Relationships and Coping Community

I'd like to help, but need a little more information. Can you share more about why you don't trust him? For instance: Has he done something to make you question him? Have you had bad experiences with other people that have left you distrustful?

I'm with Dr. Becker-Phelps here. There is a critical lack of information. Please come back, and tell us more, we would like to help.

I have learned, over the course of many relationships, that if you have a trust issue, its because you may not be as in love as you think? When i married my wife, i trusted her with everything! Even my life.

Everyone has alot going on mentally, especially now. Dont let that be the reason you dont trust your husband. There really are nice men out there! Men that will not cheat.

So Sweetgurl, come on back, and tell us more, you'll be glad you did! Dennis

That's the thing he has done nothing to not deserve my trust could it be that things from my past are keeping me from trusting him?

Any time you go into a relationship and can't trust, I would definitely say that past issues/experiences are keeping you from opening your heart fully--especially if your husband has done nothing to not deserve your trust.

Have you been hurt in past relationships (either romantic or otherwise)? Do you have self esteem issues that cause you to think he'd look elsewhere?

Remind yourself that you love him and trusted him enough to marry him, and go from there.

I have been hurt many times in the past and I do have self esteem issues but how can I get to where I can let him in and trust him all the way

I don't know the extent of the hurt you've endured or of your self-esteem issues, so it's hard to give good advice. However, your hesitancy about sharing makes me think that it all might go very deep.

I suspect that you will need to work on facing your struggles within you. Then talking with him about them can help open communication, help you feel his caring where you need it most (assuming that he responds compassionately), and begin the process of you trusting him. If all of this seems like too much, therapy might help you.

I hope this gives you something to think about and is helpful. If you care to share more about your situation, maybe we can help more.

I wish you well.

I am in the same boat I dont trust my husband! He has lied and told less then the whole truth leaving out details of information I ould want to know. I have also been through 2 divorces 1 where my husband had an affair for a year and I thought we were great! I have been abandon my whole life and need him to follow though. There is past hurts and marriage was built on lies but Im willing to go the distance.

Ive been cheated on in the past also, and my jelousy and trust issues drove off every man, and only made me miserable. I would watch miles on their trucks, look at phone, history, computer, etc.. it drove me crazy!! its a hard thing to change, and i think anything is: but I dug down deep and realized that i was the only one that could change me! I now realize that "NOTHING" that I can do will prevent him from cheating.. and if he wanst to cheat, their is always someone and a way to do it. I guess i always just hated the idea that i may not find out about it. Now, i just dont let my mind go there, i no longer "look" for clues, I trust him, and when my mind starts to wonder about something he said, him taking trips, or being on his phone, i just tell myself NO, SNAP OUT OF IT: IT ONLY HURTS ME!! its hard trust me! BUT i can say that watching him, and me being so green was literally worse on me, and killing me slowly!

I'm sorry for getting back to you so late. I have been working at a new job, and it takes up most of my time.

I have one really hard question for you, what are you afraid of? What in your past, could possibly make you NOT trust your husband? You have'nt given us much to go on? You need to sit down, somewhere quiet, and really dig deep. Find any corelation between your past, and your husband? Has he done something in your past, to make you distrust him?

If your problems go so deep, perhaps some therapy might help?

Good luck, and best wishes! Dennis

I have to agree with Dr. Becker-Phelps,

If he's done nothing that would warrant you to distrust him, then the issue likely lies with you moreso than him. However, As a partner in the relationship he also plays a part (even if just a small one). It will be necessary for both of you to overcome this trust hurdle together. Find a good marriage counselor and talk it out - both of you. Even the majority of the problem lies with you (which you haven't given enough information to definitively say one way or another) this will still be good because he can help you as your husband to trust him more.

When I read this, I feel as if I wrote it. I have been divorced twice, and my new husband and I have been married only a month, but together going on three years. I know he has cheated on me, we split up for a month and he begged me back and asked me to marry him, swearing he is a changed man. But I cant seem to trust him. I am making myself sick. I am starting to hate myself because I cant trust him. I know there is nothing I can do if he does, but I want to know if he does, because I will leave him for good. It destroys me that I am not enough for him, that he would mess with other females. I give him plenty of attention. I have no social life because I worry about what he is doing all the time. I cant sleep, I cant eat, and I am making myself so sick worrying that he is talking to other females behind my back.

I fully understand where you are, my husband cheated on me about 3 months ago. We were each other's firsts with everything, and have only been married 2 years in oct. I have started to realize that worrying about whether or not he is going to cheat again is going to get me no where. I have been working on empowering myself, and realizing in my head that I am not reliant on him. I could leave and be pefectly fine financially, emotionally, and physically. I dont call/text him throughout the day. That is his job to come back to me, so why do it for him?

Dont let him have that control over you so that all you worry about is him. He needs to worry about YOU since he cheated! Girl, do things for yourself. Go shopping, get a massage, go for a walk, ANYTHING that makes you happy. Not to say screw him and be selfish, but you need you time, and time to settle all this in your head. The troubled thoughts come and go, and eventually are easier to deal with, but trust will come back very slowly (as I am learning).

I told my husband that I needed to trust him again in little things before I could trust him again with my whole heart. So for instance I now trust that I do not have to worry he wont be on time to work. He has made it a goal to work on that and has proved it to me by being on time everyday for more than 3 months now. Also he is NOT on his phone at home and if he is, he shows me what he is doing or who he talked/text to that day. I see EVERYTHING and know EVERYTHING. That puts my mind at ease that there is no way in hell he can get past me again. I have backed off now since some time has passed, but there are days I still go through his phone.

I hope this is something you can work through, but sometimes you just cant. I think you should seriously ask yourself that question. I had to, and I realized that I have dealt with worse in my life, and I know that he truly wants to be all the husband he can be to me. Does your husband try to prove the same to you? Keep your chin up, do what makes YOU happy, and STOP worrying about him! You can do it! keep in touch.