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Do you create a safe space in your relationship?
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Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD posted:
It's essential to be loving, kind, and respectful; and to give your partner the benefit of the doubt. However, in the dance of intimate relationships, people sometimes step on each other's toes. And it is not only okay, but often helpful, to acknowledge when this hurts. This doesn't mean you have to tell your partner everything, or lash out in any way. But your relationship can be made stronger by talking through when your partner really upsets you. And, it can be made much weaker by hiding such feelings.


How do you handle when your partner's actions make you feel sad, hurt, angry, or some other painful feeling? And how does this affect your relationship?






For this and more information please visit
Dr. Becker-Phelps on her, The Art of Relationships blog.
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tmlmtlrl responded:
It's pretty obvious when I get mad because I get quiet. I feel bad for doing that, but don't know how else to manage the anger. What I do with my silence though is evaluate the situation and try to come up with the right words to use to get my thoughts through to the other person.

So it always ends up with me mustering up the strength to just say what is on my mind, in a kind-as-possible way. I'm pretty straight forward with my words then too.

I believe ultimately it has a good affect on our relationship. We have a strong relationship. It actually mostly sucks for me because I'm the one holding onto all these feelings until I know what and how I want to communicate them. My husband is very receptive of what I have to say. He's understanding and he doesn't like conflict so things are quickly resolved.

We don't do the name calling or "well you did this.." stuff. We put it out there and get it dealt with so we can be happy.
 
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3point14 responded:
We're both pretty good at the "It makes ME feel this when you do this" kind of communication, trying to avoid the "You're a jerk because you do this" kind that I've been used to in the past hahaha

I have a lot of anxiety problems and depression issues, and when I start getting overwhelmed, I usually just say "I need space" and then leave the room. He gives me lke fifteen minutes, and then checks up on me every fifteen minutes until I've collected myself. Another thing we do, when it's the world freaking me out and not necessarily my BF, is hop in the shower together. I feel really safe when he just holds me in the hot water and it usually calms me down enough that we don't fight or anything.

Sometimes I draw pictures on our dry-erase board of stick figures labelled as us and like, me handing him a heart if I think I've angered him, or me crying if he hurt my feelings. It starts a conversation in a non-aggressive way, and it usually makes us laugh.
 
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dfromspencer responded:
I have found, in my many "past" relationships, that it is best to just put it out there, and then deal with it. Only gently, of course. Perhaps over a candle light dinner? That way, the other person will not feel defensive.

I found, that most people like this type of approach. They are relaxed enough for dinner, so, they can ease into a discussion a whole lot easier. Most of my relationships never suffered by this type of communication. It turns out to be more of a benefit.

Dennis


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