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Attention: The information provided in this forum is intended for educational purposes only, and is not a substitute for individual professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment.
Includes Expert Content
onfused posted:
ive been with this guy for about 2 yrs.... in the 2 years weve been together he has cheated on me, had a possible baby (wasnt his) stolen from me, hit me but yet i continue to be there... why? i still have feelings for him... he hasnt worked in the 2 years we been together, i have... he doesnt contribute anything... but i cant seem to let go...i dnt think im in love with him just love him but just cant seem to find the will to leave him because im afraid hell make me lose my job, he has tried to before.... any tips on how to leave him
3point14 responded:
Leave him, break all contact, stop going to places that remind you of him, and hang out only with people who love you and agree that you two should be broken up.

Remind yourself of how badly he treated you, and don't take his calls anymore. See a therapist. How's your self esteem in general? How do you feel about being single? What do you want in a relationship?

(huge hugs) I've been where you are, and its hard as hell. You'll get through it, though, I promise. Just look deep, find your self-worth, and don't accept his excuses. Build a support network, and start building a life without him. You can do it. You can!
onfused replied to 3point14's response:
thanks alot.... its just when he starts talking he says alll the right things and i stupidly believe them..... he has nobody else and i feel like im abandoning him.... nobody else gives a heck, but now i guess i see why.... i just have nowhere else to go
3point14 replied to onfused's response:
You're not abandoning him, you're doing what's best for you.

If you really have absolutely no friends or family (and I'd ask everyone I knew) many churches offer community outreach programs to help you get on your feet, or if you have any money at all you can look online and see if anyone in your area has any rooms to rent for cheap.

Nothing is ever hopeless. You can get out of this situation if you really want to. He's already proven himself to be a liar and he makes you unhappy. You just need to be firm with yourself about how you want to be treated.
fcl replied to onfused's response:
Go to your nearest women's shelter and talk to them. They can help. By staying with this guy you are simply enabling him. Don't you think it's time you started to live your life for you? As for him saying all the right things, next time he does this just remind yourself that this doesn't mean he cares about you (would he cheat if he cared about you?) only that he's a good con man.

By the way, I'm intrigued about this:

"had a possible baby (wasnt his) stolen from me,"

Could you explain a bit more, please?
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
nicky_ole replied to fcl's response:
FCL, I think she means that he cheated on her with another girl and she got pregnant but it ended up being by someone else, and that he also stole from her. She just forgot a comma
fcl replied to nicky_ole's response:
Thank you. Correct punctuation can make such a difference!
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
dfromspencer responded:
I will give you a man's perspective. GET OUT NOW!!! He will never change as long as you accept his excuses. Anyone can say the right things, but doing the right thing is different. This "boy" will never grow up! One day, he may really hurt you? Dont be his punching bag! You are a lady, and you should be treated so!

If he has cheated once, he will do so again! Go to any church, they can help. If you live by a women's shelter, go there now. Get out, no matter the cost! Even if he threatens your job. I dont know how he could cost you your job? I dont see how he can, as long as you are a good worker, they will want to keep you.

Please, please, please dont stay with that loser! Get out, and take care of yourself. He does'nt need a babysitter! He needs to grow up! As long as you are there to support him, he will never do anything for himself. Its time for you to worry about yourself. GO, NOW!!!

Good luck to you! I wish you a long happy life, with someone who loves only you!!! Dennis
Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD responded:
Clearly you need to leave this abusive relationship, which is what everyone here (including you) is saying. If it feels too hard to leave even with the advice and support here, and you are not sure where to reach out for help, try the National Domestic Violence Hotline .
onfused replied to nicky_ole's response:
sorry about the puncuation..buut to give you guys an update.... i figured he wouldnt just up and leave me so i planted false texts in my phonej yes he went through my cellphone so i made it look like i was cheating...i havent seen the jerk in about a week... but his belongings are still here
onfused replied to dfromspencer's response:
always helps to have a mans perspective on certain situations...thanks alot...steve harvey helped me to start thinking like

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