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Face-to-Face with the Green-Eyed Monster
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Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD posted:
Feelings of jealousy are common in romantic relationships; and can be an early warning sign that your relationship needs protecting. However, when left unchecked, jealousy can eat away at the loving, trusting bond that unites couples.


Have you felt jealous in your relationships? How have you dealt with the feeling? And, how has this worked out?
4 Replies |Watch This Discussion | Report This| Share this:Face-to-Face with the Green-Eyed MonsterFeelings of jealousy are common in romantic relationships; and can be an early warning sign that your relationship needs protecting. However, when left unchecked, jealousy can eat away at the loving, trusting bond that unites couples. <br /><br /><br />Have you felt jealous in your relationships? How have you dealt with the feeling? And, how has this worked out?
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BalconyBelle responded:
I'm not jealous, I'm possessive. It might seem like a splitting of hairs, but it's true. Jealousy from what I've seen typically means that one partner's insecurities are leaching over into their relationship, and leading towards a host of controlling, irrational and rather paranoid behaviors in an effort to keep an eye on their other half to ensure that he/she doesn't stray or get snapped up by someone else.

I never went in for that sort of thing. Call me naive, but when someone gives me their word they'll be faithful/we're exclusive--I wouldn't be in a relationship if I didn't believe them. I personally can't stand the thought of someone trying to control my life, so I don't do it to the person I'm with. We establish boundaries and rules as a couple, then leave it at that--I don't see any need for jealousy when both parties understand each other as well as what is and isn't okay in a committed relationship.
Report This| Share this:Face-to-Face with the Green-Eyed MonsterI'm not jealous, I'm possessive. It might seem like a splitting of hairs, but it's true. Jealousy from what I've seen typically means that one partner's insecurities are leaching over into their relationship, and leading towards a host of controlling, irrational and rather paranoid behaviors in an effort to keep an eye on their other half to ensure that he/she doesn't stray or get snapped up by someone else. <br /><br />I never went in for that sort of thing. Call me naive, but when someone gives me their word they'll be faithful/we're exclusive--I wouldn't be in a relationship if I didn't believe them. I personally can't stand the thought of someone trying to control my life, so I don't do it to the person I'm with. We establish boundaries and rules as a couple, then leave it at that--I don't see any need for jealousy when both parties understand each other as well as what is and isn't okay in a committed relationship.
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Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD replied to BalconyBelle's response:
I agree that jealousy often results in the behaviors that you describe, but I would say that jealousy is the feeling behind those behaviors. A person can feel jealous and hold themselves back from acting on it.
In any case, I'm curious: what makes you say that you are possessive?
Report This| Share this:Face-to-Face with the Green-Eyed MonsterI agree that jealousy often results in the behaviors that you describe, but I would say that jealousy is the feeling behind those behaviors. A person can feel jealous and hold themselves back from acting on it. <br />In any case, I'm curious: what makes you say that you are possessive?
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BalconyBelle replied to Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD's response:
The fact that I'm not willing to share. Once I'm in a committed relationship with someone, I'm totally incapable of willingly sharing them intimately with someone else. I don't mind if they have platonic friends of both genders, don't mind if they socialize without me, don't mind if they're still in touch with ex's--I've even been friends with some of them--but I'm the only person they're going to be romancing and/or sleeping with.

If I find out that's no longer true, the relationship is over.
Report This| Share this:Face-to-Face with the Green-Eyed MonsterThe fact that I'm not willing to share. Once I'm in a committed relationship with someone, I'm totally incapable of willingly sharing them intimately with someone else. I don't mind if they have platonic friends of both genders, don't mind if they socialize without me, don't mind if they're still in touch with ex's--I've even been friends with some of them--but <u>I'm</u> the only person they're going to be romancing and/or sleeping with.<br /><br />If I find out that's no longer true, the relationship is over.
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ImMe26 replied to BalconyBelle's response:
Thats not exactly possessive though Belle....thats just expecting your mate to be in a committed relationship with you. Not possessive at all.

Possessive is no friends, no hanging out without you, calling him 50times a day, controlling where he goes and how long he is there...those types of things.
Report This| Share this:Face-to-Face with the Green-Eyed MonsterThats not exactly possessive though Belle....thats just expecting your mate to be in a committed relationship with you. Not possessive at all.<br /> <br />Possessive is no friends, no hanging out without you, calling him 50times a day, controlling where he goes and how long he is there...those types of things.
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