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Married 20 years to drug addict
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kayefly1 posted:
I am a HR Manager as well as a bookkeeper good job ,nice home and then ther is my 54 year old husband who has been a crack and meth addict for years. He worked out of town most of the time so it was years ,before I realized he had a problem. No matter how angry or sad I get he doesn't care, I thought about leaving but have nowhere to go, and in sc I cant make him move so after a binge he is allowed to come home to sleep eat take what money or valuables we have to sell so he can go back to work to make more money for his drugs. I make the mortgage, take care of my vehicles, take care of the house and yard and pretend Everything is good when family is around. I'm tired ,I don't know where to go or what to do. I just want to go to bed and not get up anymore!
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Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD responded:
This sounds terrible; and I feel so bad for what you are going through. But I have so many questions for you.

Are you sure that he can come back in? Have you checked with an attorney?

Why not divorce him? I can't imagine that he could still come back then. And, it would give you a chance to move on.



Can he come back because you are married or because he owns the house? If it's the latter, you definitely should consider moving. Stay close to family or friends, but begin to establish a happier life for yourself.

Finally, what do family and friends (who know more than we do) have to say about this and what do they advise? You sound seriously depressed (unless this is just a moment of venting) and should consider seeking therapy - a therapist can help you walk through all of this step-by-step while helping you manage emotionally.
 
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An_247675 responded:
Been there and done that!! Get out - leave him, his habit will not change until he wants to change. You didn't cause it, can't control it and you sure as hell can't cure him. I was married for 27 years (he was 55 when I left) to a man that loved speed, crank, meth and of course alcohol as they go hand in hand. I didn't think I had anywhere to go either but 6 years later I am standing tall on my own two feet. After his last stint in rehab he did pretty good for many years and I told him at that time that if he began using again that I would walk and I did. He did get sober (back into rehab) after I left him and wanted me back but I couldn't allow it for either one of us. I am positive that it would have ended in disaster. I am sorry to hear that you are in the same situation but you need to make a plan and stick with it. Attend a Al anon meeting where you can meet a support group to help you with your plan. Good luck, I wouldn't wish that life on anyone not even my worst enemy!!
 
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NOTSUROK responded:
I AM SO SORRY YOUR GOING THROUGH THIS....I NEED TO LOOK INTO THIS MATTER WITH AN ATTORNEY..YOUR BASCIALLY DOING EVERY THING AS A SINGLE PERSON. LIKE YOU SAID YOUR PAYING FOR YOUR OWN BILLS..IM SORRY I WOULD KICK HIM OUT..TALK TO SOME ONE DONT LET ANYONE BRING YOU DOWN..


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