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An_245157 posted:
After 29 years of marriage I had a serious injury and my husband told me how much he needed to care for me and after all those years he wanted more from me more sex more affection and just more me ! He always said he married me because I wasn't needy like the women he knew in his family ...so I was pretty much a real worker bee type A all the way . Well I really could see he wanted more so I tried to be just that well in all of his confessing to me he told me he has been masturbating in my underwear for years because he didn't feel close to me... I hate it and him I am feeling like he came out of the closet and he swears he isn't gay or even interested in finding out.. when we have sex it is great but I am so hurt by this am I totally wrong?
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Anon_150000 responded:
Where did you get that he was gay from that?? He was masturbating into your underwear (a woman's!). Not like he was watching gay porn or something. Maybe there's something I'm missing but I really can't understand why your questioning his sexuality... It sounds like he's just not getting the affection he needs from you, be grateful he went to your underwear drawer and not a bar or something
 
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BalconyBelle replied to Anon_150000's response:
I have to agree with Anon on this. Your husband wants you, loves you, and wants to be intimate with YOU. When that wasn't possible, he went a different route to try to feel that intimate connection: masturbating with something that had touched you intimately.

Nothing you've described would indicate homosexuality; merely a spouse who's channeling his sexual frustration in a very constructive way. I can see how it might have taken you by surprise if you knew nothing about it, but masturbating is a perfectly normal activity---ESPECIALLY in the absence of sex.

I hope you won't allow this to throw a wrench into bringing intimacy back into your marriage. Your husband doesn't want to make love to your underwear--he wants to make love to you. My advice? Enjoy intimacy with your husband since it's already great, and the more often you make time to be together, the less your husband will feel driven to resort to cuddling cotton instead of the woman he loves.
 
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An_245157 replied to Anon_150000's response:
Funny you both sound like my husband , he said exactly that! After 29 years I was very surprised ...maybe I condensed it a little too much I didn't add he wants to wear women's underwear all the time he said they are so much more comfortable and he feels turned on all the time! I am was happy with our marriage but now like I said it has made me insecure like I am not enough ....
 
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theluckylady replied to BalconyBelle's response:
You are both sounding just like my husband.....
 
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BalconyBelle replied to theluckylady's response:
I used to do sparring in mixed martial arts, and while I'm not a guy, it still hurts to be wracked, so I'd wear men's briefs during matches because it fit protective gear better. After having the less than glorious experience of trying on men's underwear, I can tell you your husband has a point. Women's underwear DOES feel better--the fabric, the stitching--it doesn't chafe or itch as much as what guys have to wear. As for feeling turned on all the time, he may simply have a high drive, and he might also like the feel of something soft and sexy on his skin.

And as for your feelings of insecurity...please, take a closer look at what your husband's been doing. You are so amazing to him that just thinking of you, holding something belonging to you, is enough to get him off. He hasn't cheated, hasn't got a porn or Playboy addiction--you ARE his fantasy. After 29 years of marriage, he still loves you and wants you so much that the very thought of you is enough to bring him to climax.

That is incredible.
 
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dfromspencer responded:
From a mans perspective; i think that by being this worker bee type, that you might have taken too much time away from your husband? To him, that is like getting the cold shoulder. You have a one-of-a-kind man. After 29 years, he still wants you, exclusively. You should be overjoyed, not freaked out! So what? He likes to wear womens underwear, as long as he dont start buying evening dresses and high heels, you are fine! You are one lucky lady!

This man of yours has been faithful to you. He has not sought out affection elsewhere, such as porn or prostitution. No, what this man needs and desires is YOU! I would think you would be happy to have such a devoted husband? Maturbation is healthy and normal. To use something so intimate of yours, should tell you just how much you mean to him?

If the sex is so great, why not have as much as you can? After awhile, he may no longer feel the need to use your underclothing? Dont let a "GOOD THING" go to waste! Use it till you lose it! And for your own sake, be happy! Dennis
 
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Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD replied to An_245157's response:
You are getting some responses that hopefully give you a helpful alternate perspective. I'm wondering whether they help you to feel any more comfortable with your husband's explanation of why he likes to wear women's underwear. Is there is anything else that makes you feel insecure?

Also, it sounds like you have changed from being a worker bee into someone who is more open to really being emotionally in your marriage with your husband. I'm wondering how that is for you? Has it been a difficult transition in any ways-- maybe making you feel insecure in that you are more vulnerable?
 
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theluckylady replied to Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD's response:
Well you are right I am vulnerable the underwear makes me feel like if he finds that so exciting what if I am not really enough ...Of course there is so much more to our story than the 2700 characters I have written! Even in total anonymity I am still not so sure of myself.. I think I would have to change the title to my question to the Past to really get into my life issues with this! I can't believe how helpful this has been though !!
 
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stephs_3_kidz responded:
I agree with what everyone else said. And I wanted to add, that my huband has some silk briefs (men's) that he LOVES the feel of, because they are soft and don't feel like they're heavy and sweating him as badly in warm weather. Maybe you could buy him some of those if he likes the texture of the fabric?

And as a plus, my hubby looks GREAT in them.
 
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theluckylady replied to Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD's response:
Only answered half of the question yes the transition of doing laundry and seeing the panties that I didn't wear , if I am not available I feel guilty, the fact that I can't confide in my friends about this part of my life and what I really want to say is you better be careful if you are in an accident and they cut your jeans away they will find my black lace panties.... It is hard he wanted this women not needy and I think he created in his mind that I wasn't there some of the time but I really was tired of being always the strong one his family took so much from him and I couldn't ... Just always had to be independent! I think I thought if I became always available the underwear issue would go away!! I am that type of person out of site out of mind!
 
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dfromspencer replied to theluckylady's response:
Hi, me again, hey, it wont matter to the hospital staff, Dr.'s included. They have seen it all! Your husband wearing black lace panties would be mild to them.

You should hear some of the stories they have told to radio stations? The things they have removed from mens, and womens rectums, or the female vagina, would shock you! The staff are very professional, and do their best to make the patient more comfortable. They may laugh later?

Dont be freaked out about this. It really is nothing to worry about!

Dennis
 
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Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD replied to theluckylady's response:
Hopefully as you share more about this and work it through in your mind, you will find a way to come to terms with him wearing women's underwear and (equally important) with how independent/dependent you are. I think the latter issue is particularly important. You might want to address your insecurities, finding a way to be comfortably interdependent (to comfortably depend upon each other; not too dependent and not too independent). If your gut response is That's just the way I am (independent), you might find it helpful to read a blog I recently wrote: The Right Questions Can Increase Life Satisfaction .
 
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ontbear responded:
Hi.... why don't you start to masturbate for him and like wise..... or start a mutual masturbation session "for sex" or before. Your man is OK. Love him and you two be close to each other. Good Luck.......ontbear


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