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Cutural and age differences
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tjenk0227 posted:
I just broke up with my boyfriend of ten months. Not only did we have an age difference of seven years (Im 41 and he is 34), but were two different races (Im African American and he's Puerto Rican). We pretty much got along. However, the main problem (the huge elephant in the room) was how he felt about his position in the relationship. He did not work; he receives monies from the government. I work two jobs, a full time job (12 hrs days) and a part time job. We argued about his cooking or cleaning the apartment. He felt that because he paid the utility bill that would be enough of a contribution. I, however, worked my two jobs, paid the rent, my car payment (a car he sometime drove), paid my car insurance (which included my mother's car and an extra payment because I added him as a driver of my vehicle) and was expected to cook, clean and do other activities. I had no problem doing this, but sometimes I was just flat out tired. His attitude was "my momma worked and took care of the household" why couldnt I? I finally broke up with him after another fight over dishes that he felt I needed to wash in order for him to cook breakfast. Also, he felt that on my days off, I should cook because he needed a break from cooking. Was I wrong to break up with him? If anything, I was crazy to let it go this long. I was of the mind (and based on how I was raised) his cooking and cleaning was his contributions since he did not work outside of the home. Again, was I wrong in this thinking????
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An_246339 responded:
First of all, you were not wrong in what you did. In my opinion, I think it was the best thing for you in a situation like that. I really think you would have gotten to the point where you would have built up enough resentment towards him for not contributing enough and doing his part, that you would have eventually ended it, or things would have ended up differently anyways.

Is there a reason that he does not work and gets his $ from the government? Was this the situation when you first met, and so you knew what you were getting in to? Did you tell him how you felt about all of this? I guess the situation needed to be addressed up front and the guidelines needed to be clear. I myself have been in relationships and situations where I have contributed more than half of everything, and in a sense, I felt taken advantage of, and I also started to build a lot of resentment towards him, in which of course it took a toll on the relationship. You sound to me like a very independent person, like myself, and that is why I think it is such an issue. Not only that, but one person can only do so much, and it sounds like he was expecting way too much from you. I think you did, and are, doing the right thing. Sounds to me like this just wasn't the right relationship for you, but then again, it's just my opinion. Good luck to you!
 
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rohvannyn replied to An_246339's response:
I agree that you were not wrong to break up. My spouse does not work but does cook dinner and take care of the house as well as repairs and computer maintenance etc. We each do our share. I know it's not easy to bring things like that up, but if you are getting messages like "my momma did this or that" then yes, that's a big sign that there is a problem. Take care of yourself, and good luck!
 
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longduckdong46 responded:
Major bum !

Not only is his attitude towards you insulting and degrading, but is most disrespectful.
You work TWO jobs, he leeches off the taxpayers ( you and me ). Sorry tjenk0227 but you deserve much better.
The guy is a mooch and this has nothing to do with culture.

Find a man with some good character and stability who will appreciate your ethics.


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