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Art of Relationships:
What If My Partner Doesn't Share My Faith?
Why Avoiding Conflict Can Cause Problems

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To Call or Not to Call: That is the Question...
larsstarscanary posted:
I see "my" ex (We went out for 3.33333 years until November of 2009) on the bus from time to time--He's still trying to get me to go out with him. I don't want to go out with him--He's controlling and possessive. He's got a lot of issues; most of them I ignored, but the last one was a deal-breaker.

He calls me on my birthday.

His birthday is coming up.

What would be good reasons to call him?
rohvannyn responded:
I can't really think of one, honestly. Then again, I'm the queen of not talking to toxic people. If he is trying to get you to go out with him, and you are sure you never want to again, then why lead him on in thinking there is hope by calling him on his birthday? I guess I could understand if you were traying to maintain a friendship, but could it be possible that he calls you on your birthday just so you feel obligated to return the favor, and thus he has a way of maintaning some form of control.

Of course, I don't know the situation, he might not be that Machiavellian, but this is my gut instinct with the information given.
fcl responded:
There are no good reasons to call someone you don't want to call... I suggest you block his number on your phone so he can't call you next year and, as a result, you won't feel guilty when you don't call him. I also suggest "forgetting" to call him on his birthday this year - he might be taking your call as a sign that, deep down, you are still interested in him.
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD responded:
You clearly don't want contact with him, so I'm wondering what makes you ask this question.

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