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kaweaver73 posted:
I'm 38 years old and I have the Sexual Drive as if I were still in my teens... I'm a mom of 6 (2 sets of twins!!) and I am madly in love with my husband.....but his sexual drive is not there anymore for me like it used to be...I dont know if its me ..I have tried communicating my feelings to him but he just shrugs me off and say's that I making more out of it than it is and kisses me on the lips and go to bed. The only time he can be intimate with me is after he has drank a couple of glasses and thats maybe once a month...I know he works hard he provides for his family he helps with the children and cooks and cleans...most women would say im crazy but Im highly affectionate and I just want us to have time with out him on the alcohol...I suggested therapy and he said that there was nothing wrong with him..but I think something is going on I just don't know what....I dont suspect another women because after work he come straight home ..I think he has very low Libido...but to manly to admit to it ..I want to help our relationship...I need help is there any pill I can give him to increase his sexual function or am I just crazy to be so horny all the time?
rohvannyn responded:
You aren't crazy. I have been in the same situation, on both sides actually. Though he might have low testosterone levels or something, it sounds like the intimacy and communication isn't there either. He could be afraid of admitting he doesn't feel like he used to, or he could fell like he is under pressure from kids and work. Maybe he feels like he needs the alcohol to relax, and he can't get interested in you unless he is relaxed. I've felt that way, myself. Is there any way you could find some way to have a little more "together time" where neither of you has to work so hard, and can just take a few minutes to breathe?

He could be putting all the energy he has into being a provider. I'm sure other more experienced folks will have more advice on how to open up the lines of communication. Whatever you do, though, don't treat it like there is something "wrong" with either of you. It's just a challenge that you need to somehow work on together.

Good luck!
Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD responded:
It seems that you don't know the real reason for his low libido (e.g. overworked? loss of emotional intimacy in your relationship? some specific issue in your relationship that he has not articulated to you (or is even fully conscious of himself)? other issues?). Finding this out is important, and I think your idea of therapy is a good one.
One way to approach this is this (assuming that it feels right to you): Try again to get him to understand the seriousness of the situation. Express how this situation is affecting you AND the relationship. He said he doesn't need therapy because there is nothing wrong with him. Tell him that, while that might be true (e.g. it might be a symptom of a overly busy life, or emotional distance in the marriage), there is something wrong with the relationship. Tell him that you feel an increasing rift in your marriage that worries you; and that you desperately want to stay in love with him and to want to be with him, but fear that this is slipping away (assuming this is true). Explain that the therapy isn't to fix him, but to fix the relationship.

Good luck!

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