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We are both getting out of a relationship but we are already in love.
An_246988 posted:
I Need advice, I have been with my Fiancée for 7 years and We were having problems, he was never home I was raising the kids by myself and he never listen to me when I kept telling him time and time again that we need date nights and time together it was always going into one ear and out the other. ( he now acknowledges this) but is it too late? I don't feel in Love with him at all anymore, I love him being he is the father of my child and I have been trying to save his feeling on everything i do. I can honestly say there is nothing there anymore. In the process of me leaving I met a dear friend who he happen to be going through similar marriage problems , He has been married 19 years so it is different but to make a long story really short in a short 4 months we fell deeply in love and I don't know what to do. We both feel like we want to be together only we both have our young children to worry about also we don't want to split the family's up, so we decided to give our partners a second chance only now I am more sad than I've been in my life because I don't want to lose the person in my life that actually makes me smile and makes me feel like living.. I have never felt this way about someone in this short of time. I think he feels the same way as I do as well I do not know what to do, We both feel like saving the feelings of the other partners but what do we do from here. I do know that I am hurting for both of our family's and each other.. Any help and suggestions would be great.

Anon_128523 responded:
That is usually the result when you cheat. You should have thought about your young children, spliting up your family and giving your husband a second chance before you went outside your marriage. My suggestion would be to tell your husband that you cheated. Then let him decide if he wants to give you a second chance.

What you were going through in your marriage is rough and your husband may have waited too long to fix it. That doesn't give you the excuse to cheat. Unfortunetlly your children will be the one's to pay for your mistake now.
3point14 responded:
How is making both of you miserable really giving your partners a new chance?
dfromspencer responded:
Now that you have cheated on your fiance`, you have to be open and honest about that, and tell him. You gave up the right to decide weather to stay with him or not. Now, he must decide if he wants to keep you as a future wife? I would not, what you did is dispicable! Cheating is never the answer! Even if you feel like you have fallen in love with that other person, you must separate yourself from the one you are with first. Cheating can be forgiven, but it can never be forgotten!

Now, be an adult, and tell your fiance everything. Then accept the concequences. Your young children will be the ones suffering from your infidelity. You did not care, or think about them, only yourself. You must be a selfish person?

I hate cheaters, i'm sorry, but that is a terrible thing to do to someone that you have professed to love. I have been cheated on, and i can tell you, the hurt is deep, very deep! I forgave her, but i will never forget how that hurt!

Good luck to your family, Dennis
Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD responded:
Although everyone makes mistakes, I think you know that this was and is a big one. And the only way to put your life back on track is to face up to it. You obviously cannot undo your cheating; but you can decide how you want to proceed. I suggest that you think about not just what you want, but also what you think you can live with (considering yourself and your children).

Keep in mind that the relationship with the other man is based in large part on fantasy. You don't have to work together through the struggles of daily life. Time with him is all about enjoyment - so it feels wonderful; especially in contrast to your relationship with your fiance, which is in need of major help. But I assure you that if you leave your fiance for him, the relationship will become less of a paradise - not a nice thought, but a realistic one. It could work out, but surely won't continue to feel as it does now.

If you decide that you want or need to give your relationship with your fiance a real chance, then you need to cut all ties with this other "friend." You must put all your energy into your current relationship. Acknowledge your unhappiness and unfaithfulness. Commit to working on regaining his trust and rebuilding your relationship. As you make amends and regain his trust, you will need to address the problems that made you unhappy enough to cheat in the first place. This is all very difficult to do, so I strongly suggest couple therapy.

Good luck.

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