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Friends, Lovers, and Marriage
An_245544 posted:
I'm 36 and my husband is 45. We've been married 10 yrs and I do love him. However, he's become depressed, has PTSD from war, and other health issues not to mention low testosterone and he won't seek help.
He also does not wish to go to a marriage counselor with me and says he "will change". Not sure how...but that's the broken record I hear.
About a month ago, I decided to put some spice in my life and I met a man my age and began a friendship. We talked daily and texted but never met because I have low self esteem. He is married and told me that his relationship had issues and as dumb as it sounded he was "in love" with our relationship. We met and hit it we've become bf/gf.
We call and text each other and see each other as much as possible. He tells me he misses me, calls me his g/f and says he's my b/f.
Once or twice he hinted he was "in love" but then he told me that he cannot leave his wife due to their children. He said the reality of it was we had "balance" since we were both married and both with each other. If I get divorced, I'd want to see other men and that would break our "balance". When the balance is broken he gets caught up in it for the worst.
I'm trying to keep balance but its easy for me to compare my hubby to him and he compares her to me. He bought me a present last time he was away and this time before he left he said he "had" to have sex with me to get him past the 6 days he'd be gone.
He's with her this weekend and calling/texting me saying he misses me and can't wait to see me.
Neither of us has used the other for anything so what is going on???
Is this normal when you have a b/f when married?
3point14 responded:
Yeah, typically when you're cheating on your sick, veteran husband things do have a weird "balance" with the guy you're cheating on him with.

And typically a guy who cheats on his wife and children by having sex with another person with low self-esteem will be really charismatic and make you feel needed, but still have an excuse ready for why he can't be with you.

It's really typical when you're the other woman to get gifts and it's really typical for him to expect sex from you. He's probably telling you how much he misses you so that he can either continue having his cake and eating it too, or he loves drama and wants to get caught so he can be even more blatantly the center of attention between you and his wife.

So, yeah. This is normal.
rhondamay responded:
An_245544, show a little class and end your marriage before you start screwing around. Your chances of landing your married "boyfriend" are betwen zero and next-to-none. Try to be a big girl and do what's right!
fcl responded:
You need to fix your marriage or leave it. No more hanging around and messing about. This is ultimatum time.

Your husband won't go to see a marriage counsellor? Won't see a doctor? Then I suspect he doesn't know how badly his marriage is damaged. Sit him down in a neutral place (a restaurant for instance) and calmly tell him EXACTLY how you feel (rather than telling some guy over the net). You need to make it perfectly clear that this is your last chance to save your marriage. That you want him to get better, that you will be there to help him with his PTSD, that you love him but that you don't want to keep on living this way. Then make an appointment for counselling and GO. Make this your first step. Work out a plan with him on how you are both going to work together to make life change.

Face it - you like having the security of your marriage and the excitement of having a bit on the side. It has nothing to do with balance. You want to have your cake and eat it. You know that your emotional affair with this other guy is going nowhere. You need to put on your big girl panties and decide what you are going to do. Either work on your marriage, in which case you need to cut off all contact with the other guy or get out of your marriage and move on. So what will it be?
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
dfromspencer responded:
NO, THIS IS NOT NORMAL!!! What is wrong with you? How dare you? How can you stay married to this war vet, and have an affair with a married man? Low self esteem my ass! You are just plain being used. FIX the marriage, or leave. Grow up! When you married your husband, did you not say "through sickness and health"? WOW!

You need to make up your mind. Stay, and help your husband, and you, make this a happy marriage, or go and see if you can get this other married man to leave his wife and kids, which is not going to happen. Go sit your hubby down, and tell him how miserable you are. Tell him this is his last chance to save the marriage. Make him get some help, he surely needs some, and so do you!

The very first thing you should do, is end this crappy relationship with the married man! Then, you need to make your marriage work!

Good luck to you both!
Anon_24521 replied to dfromspencer's response:
Yeah cheating... is never ok.
It doesnt mean anything, except for some one was so horny they couldnt handle it.
I suggest you get a divorce, and I hope your poor husband doesnt have to pay you too much alimony.
ajohnson08099 replied to Anon_24521's response:
Would he have to pay alimony if she is cheating??? lol I hope not

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