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Figured something out
rohvannyn posted:
I realized something today that I'd like to share. I've realized it before but haven't really done much to act on it. This time I acted on it.

What I realized is a very old idea, one that needs to be reaffirmed constantly. "Your focus determines your reality." What you concentrate on will become your life. When I focus on the little things that irritate me about my partner, I start resenting. When I focus on the little things that I hate about my job, I don't want to go to work. So I did something about it. I wrote a list of all the things I love about my spouse. Well, all the things I can think of right now anyway. I can make more lists as I think of more things. I wrote the list in unqualified terms, no "I love this about you but..." and focused only on the positive. Then I thanked her for a few things too. I'll give her the list tonight, so she can keep it to always know I value the relationship.

I hope I remember to do this periodically, both for my spouse and other issues in my life. Focusing on the positive shouldn't be hard, but it can be when my mind strays, it also helps me fix the real problems so I have more positive things to focus on.
Jenntonic1 responded:
I find it interesting that you posted this separately than your original post regarding your partner. However, I understand why? I believe you didn't find exactly what you were looking for there, only to realize you already have what you're looking for, which means you did somewhat find what you needed somehow. I find it brave, actually more like refreshing that you are willing to discuss your relationship, not because it involves a same sex partner (which by the way doesn't matter), but because at times you struggle, feeling like no one understands you or really cares. And maybe, deep down inside you have an inherent faith in people, only to be let down at times, which make for a confusing day, possibly even a confusing week? All you want is understanding and love along with a little loyalty and respect. And everyday you feel like you have to justify your actions. I know it seems scary to think anyone can understand something so simple. I just feel its important to point out that others go through the same ups and downs that you do, including myself. You are so right on when you spoke about focusing. I have some questions, if you don't mind? Do you go back and forth on the issues that ail you? What about motivation is difficult for you? You said you haven't done much to act on this old idea, but this time you acted on it. But how did you know you had to change your focus and that the change had to be from you and not someone else changing their focus? What created that spark for you? Was it a feeling? Was it something you heard or read? Were you told? I wonder, if its ok with you, what was it that changed? What created that difference for you? And is it still there or do you find it hard to break the older habits which causes more conflicting issues at times? If I seem intrusive, I don't mean to be, I'm not interrogating or trying to be condescending in anyway, I'm just searching for the truth and the answers to help unlock why I get into my head more than average suzy q down the road does and to see if there are others that may think similarly? Does that even make sense? I hope I don't sound like an alien wondering why the human race is the way they are...LOL, I'm just soul searching at present and I happen to catch your post and the similarities are uncanny. I admire your bravery and your ability to make a difference for yourself as well as your partner. It's people like you that prove hope is still there.

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