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    How well do you cope?
    Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD posted:
    Whatever your particular struggles, you may come to a point when you begin to question your way of coping or even recognize that it's working against you. At these times, it is helpful to know that there are only three basic approaches to coping. Although you can use them in ways that work against you, you can also choose to use them more effectively:

    Acceptance: You accept things as they are. It's important to note that when you accept the present as it is, you might still want to change it in the future

    Alteration: You alter (or change) a situation. When a situation is something you can control or influence, it can be very helpful to alter it in a constructive way by changing your behaviors or expectations.

    Avoidance: You avoid thoughts, feelings, people or situations that cause you stress. Be careful with this one. If you avoid important and problematic situations, your problems are likely to get worse.

    Which styles of coping do you tend to use? How are they helpful? How do they make your situation worse? And, how you might accept, alter or avoid your situation to improve it and nurture a happier life. For this and more information please come check out Dr. Becker-Phelps blog here: Art of Relationships.

    Take the Poll

    What coping style do you tend to use?
    • Acceptance?
    • Alteration?
    • Avoidance?
    • No default style. You usually match your style to the situation.
    View Poll Results
    3point14 responded:
    My motto in life is "Fix it or Forget it" (well, actually "forget" is actually the f-bomb, but same concept). Anything I don't care enough to fix or that's impossible for me to fix, I put out of my mind and basically accept it as a fact.

    I'm not a fan of bashing my head against a brick wall. I don't like being stresed out. I have plenty of ambition and ability, I can change a lot more than what I've given myself credit for in the past. I've found this philosophy has made my life essentially stress-free and more pleasant.
    1candle4all responded:
    I am learning skills in theraphy to first accept what is and
    if it is now under my control to change it, to continue to
    radically accept.
    candykissesaresweet replied to 1candle4all's response:
    dont know my level of coping.all i do is suck it up and hurt myself..
    dfromspencer replied to candykissesaresweet's response:
    Hi, CK

    Long time no "see"? Hope you are doing as well as can be?

    When you say "all i do is suck it up", what you are saying is, that you accept the situation for what it is. So you see, you do know what you're style of coping is.

    Cheer up, darling! Today can be a great day, if you wish it so!
    I hope you will, Dennis
    An_247656 replied to dfromspencer's response:
    Cheering up is easier said than done! When you have been knocked down over and over again and hurt over and over just gives up. I avoid and shut down and even tho I know that is not the answer I need......people have just disappointed me so in my life, bosses, friends, spouse.......... I have no answers anymore.....and this get up and its a new day and its what you make it and blah blah blah......Well you cannot control in life anything.........And like I said after all the hurts and disappointments this person has had,,,,,,,I have just given up! If someone can tell me how to make people behave and not be mean......well I am open to listen to that one. People I have worked with are jealous of me cause I go to work and do a good job.....doesnt matter .....old or young........people are jealous and feel me a then they instigate stuff and one can only take defending oneself so long and when managers get in to the game.......well its time to walk away. I take and I take and I take.......then its just time to run........I already have a low self esteem of myself.....and when others just start crap......lies.....its more than I can bear.....Its really sad cause I love people and will help em and boost them and then they stab me in the back. People just disappoint me i wish i could just be that lonely ole polar bear.....hibernating in a cave six months and living alone with my cubs.....
    Mac1005 responded:
    How does one really change from Avoidance to Alteration and Acceptance (when appropriate)? I avoid because of past encounters with certain people and because I am not sure of my own beliefs. Am afraid of any confrontations and need to break the cycle of fear.
    candykissesaresweet replied to dfromspencer's response:
    we are put in this since we were kids we were told this is what is needed for us to get through the day .
    Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD replied to Mac1005's response:
    Very good question. It can really help to be more aware of the ways that you perpetuate self-destructive or poor coping and the motivations behind it. Very broadly speaking, to do this, you need to be self-aware and then to approach yourself in a compassionate way (which can help you manage your fears and other difficult emotions). Try reading my blog entry on compassionate self-awareness ; it will hopefully give you an idea of where to start. After reading it, let me know your thoughts or questions.
    Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD replied to 1candle4all's response:
    That's great! Glad to hear it.

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