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Lonesomedove 87, me too!
wendykjs posted:
I have been married almost 8 years. We haven't been intimate in almost two. We had unfortunate events happen and since then, hardly no affection, and he doesn't even care about having sex either. He won't talk about it and won't go to counseling. It's a real struggle and I feel alone too. I see a psychiatrist and that helps some. I am also catholic, and I try to make myself understand that I vowed to love and stay with this man for better or worse. If this is what my life is like, I need to make the best of it and just keep trying to improve our relationship. We have kids though, and you don't so it's easier for you to leave the situation gently if you really feel you need to. I know how it is to feel so helpless and lonely. It can be very sad. I am going to check out the section that someone else just posted, the one who said there are other women like us out there and they do counseling for other women like us. Hopefully that will help us. Good luck to you!
2 Replies |Watch This Discussion | Report This| Share this:Lonesomedove 87, me too!I have been married almost 8 years. We haven't been intimate in almost two. We had unfortunate events happen and since then, hardly no affection, and he doesn't even care about having sex either. He won't talk about it and won't go to counseling. It's a real struggle and I feel alone too. I see a psychiatrist and that helps some. I am also catholic, and I try to make myself understand that I vowed to love and stay with this man for better or worse. If this is what my life is like, I need to make the best of it and just keep trying to improve our relationship. We have kids though, and you don't so it's easier for you to leave the situation gently if you really feel you need to. I know how it is to feel so helpless and lonely. It can be very sad. I am going to check out the section that someone else just posted, the one who said there are other women like us out there and they do counseling for other women like us. Hopefully that will help us. Good luck to you!
sa_guitarplayer responded:
Wendykjs,
I'm gonna tread lightly and preface by saying the following is MY experience only... but, I hope it helps sheds some light.
Have you heard the old saying, "It's not YOU, it's ME" ??
My "event" happened 13 years ago, I didn't know how to cope with it, and I couldn't seek help at the time due to career and a bit of macho-man syndrome I'm sure. So, I tried to suppress the emotional trauma.. in so doing, I became mentally and emotionally isolated and detached. Emotionally numb. While that type of "skill" is necessary in a war zone, back home, it caused my wife and I to drift further and further apart. We became almost "roommates" instead of husband and wife. It wasn't until this past March that I reached out for help.
Six months ago, if someone would have asked, I would have told them that all our marital problems were mostly her fault. It's taken several months of counseling and even a group class on PTSD to finally see things a bit more clear. -- believe me, I'm far from "healed"..... BUT, things don't seem desperate all the time... and a light is now at the end of the tunnel.
I want to be honest, It may be too late for me to "save" my marriage.... BUT.... I have definitely started the process of trying to "save" me. And that does feel good.
Bottom line of what I'm trying to say... if you had an "event" significant enough to still bother you two years later, YOU may want to seek help for yourself. It may help you see "clearer" also.... and may give you some insight into why your husband responds the way he does.
Peace and Light... always.... and best with all !
I'm gonna tread lightly and preface by saying the following is MY experience only... but, I hope it helps sheds some light.
Have you heard the old saying, "It's not YOU, it's ME" ??
My "event" happened 13 years ago, I didn't know how to cope with it, and I couldn't seek help at the time due to career and a bit of macho-man syndrome I'm sure. So, I tried to suppress the emotional trauma.. in so doing, I became mentally and emotionally isolated and detached. Emotionally numb. While that type of "skill" is necessary in a war zone, back home, it caused my wife and I to drift further and further apart. We became almost "roommates" instead of husband and wife. It wasn't until this past March that I reached out for help.
Six months ago, if someone would have asked, I would have told them that all our marital problems were mostly her fault. It's taken several months of counseling and even a group class on PTSD to finally see things a bit more clear. -- believe me, I'm far from "healed"..... BUT, things don't seem desperate all the time... and a light is now at the end of the tunnel.
I want to be honest, It may be too late for me to "save" my marriage.... BUT.... I have definitely started the process of trying to "save" me. And that does feel good.
Bottom line of what I'm trying to say... if you had an "event" significant enough to still bother you two years later, YOU may want to seek help for yourself. It may help you see "clearer" also.... and may give you some insight into why your husband responds the way he does.
Peace and Light... always.... and best with all !
Report This| Share this:Lonesomedove 87, me too!Wendykjs,<br /><br />I'm gonna tread lightly and preface by saying the following is MY experience only... but, I hope it helps sheds some light.<br />Have you heard the old saying, "It's not YOU, it's ME" ??<br /><br />My "event" happened 13 years ago, I didn't know how to cope with it, and I couldn't seek help at the time due to career and a bit of macho-man syndrome I'm sure. So, I tried to suppress the emotional trauma.. in so doing, I became mentally and emotionally isolated and detached. Emotionally numb. While that type of "skill" is necessary in a war zone, back home, it caused my wife and I to drift further and further apart. We became almost "roommates" instead of husband and wife. It wasn't until this past March that I reached out for help. <br /><br />Six months ago, if someone would have asked, I would have told them that all our marital problems were mostly her fault. It's taken several months of counseling and even a group class on PTSD to finally see things a bit more clear. -- believe me, I'm far from "healed"..... BUT, things don't seem desperate all the time... and a light is now at the end of the tunnel.<br />I want to be honest, It may be too late for me to "save" my marriage.... BUT.... I have definitely started the process of trying to "save" me. And that does feel good.<br /><br />Bottom line of what I'm trying to say... if you had an "event" significant enough to still bother you two years later, YOU may want to seek help for yourself. It may help you see "clearer" also.... and may give you some insight into why your husband responds the way he does. <br /><br />Peace and Light... always.... and best with all !
sa_guitarplayer responded:
I'm sorry, I just caught your sentence about seeing a Psychiatrist... For me, the "talking" really helps, therefore I see a Psychologist. I encourage you to seek out the counseling you mentioned. Knowing I wasn't alone also helped a great deal.
Report This| Share this:Lonesomedove 87, me too!I'm sorry, I just caught your sentence about seeing a Psychiatrist... For me, the "talking" really helps, therefore I see a Psychologist. I encourage you to seek out the counseling you mentioned. Knowing I wasn't alone also helped a great deal.
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