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My Soul Mate
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loove23 posted:
Hi I've been with my guy for 8 years, we had a lot of fun at the starting of our relationship, however about 5 years in our relationship, i starting feeling left out like he did not love me anymore, he start treating has though i was not apart of his life, i start to do things that i knew would hurt him, i started to to other guys, but i used to lie about it however we ended talking back afterwards, he would change for about a month then he would go back to the way he use to be, then i would do the same thing again and then it would happen again, until i decide not to take it anymore and i left, that when he realize tht he did not want to lose me, he start been the sweetest thing, writing me love poems, treating me the best i have ever been traeted, but i was with someone else, and tht hurt him because we had sex, but he decide tht he still wanted to be with me never the less, i got pregnant after we went back together with our second child, and we have been so happy togather after that......i am scared thought that the pass will come back to haunt me, i have fallen so deeply in love with him but im afterof him doing the same things that i did, he said that he wont but who is to tell, he always bring up the past and im just afraid of him doing that because i dont want to lose him now......things have change for us and i want it remain that why,,,,,,how do i keep him from feel like he need to get even.....
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dfromspencer responded:
You need to talk to him! Tell him all the reasons why you did what you did. Then have an open and honest conversation. After that, you both drop it, and dont ever use it as a tool.

The past is just that, the past!

Good luck, and best wishes! Dennis
 
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Kloudnine responded:
I agree with DfromSpencer..great advice. You two really need to sit down and talk this out until there is nothing more to say, and leave it at that. Let the past be the past. You both wanted things to work, or you wouldn't be together. In a sense, you are both living in the past, and it is preventing you from moving on, and from being in the happy and healthy relationship that you both deserve.

Relationships are tough, no one ever said it was going to be easy, but it's what you are both willing to put into it, and that takes effort from the both of you. If the two of you can't talk it out, or are having issues, I would suggest maybe seeking out the help of a therapist. Sometimes it is nice to get a third party persepctive on things as well. I hope that all goes well with the two of you, and I wish the both of you the best! Good Luck! : )
 
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Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD responded:
I agree with DfromSpencer and Kloudnine. Talk it through. Take time to make sure that you both REALLY understand each other; that you really get what each other has and is going through. Talk until you can understand each other with compassion and then decide together to move forward and do what you can to keep your relationship happy and the two of you on the same team, so to speak. That said, this is often hard to do with situations like what you have just explained. So, if you need help doing this, seek out counseling -- though choosing to do this can be a difficult decision, this is a much better option than just letting things play out when there is still tension.

Good luck. I wish you well.
 
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loove23 responded:
thank you guys for the great advise, we have been trying to put this behind but it is hard and just taking awhile, we are both so still in love with each other, he asked for me to marry him so i know he wants to move on, but i will continue to talk to him to reasure him that things will be ok.....
 
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Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD replied to loove23's response:
Thanks for the follow up. I'm glad to hear that you are talking about this together. For your sake, please don't let the topic just be pushed aside -- then it will likely just come up again at some later date when it will also be more complicated because your lives will be more entangled (e.g. married, life together). Also, please make sure you both feel reassured (not just him).

Best of luck!


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