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How do you improve your self-esteem to better a relationship?
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An_245603 posted:
I have been in a relationship for over 2 years now, but I still have very low self esteem. My boyfriend tells me that I am beautiful everyday and does everything that he can to make me feel happy, but for some odd reason it doesn't always work. Most times, I feel depressed and unattractive. I feel like my boyfriend isn't attracted to me anymore even though he tells me otherwise all of the time. I know that we have gone through some tough times, but I just don't know how to improve my self esteem and self worth. I try to change my way of thinking and do my best to keep a smile on my face, but it feels fake. I just need some advice on how to feel confident and improve my self esteem. My boyfriend says that if I had more self esteem and self worth then our relationship would be better and I agree.
1 Replies |Watch This Discussion | Report This| Share this:How do you improve your self-esteem to better a relationship?I have been in a relationship for over 2 years now, but I still have very low self esteem. My boyfriend tells me that I am beautiful everyday and does everything that he can to make me feel happy, but for some odd reason it doesn't always work. Most times, I feel depressed and unattractive. I feel like my boyfriend isn't attracted to me anymore even though he tells me otherwise all of the time. I know that we have gone through some tough times, but I just don't know how to improve my self esteem and self worth. I try to change my way of thinking and do my best to keep a smile on my face, but it feels fake. I just need some advice on how to feel confident and improve my self esteem. My boyfriend says that if I had more self esteem and self worth then our relationship would be better and I agree.
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Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD responded:
Good self-esteem will need to come from within you. While the support and caring of your boyfriend can help, you need to find ways to feel good about you so that his positive feedback has something to build on.

Without more information, it is impossible to know where your difficulty is coming from. What would be most helpful to you may depend on your specific self-doubts or a history that has led you to feel badly about yourself. But, a good generic place to start is with finding something about yourself that you feel good about and practice giving yourself credit for that. When you think and feel negatively toward yourself, you could try imagining how your boyfriend or other good friend would respond-- if that makes you feel a little better, practice responding to yourself in that way.

You might also want to check out a blog I just posted on Psychology Today; Stand Up To Self-Bullying . I've also posted other entries on my blog there that are specifically about making personal changes such as improving self-esteem.

However, even as I suggest all of this, I'm concerned that your low self-esteem is part of a larger depression. I wonder whether you isolate from friends, have trouble just getting getting everyday things done, lack energy or interest in doing things, or have suicidal thoughts. If any of this rings true, I suggest you seek out a therapist (especially if you are suicidal or feel hopeless).
Report This| Share this:How do you improve your self-esteem to better a relationship?Good self-esteem will need to come from within you. While the support and caring of your boyfriend can help, you need to find ways to feel good about you so that his positive feedback has something to build on. <br /><br />Without more information, it is impossible to know where your difficulty is coming from. What would be most helpful to you may depend on your specific self-doubts or a history that has led you to feel badly about yourself. But, a good generic place to start is with finding something about yourself that you feel good about and practice giving yourself credit for that. When you think and feel negatively toward yourself, you could try imagining how your boyfriend or other good friend would respond-- if that makes you feel a little better, practice responding to yourself in that way.<br /><br />You might also want to check out a blog I just posted on Psychology Today; <a rel="nofollow" href="http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/making-change/201205/stand-self-bullying">Stand Up To Self-Bullying</a> . I've also posted other entries on my blog there that are specifically about making personal changes such as improving self-esteem. <br /><br />However, even as I suggest all of this, I'm concerned that your low self-esteem is part of a larger depression. I wonder whether you isolate from friends, have trouble just getting getting everyday things done, lack energy or interest in doing things, or have suicidal thoughts. If any of this rings true, I suggest you seek out a therapist (especially if you are suicidal or feel hopeless).
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