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confused..
An_241965 posted:
Hi, so ive been with this guy a little over 3 years we got engaged last year and i was thinking all was going great, and i love him, but he has changed so much and i hate the way he has changed he use to be the most caring nicest guy you could ever ask for and now within the past year it started out as name calling telling me im stupid if i dont know how to do something or if i cant lift something heavy im just brain dead or worthless or retarded it doesnt matter what i do if its wrong in his mind or if he does something wrong its my fault. So i talked to him and told him how it was bothering me and that i was loosing faith in our relationship and he said i will change im sorry i dont want you to leave, well i havent seen any improvement and anything. Its like when i ask him to do something with me im nagging him. I feel like when ever im around him i have to walk on eggshells bc i dont wanna make him mad. I asked him if he was serious about our relationship and if he truely wants to be with me, because the last thing i want is to be unhappy and he always says no i want you and only you were going to be together forever, but honestly idk if i see myself with him in 2 years let alone forever. If we fight and i cry he makes fun of me, and says stuff like why are you crying, crying doesnt fix nothing your 22 not 12 grow up. I seriously am at a loss now, i really dont know what i want.I wanna be happy and i do love him but idk if its love or in love anymore he was my first real boyfriend i was 19 right out of hs when we got together. But with the way his temper is when he gets upset and yells and calls me names i feel one day hell turn around and knock me too the ground. Ive talked to my best friend about whats going on and she wants me to get an apartment with her bc she's afraid that the same thing is going to happen and to me, and deep down i know i wanna leave and get an apartment be single for a while but im afraid if i leave then i will be lost and want him, the only reason i say that is based off last year we had break from each other it lasted the weekend he went with his dad and i went with my mom and i missed him like crazy and it hurt so bad but right now i think that ill be happier that it will hurt but its better. So i need some advice. If you make it all the way threw my vent you deserve something lol 
4 Replies |Watch This Discussion | Report This| Share this:confused..Hi, so ive been with this guy a little over 3 years we got engaged last year and i was thinking all was going great, and i love him, but he has changed so much and i hate the way he has changed he use to be the most caring nicest guy you could ever ask for and now within the past year it started out as name calling telling me im stupid if i dont know how to do something or if i cant lift something heavy im just brain dead or worthless or retarded it doesnt matter what i do if its wrong in his mind or if he does something wrong its my fault. So i talked to him and told him how it was bothering me and that i was loosing faith in our relationship and he said i will change im sorry i dont want you to leave, well i havent seen any improvement and anything. Its like when i ask him to do something with me im nagging him. I feel like when ever im around him i have to walk on eggshells bc i dont wanna make him mad. I asked him if he was serious about our relationship and if he truely wants to be with me, because the last thing i want is to be unhappy and he always says no i want you and only you were going to be together forever, but honestly idk if i see myself with him in 2 years let alone forever. If we fight and i cry he makes fun of me, and says stuff like why are you crying, crying doesnt fix nothing your 22 not 12 grow up. I seriously am at a loss now, i really dont know what i want.I wanna be happy and i do love him but idk if its love or in love anymore he was my first real boyfriend i was 19 right out of hs when we got together. But with the way his temper is when he gets upset and yells and calls me names i feel one day hell turn around and knock me too the ground. Ive talked to my best friend about whats going on and she wants me to get an apartment with her bc she's afraid that the same thing is going to happen and to me, and deep down i know i wanna leave and get an apartment be single for a while but im afraid if i leave then i will be lost and want him, the only reason i say that is based off last year we had break from each other it lasted the weekend he went with his dad and i went with my mom and i missed him like crazy and it hurt so bad but right now i think that ill be happier that it will hurt but its better. So i need some advice. If you make it all the way threw my vent you deserve something lol <img src="http://img.webmd.com/community/images/litesmile.gif" align="top" border="0">
Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD responded:
My gut instinct is to say run, do not walk, to the door. But, I am not in your shoes; I don't fully know how you feel; and there is a lot that I don't know about your situation. So, let me qualify this.
You say that you love him, but do you really? Do you love the man who you have been with in the past year?
And, are you staying because of your love and how you feel when you are with him, or because you are afraid of the sadness and loss you will feel if you leave? If it's the latter, then this is not a good sign. You might want to reach out to friends and family for support and then do what you think is right for you.
You might also find it helpful to read a couple of my blog entries: Should I Stay or Should I Go and How to Stop Loving Someone .
Good luck; and please let us know how it goes.
You say that you love him, but do you really? Do you love the man who you have been with in the past year?
And, are you staying because of your love and how you feel when you are with him, or because you are afraid of the sadness and loss you will feel if you leave? If it's the latter, then this is not a good sign. You might want to reach out to friends and family for support and then do what you think is right for you.
You might also find it helpful to read a couple of my blog entries: Should I Stay or Should I Go and How to Stop Loving Someone .
Good luck; and please let us know how it goes.
Report This| Share this:confused..My gut instinct is to say run, do not walk, to the door. But, I am not in your shoes; I don't fully know how you feel; and there is a lot that I don't know about your situation. So, let me qualify this.<br /><br />You say that you love him, but do you really? Do you love the man who you have been with in the past year? <br /><br />And, are you staying because of your love and how you feel when you are with him, or because you are afraid of the sadness and loss you will feel if you leave? If it's the latter, then this is not a good sign. You might want to reach out to friends and family for support and then do what you think is right for you. <br /><br />You might also find it helpful to read a couple of my blog entries: <a href="http://blogs.webmd.com/art-of-relationships/2012/05/should-you-stay-or-should-you-go.html">Should I Stay or Should I Go</a> and <a href="http://blogs.webmd.com/art-of-relationships/2011/10/how-to-stop-loving-someone.html">How to Stop Loving Someone</a> . <br /><br />Good luck; and please let us know how it goes.
An_241965 replied to Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD's response:
Thank you so much for finding time to reply. I just wrote back but i guess web md decided not to take it so here we go again lol... Anyways Im not sure if its that fact that i dont wannt be lonely or if i really do love him. I feel like i have love for him but not in love with him. He always tells me that id never be good enough for anyone else because nobody would ever put up with me or do the things that he does for me, I cant tell the last time he bought me a flower or took me out for a nice dinner to just do something simple like ride around together. He always says he busy okay i get it i work anywhere from 40-70 hrs a week too. But if i go hang out with my friends hell text me the whole time im gone and tell me i dont spend time with him, that he misses me and i need to hurry home. If he gets mad at me he'll take my phone so i have no communication with the outside world i think its his way off controling me. He has told many time that if i ever left he would kill me or if i would stop loving him he would, hes told me many times that he is capable of breaking my neck with one hand. Now idk if he would or if just says it to scare me and it really does scare me, Bc he has pushed me in the past but not actually hit me. so idk =(
Report This| Share this:confused..Thank you so much for finding time to reply. I just wrote back but i guess web md decided not to take it so here we go again lol... Anyways Im not sure if its that fact that i dont wannt be lonely or if i really do love him. I feel like i have love for him but not in love with him. He always tells me that id never be good enough for anyone else because nobody would ever put up with me or do the things that he does for me, I cant tell the last time he bought me a flower or took me out for a nice dinner to just do something simple like ride around together. He always says he busy okay i get it i work anywhere from 40-70 hrs a week too. But if i go hang out with my friends hell text me the whole time im gone and tell me i dont spend time with him, that he misses me and i need to hurry home. If he gets mad at me he'll take my phone so i have no communication with the outside world i think its his way off controling me. He has told many time that if i ever left he would kill me or if i would stop loving him he would, hes told me many times that he is capable of breaking my neck with one hand. Now idk if he would or if just says it to scare me and it really does scare me, Bc he has pushed me in the past but not actually hit me. so idk =(
This guy is not showing you love or respect, he is threatening you and he is demeaning you. If you stay with him you are devaluing yourself and you will start losing self-respect and you very well may be in physical danger. It's a short step from pushing to assault. All relationships have their struggles but respect for each other is essential. Get away from this guy immediately. There are a lot of good guys out there and you shouldn't settle for a worthless jerk like this. He doesn't deserve you!
Good luck,
Rhonda
Good luck,
Rhonda
Report This| Share this:confused..This guy is not showing you love or respect, he is threatening you and he is demeaning you. If you stay with him you are devaluing yourself and you will start losing self-respect and you very well may be in physical danger. It's a short step from pushing to assault. All relationships have their struggles but respect for each other is essential. Get away from this guy immediately. There are a lot of good guys out there and you shouldn't settle for a worthless jerk like this. He doesn't deserve you!<br /> <br /> Good luck,<br /> Rhonda<br />
thank you for replying i do plan on leaving, this weekend there are few apartments i plan to go look at and a house with my friend. Im so glad that i have found you ladies!
Report This| Share this:confused..thank you for replying i do plan on leaving, this weekend there are few apartments i plan to go look at and a house with my friend. Im so glad that i have found you ladies!
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