Relationships and Coping Community

Best advice i can give::: ALWAYS remember what made her/him laugh, smile, happy and peaceful when you first dated,,, then, DO NOT FORGET IT,, always do and say the things that she/he loved in the begining!!

Being selective with your initial choice and honest and considerate communication are, I believe, the keys to success in any relationship.

- Rhonda

Communication and honesty is key...and never forgetting the reason you fell in love in the first place!

After going through a chronic disease that has cause me to go from an energetic athletic man to total disability and having my wife go through menopause I have found that you need to be willing to change over the years as your partner changes.

My wife has to expect different things from me now and I have found that some of my wife's preferences have changed dramatically. Things I could get a laugh from her now is something she doesn't like to hear. She went from sex several times a week to never wanting it again but thankfully she has agreed to once a week because she knows I have a high sex drive that has been diminished by my chronic pain and nerve damage from my spinal disease.

She has had to give up having me do many things with her because I love her so much to understanding I am unable to do those things due to my disability.

One other thing that I think is important even if couples don't have major changes like my wife and I have gone through is you have to be willing to grow as a person. We can't be static as people but need to grow spiritually, intelligently, and socially so we have to be willing to accept the changes that occur in our partners. Now this doesn't mean they make major changes and become different people but that they become more compassionate, empathetic, or understanding of others.

Most relationships are dynamic especially ones that last for decades, I have been married 27 years., so you can't expect you will be the same or your partner will be the same as when you first met. Hopefully there are core things that remain the same that you can hold on to.

Not speaking as an authority, but having lived a celibate life after being reared within a post-WWII and Cold-War military family, I would suggest the prudence of developing a sufficient level of maturity and wisdom, prior to submitting one's self to the vulnerability to spiritual impartation that sexual contact involves.
The dysfunctional patterns under which I grew served only to reinforce my aversions toward venturing into relationships that were so heavily influenced by external trivialities that American culture seems to thrive upon: fashion, social addictions to tobacco, alcohol, sex, political power, celebrity recognition, opulent wealth, recreational drugs, ostentacious indulgence in materialism and a myriad host of other forms of insecurity and selfishness.
For myself, I have come to realize the inordinate challenge that the pursuit of intimacy would pose and at this stage of my life (age: 61), I consider it better to refrain from "seeking to find a sex partner" and merely find solace in the fellowship of a good friend. If further intimacy is to be found in the relationship then I expect a more natural course of discovery may be appropriate and less stressful will occur; one that does not involve giving-in to the compulsions of the flesh and feeding the American socio-economic culture machine of "dating". I think a "friend" is a safer and healthier route to pursue in the journey to find a mate.

Communication is the most important to me. Honesty, is an absolute must. Space to grow individually. Time for togetherness. Compromise. Trust. There are too many to list.

And, dont forget to support your partner in anything they want to do! If you truely love someone, you will do anything to make that person happy, even if it makes you miserable.

Love each other to the end, life is short!!!

There are 3 pillars to a successful relationship - communication, respect, trust. Love is the cement.