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False accusations
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An_247778 posted:
My fiancee/partner of over 6 yrs thinks I'm had multiple affairs. This is not rue and have no idea why she has this idea. My first marriage ended because my ex-wife cheated on me with her boss. My father was a habitual adulterer and I've made it my life mission to not be anything like that. I have spent much of my time beating myself up trying to figure out where this all came from but can't. She has taken this to such a level that she even thinks I arranged for another woman to go on a cruise that we went on, and when I spontaneously went back to our cabin to open a bottle of wine for her she thinks I had this woman in our cabin and had sex with her. Logistically, this was impossible but there's no convincing her. Our relationship is on the line here. She wants me to confess and I told her I won't lie just to make her happy. I feel like there's an ax over my head waiting to swing at any given moment. She has so many issues I can't keep track anymore. This is not the girl I fell in love with. I don't want to lose her but I've done nothing wrong. Now what??!!
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3point14 responded:
What has changed in your life situation, hers or yours together, that was the catalyst for this change?

Would you both be open to couples therapy?
 
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fcl responded:
Honestly, this smacks of paranoia. Does she have any inkling of how ludicrous her suspicions are? She obviously hasn't always been like this so when did it start?

Not to worry you too much but ... my MIL started accusing my FIL of things similar to this. Turned out she had a neurological disorder. Is there any way you can get her to see a doctor and discuss her fears?

At the very least, you need to go to counselling (together). Be very firm about this. You cannot continue to live like this.

Good luck.
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
 
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schwerk replied to 3point14's response:
Honestly?? I was watching Monday Night Football with no lights on and when she pulled in the driveway saw shadows. Plus, I was acting "funny". Reality is that watching tv in the dark shows tons of shadows and since it was MY team (the Bills) playing, I ALWAYS get edgy. I actually will pace the room. She'd not seen me do that. So, after that, she was convinced some one was in the house and snuck out the back door. Go figure!
 
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Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD responded:
I just responded to you on another thread, but would like to add that I agree with FCL that this sound paranoid. I wonder if this is a new behavior and is a symptom of a psychological and/or medical problem. Have there been other changes? If she doesn't think that there is anything wrong with her, but you do, you might get her to go with you to couple therapy to assess her, as well as to see if there is a way to save your relationship.
 
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schwerk replied to fcl's response:
She's been to counseling for years. The counselor even said she doesn't see it. My fiancee's daughter even has said she's nut's and imagining things. Most men in her life since childhood have been not the nicest of men so my guess is I'm paying the price for that. I have no problem with counseling, however, since I've done nothing wrong, the conversation will be all about her. BTW, I've gone with her before. Nothing seems to come of it. If I had all these women in my life, doesn't it stand to reason that someone would have discovered me since I know an awful lot of people, and I would have left her already. Nothing makes sense. It's a horrible feeling to be wrongly accused.
 
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Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD replied to schwerk's response:
You originally said, "This is not the girl I fell in love with." Yet it sounds like she's had this issue for years and it has not markedly improved. And, treatment has not helped. If that's correct, it sounds unlikely that it will change; or, won't change anytime soon.

Even though you didn't see it at first, it was apparently there - under wraps. So, I believe the next question is whether you are willing to stay in the relationship with her as she is.


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