont know what to do either, but I wanted to share since i can understand.
firenze3 replied to Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD's response:
Dr. Becker-Phelps, I'm in the same situation as the woman above. My friends don't want to hear me anymore - they are supportive but in the end, it's up to me and it's "eating me alive". Everything you say is true and makes sense, but when you're in it, it consumes you. I do try to keep busy but "my male friend" is also a neighbor and that makes it more difficult. I go to therapy but she just tells me that it's up to me to change. Any other advice?
Report This| Share this:how to stop loving himDr. Becker-Phelps, I'm in the same situation as the woman above. My friends don't want to hear me anymore - they are supportive but in the end, it's up to me and it's "eating me alive". Everything you say is true and makes sense, but when you're in it, it consumes you. I do try to keep busy but "my male friend" is also a neighbor and that makes it more difficult. I go to therapy but she just tells me that it's up to me to change. Any other advice?
firenze3 responded:
I am in the same situation as you are and "it is a breath of fresh air" to see that I'm not alone. I feel everything you are saying and also have no idea how to get through this. I have great friends who have been supportive but this is my issue and I need to try and work it out but am not doing well. I am consumed by it. I wish you well and will be thinking of you.
Report This| Share this:how to stop loving himI am in the same situation as you are and "it is a breath of fresh air" to see that I'm not alone. I feel everything you are saying and also have no idea how to get through this. I have great friends who have been supportive but this is my issue and I need to try and work it out but am not doing well. I am consumed by it. I wish you well and will be thinking of you.
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