Relationships and Coping Community

Chrissy,

I have a relationship with a mature women, I'm 26 and she is 39.
We both met a year ago in the gym where I work at, we both had the same friends that is how we got to know each other.

When I met her she was very fun and outgoing, plus she loved the same sport and shared a lot of things in common with me.
To be totally honest I never thought this would become a relationship so I chose to let my self explore and get to know her.

She had some luggage and by that I mean hardcore luggage but even as it bothered me I decided that she was women enough to trust me so I should be man enough to brush it off.
Before we really started dating I asked her a few questions that would of been determining in me starting a relationship with her.

One of the questions was if she ever had dated any of my friends, as I would hate to be in loved of a girl my friend fooled around. Her answer was no never, she even added that I was the only one from the gym she ever dared to date because we are all younger than her.

She always had a flirty vibe, but I thought to my self women can be flirty by nature without wanting to have sex with everyone.
Six months in the relationship we where one of the happiest couples, I mean the ones you envy. We had sex 5 times a day and it was amazing every single one, we spent almost every spare time together, it was the closest to love I've ever felt, so we decided to share our feelings and moved in together.

When we did this we both felt entitled to the other, and she started to check my phone and facbook to see if I was flirting back with some girls that would post in my page.
She found a message of my ex girlfriend where she calls me a lovey nickname and she flipped, I endured her mental punishment and then I felt like it was my turn.

So I checked her facebook and in her old messages I come to find out she had slept with one of my friends.
she first tried to deny saying that she had a crush but nothing ever happen but the messages where way to sexual for that to be true and the worst is that this was happening when i already had met her and it was a month before we started dating.

When i realized this, my heart shattered and felt deceived and tricked. I fought through it and tried to think logically but even as I managed to control it still bugs me and the worst is that we have friends in common and this guy always comes up in the conversation and I automatically get angry and hate her.

The reason I feel so much hate is that after I found out about this she told me she was pregnant. Now when we get in a fight she tells me to go and leave her alone, I am so tempted. the thing is that I do have feelings for her and Im not the type of guy who abandons a baby.

But I cant help to feel angry, resentful, and even hateful.
In my head sometimes she is the worse, and I started to doubt her in every aspect I think I dont really know her and I even came to doubt the baby is mine.

This is a very unhealthy relationship where Im in pain mental pain. I cant seem to control my thoughts and she doesnt help to make it easier as she is pregnant and nothing can be said to her without me being a total ass.

Hi Michael and welcome hon.
I'm sorry you find yourself in this situation right now. Michael have you talked to her about all your doubts and concerns. Especially with the baby coming, you need to talk.

Maybe she didn't tell you about the other friend because she knew how upset you would be. Although I realize her hiding it from you is even worse.
I'm sorry you are having regrets, but try to wrap your head around the good times, and better times to come. Talk talk talk to her is my advice. Keep us posted please on how you are doing. I'm glad you found us here.

Ah Chris, there you go again! Asking those pertinate questions. And oh yes, i can tell you, i do have one major regret.

I was married in 1980, to a wonderful woman. In our early twenties, we decided to have a child. We had a son in 1983, then a daughter in latter 1984. I was the proudest married man on the planet. And the proudest pappa.

Unfortunately, i had a jeep accident while stationed in Korea. I had head and neck injuries. I was too scared to tell anyone about the neck pain i was feeling. So, later on, this came back to bite me big time. I had a buldging disk in my neck, and it was cutting off my nerves on my right side. Could this be the cause of my E.D.?

Well, along about this time, after the kids were born, i started to lose my erections. Sometimes, i could'nt even ejackulate. I got very scared. I was a man in the prime of his life, and having sexual problems? And being a man, i was never going to tell anyone about my problem!

Now, when sex came up, i picked fights with my wife, just so i could sleep on the couch. I was more worried about how she would feel, or the things she might say? I could not let her know that i was not a man anymore. I was no longer a man that could please her. And so, i felt it was better to get a divorce, than to let her find that out? At that time, Viagra was unheard of. At least i had never heard of it. And i did not know that there was help for this affliction?

Thats it, i got a divorce for no good reasons. That is what i regret the most, not truely being a man, and seeking answers for my problem. I take Levitra now, and have very few problems.

If there are any men out there, suffering from E.D., please talk to your Dr., and ask for a referall to a Urologist. You won't regret it, like i do!!!

Thank you, Chris! Thank you for a place to share our stories. Take care, Dennis

No, thank you Dennis, for sharing all you do with us, and for letting me be such a part of this awesome community.
Knowing you here makes me better.
Thank you hon. xo
And I'm so sorry. Love is going to find you. You so deserve it.

Thanks Chris, having you, and this community helps me in different ways. And if by chance i help others, well, thats a bonus.

I hope you are right about LOVE finding me. I believe that everyone deserves to find love, and be loved. It is my wish that each and every one of us finds their one special person to share their life with. Maybe one day, i will find my special someone? Perhaps then, i will feel whole again?


Good luck, and good love everyone. Dennis