Announcements
Attention: The information provided in this forum is intended for educational purposes only, and is not a substitute for individual professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment.
Includes Expert Content
Heavy Load
toomuch4me posted:
I found your article interesting. It hit the nail on the head for me. I've
been married for over 35 years to a man who retired from the military
18 years ago, earned 2 degrees, and has worked a total of about 9 months in the past 14 years. In the same time, I was diagnosed with RA, and am a 5 year survivor of ovarian cancer. I am the primary bread winner in a household that includes 4 adults, one of which is almost 90 and one who is autistic - he works part-time. My husband has asked me not to talk with him about his unemployedness - I honor this. I enjoy being involved community and attend most functions on my own as he does not want to be a part of it. I encourage him to use his craftiness to create things that I can sell - he's slowly moving in this direction. I am tired of carrying the household - I am fortunate to have a job I enjoy and make a decent living. I want to live - go be do - instead of waiting for the end.
Not sure if 2 of 5 is strong enough to continue
been married for over 35 years to a man who retired from the military
18 years ago, earned 2 degrees, and has worked a total of about 9 months in the past 14 years. In the same time, I was diagnosed with RA, and am a 5 year survivor of ovarian cancer. I am the primary bread winner in a household that includes 4 adults, one of which is almost 90 and one who is autistic - he works part-time. My husband has asked me not to talk with him about his unemployedness - I honor this. I enjoy being involved community and attend most functions on my own as he does not want to be a part of it. I encourage him to use his craftiness to create things that I can sell - he's slowly moving in this direction. I am tired of carrying the household - I am fortunate to have a job I enjoy and make a decent living. I want to live - go be do - instead of waiting for the end.
Not sure if 2 of 5 is strong enough to continue
6 Replies |Watch This Discussion | Report This| Share this:Heavy LoadI found your article interesting. It hit the nail on the head for me. I've <br />been married for over 35 years to a man who retired from the military <br />18 years ago, earned 2 degrees, and has worked a total of about 9 months in the past 14 years. In the same time, I was diagnosed with RA, and am a 5 year survivor of ovarian cancer. I am the primary bread winner in a household that includes 4 adults, one of which is almost 90 and one who is autistic - he works part-time. My husband has asked me not to talk with him about his unemployedness - I honor this. I enjoy being involved community and attend most functions on my own as he does not want to be a part of it. I encourage him to use his craftiness to create things that I can sell - he's slowly moving in this direction. I am tired of carrying the household - I am fortunate to have a job I enjoy and make a decent living. I want to live - go be do - instead of waiting for the end.<br /> <br />Not sure if 2 of 5 is strong enough to continue
DfromSpencer responded:
Hi
What is it you are asking? Or, is this just a comment on another post? Not sure? Please elaborate.
Dennis
What is it you are asking? Or, is this just a comment on another post? Not sure? Please elaborate.
Dennis
Report This| Share this:Heavy LoadHi<br /> <br />What is it you are asking? Or, is this just a comment on another post? Not sure? Please elaborate.<br /> <br />Dennis
toomuch4me replied to DfromSpencer's response:
Just getting my frustrations off my chest. I read the article by Becker-Phelps and connected with it.I scored maybe 2.5 out of 5. It clarified for me the areas in need of attention - both by me and my husband. Posted in the wrong area - was hoping for professional response.
Report This| Share this:Heavy LoadJust getting my frustrations off my chest. I read the article by Becker-Phelps and connected with it.I scored maybe 2.5 out of 5. It clarified for me the areas in need of attention - both by me and my husband. Posted in the wrong area - was hoping for professional response.
Hi, toomuch4me. I can definitely hear that you are feeling strained, but I'm not sure what you are looking for. Are you asking if a 2.5 is a high enough "score" to keep trying? If that's your question, then I need to clarify that this is not something you can decide by how many characteristics of a healthy relationship you can check on a list. It has more to do with things such as how you feel, your commitment to your marriage, the direction you see things going, and the efforts that you see your husband making. Can you share more about your thoughts and feelings? And maybe clarify your question?
Report This| Share this:Heavy LoadHi, toomuch4me. I can definitely hear that you are feeling strained, but I'm not sure what you are looking for. Are you asking if a 2.5 is a high enough "score" to keep trying? If that's your question, then I need to clarify that this is not something you can decide by how many characteristics of a healthy relationship you can check on a list. It has more to do with things such as how you feel, your commitment to your marriage, the direction you see things going, and the efforts that you see your husband making. Can you share more about your thoughts and feelings? And maybe clarify your question?
toomuch4me replied to Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD's response:
I feel like I'm checking out of the relationship. I don't see my husband getting a job anytime in the relative near future. As we approach the end of summer, I fear his seasonal depression will come again and I do not want to react to him as I've done in the past. I know underneath it all he's a good man - he's just standing in his own way or I'm enabling him.
Report This| Share this:Heavy LoadI feel like I'm checking out of the relationship. I don't see my husband getting a job anytime in the relative near future. As we approach the end of summer, I fear his seasonal depression will come again and I do not want to react to him as I've done in the past. I know underneath it all he's a good man - he's just standing in his own way or I'm enabling him.
It sounds like your relationship is on the line. While it's great that he's a good man, that's simply not enough. So, you need to talk with him about your thoughts and feelings - even if he doesn't want to discuss them. You might want to explain to him your concerns and how the current situation is affecting you; also explaining that you want to improve things. If you can't get a constructive conversation going, but you really want to save your marriage, consider trying couple therapy. I do wish you well.
Report This| Share this:Heavy LoadIt sounds like your relationship is on the line. While it's great that he's a good man, that's simply not enough. So, you need to talk with him about your thoughts and feelings - even if he doesn't want to discuss them. You might want to explain to him your concerns and how the current situation is affecting you; also explaining that you want to improve things. If you can't get a constructive conversation going, but you really want to save your marriage, consider trying couple therapy. I do wish you well.
toomuch4me replied to Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD's response:
Thank you for your suggestions. I find I need some quiet time to make a list of what is going on inside me - I've internalized so much of this that it is negatively affecting me and I must stop this. I want to thrive not just survive...
Report This| Share this:Heavy LoadThank you for your suggestions. I find I need some quiet time to make a list of what is going on inside me - I've internalized so much of this that it is negatively affecting me and I must stop this. I want to thrive not just survive...
See Related Sex & Relationships Communities
Featuring Experts
Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD, launched her counseling career at age 17, as a telephone helpline volunteer in her New Jersey hometown. She is now a well-r...More
Helpful Tips
Just a little something I read today that I thought I should share...
Discretion "Recognizing and avoiding words, actions and attitudes that could bring undesirable consequences." Here are some simple things ... More
Was this Helpful?
5
of
5 found this helpful
Related News
Related Drug Reviews
- Drug Name User Reviews
Report Problems to the
Food and Drug Administration
You are encouraged to report negative side effects of prescription drugs to the FDA. Visit the FDA MedWatch website or call 1-800-FDA-1088.
Other Relationships Information
More Related Communities
The opinions expressed in WebMD User-generated content areas like communities, reviews, ratings, or blogs are solely those of the User, who may or may not have medical or scientific training. These opinions do not represent the opinions of WebMD. User-generated content areas are not reviewed by a WebMD physician or any member of the WebMD editorial staff for accuracy, balance, objectivity, or any other reason except for compliance with our Terms and Conditions. Some of these opinions may contain information about treatments or uses of drug products that have not been approved by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration. WebMD does not endorse any specific product, service, or treatment.
Do not consider WebMD User-generated content as medical advice. Never delay or disregard seeking professional medical advice from your doctor or other qualified healthcare provider because of something you have read on WebMD. You should always speak with your doctor before you start, stop, or change any prescribed part of your care plan or treatment. WebMD understands that reading individual, real-life experiences can be a helpful resource, but it is never a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment from a qualified health care provider. If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor or dial 911 immediately.
Health Solutions From Our Sponsors
About WebMD Advertise With Us Terms of Use Privacy Policy Sponsor Policy Site Map Careers Contact Us
First Aid WebMD Magazine WebMD Health Record WebMD Mobile Newsletters Dictionary Physician Directory
©2005-2013 WebMD, LLC. All rights reserved.
WebMD does not provide medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. See additional information.