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How do we find "BEST" friends?
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dfromspencer posted:
Hi, i'm Dennis, and this is my story.

Recently, i lost my one and only best friend to cancer. His name was Joe, and i met him eight years ago. I'll be 54 in Dec., he would have been 59 this November. Joe was a true best friend, he knew how to be a real friend. I had never had a real best friend before Joe. Sure, i had friends, but no one was ever a true friend to me. By that i mean, someone who, if they said they would be there they would. Only Joe was like that, he would give you the shirt right off his back, if he knew you needed it. Joe was there for me, through thick and thin, be it financial, or just to talk to. Joe was my rock! Now he's gone, and i am all alone.

I only got to be with Joe for eight short years. Those eight years were filled with fun, contentment, and fulfillment. We did most everything together. We were living in Omaha, and at that time i was trying to get my S.S.I. going. Joe lived about five miles from me, and he would walk down to my place almost daily, just to check on me. On the days he couldn't make it, he would call. Several times, he came down to see if i needed cigaretts? If i did, he would make me stay home, and he would walk the mile and a half to get me some. I was having trouble with walking at that time. He knew this, and would not let me go with him. That is how my best friend was.

After i got my S.S.I. going, i saved enough money to move up to Spencer, so i would be closer to my brother. I asked Joe to move with me, and he did. On the day we moved, i found out that, i had rented a place right across the yard from his two daughters, and three grandchildren. What a coincidence! Joe made me a part of his family. So, in return, i would take him up to my brothers house. We shared everything.

Now he's gone, and i am all alone. At his funeral, i got to thinking, was I as good a friend as he was to me? I hope i was? There was nothing i would not do for that man! I loved him dearly, I loved him like a brother.
I can't believe he's gone? We had plans for the next thirty years. I have no idea, what i am going to do now? I feel lost, and helpless.

This is where you come in... How do I go about finding a new best friend? Joe and I kind of bumped into each other, and hit it off right away. I didn't have to search for him. How do I go about this? Please help me, I feel so clueless right now???

Thank you for listening, I hope you will help me?

Dennis
Reply
 
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Chris_WebMD_Staff responded:
Dennis,

I'm such a fan of yours. I'm a fan of the person you are. I'm sorry this happened. It's so final so sad to lose the people we love.
I lost my Mom in May and getting through this is tough.

And I bet you were a great friend to him. I just know it.

Gosh how do we find a new best friend? I don't think we find them, I think we stumble on them. I know with my friends there has always been an instant "like". A connection we have both felt.

I have may "best friends" online and off.

You will make a connection again. Put yourself out there. Someone very lucky will find you and you will become part of their lives. Nothing better than friendship. You were lucky to have Joe at all and he, I'm positive, was lucky to have you.

Hugs dear friend*
Chrissy~

Life is too short, so kiss slowly, laugh insanely, love truly and forgive quickly.
Author Unknown
 
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Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD responded:
Dennis,

I'm so glad to see you started this thread. I think that this is an example of what you can do to find a new best friend and more nurturing relationships -- just reach out more and be involved in life. By being actively engaged in life (with people and fun and meaningful activities), people open themselves to new possibilities. They can get the support and caring to feel good and do more positive things; and they can get the support and caring to help them pull through difficult times. With so many positive activities and interactions, people provide fertile soil and ongoing care for new, close relationships.

Meanwhile, given that you have struggled so, it is important to follow through with the therapy.

I do wish you well.
 
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love2lol2 responded:
Hi Dennis,

A friend of mine talked me into joining a site at the time it was called MyYearbook.com. Now it's called MeetMe.com. I didn't know it was mostly a dating site, but you can get or give it as much as you want. It's a little out-dated, like me lol. But it's a gr8 place to meet friends of all walks of life. I met the man of my dreams without even looking!

I have been alone for nearly 10 years, by choice, because like you, I'd lost my Best Friend. He wasn't only my Best Friend, he was my Soul Mate. I could talk to him about anything and everything.

A few months after joining MeetMe, this man sent me a private message and something told me to answer him. I usually didn't answer anyone unless they read my profile and could tell me something about what they read, otherwise I figured they just wanted to go to yahoo and not interested in me for me.

There is a place to match others by answering questions. If I had enough in common with them then I friended them. Some were just friends, others were good friends, and for some reason George and I clicked from the very first message. I took it one step further and required him to ask a question and answer his own question each time we chatted, and I did the same. After about 6 months we ran out of questions to ask. Now 9 months later, we talk for hours on the phone. When we aren't on the phone, we are on the computer lol. He lives in Kentucky, I'm in California. He is moving here next month and I couldn't be happier!

I feel everything happens for a reason, we may not understand it at the time but at some point it reveals itself.

I am 58, he is one week older than I am so it's not like we haven't learned a life-lesson or two. I am also on Social Security and don't get out much either. So the computer is a gr8 way for me to meet others. I have never been much into 'dating' sites but MeetMe has a different twist. I recommend it if you are looking for 'Best Friends First'.

I'm sorry for your loss Dennis, Pick yourself up and keep yourself open and honest and you will find what you're looking for. Good luck be with you!
 
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dfromspencer replied to Chris_WebMD_Staff's response:
Thanks Chris

I knew I could count on you! I am so sorry for your loss! I lost my mom when i was 17 or early 18. I know how you feel. I know what you mean by final.

I am a huge fan of yours! You always pose such great questions. I just love it here! Just being on the diferent communities, and helping others, i feel like i am helping myself. I can think of Joe now, and not cry so much.

Tonight, I am going to go to the mall. Just walk around, and say hi to people. See what happens? Tomorrow night, i have to go visit my brother. Then its back to work sunday morn. Wrong! My boss just called back, i now have to meet this truck at 7:30am tomorrow morn. It will have to wait till sat. night to put myself out there.

Wish me luck. Hugs right back at ya!!!!

Take care, my friend, Dennis
 
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dfromspencer replied to Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD's response:
Thank you, Dr. Becker-Phelps

I had my Dr.'s appointment this morn., my therapist had an emergency with one of his younger children, and could not keep our appointment. I will be reshedualled sometime soon.

I had planned on going out tonight, to put myself out there, but duty calls, and i have to work in the early morn. So, this will have to wait till sat. night. I was planning on cruising the mall tonight. Just saying hi to people. Something to get me started. Well, tommorow night it is, then!

Wish me luck, take care, Dennis
 
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dfromspencer replied to love2lol2's response:
Hi, Love2lol2

Thank you for the kind, and generous post. I had hoped to get at least one reply, but here I got three. And its still early. So much good advice already.

I am sorry for your loss, yet I am soooo happy for you! Finding someone like that has got to be a wonderful experience? Who would have ever thought, computers could get you dates? Someone sure did, and they must be very wealthy by now? Match.com is the first to come to mind. I was told, they had people on there, from all over the world. If that is true, then they would have to be rich, right? Wow!

I liked your idea, but i am not the social networking kind of guy. I had a hard time convincing myself to try this web site. Personal security was my top issue. So, for me, it will have to be places like the mall, grocery store, library, etc. etc. I am even thinking of joining a book club, or something like that? Anything that will get me around people.

I will keep myself open, and being honest is my motto. I do not want a lady to fall in love with someone I am not. Thank you very much, for all the advice.

Good luck, take care, Dennis
 
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love2lol2 replied to dfromspencer's response:
You are on the right path Dennis. I know how you feel. The security is a problem in almost every aspect of all things 'internet' that's for sure!

I have always had a problem meeting people. I am a shy type of person until you get to know me,,,then, once I get comfortable look out! HaHa! For some reason I am more open on the social networks than anywhere else. I have met a whole lot of my family I didn't even know existed until I went to Facebook! I found out I am related to both sides of the famous feud of the Hatfields and McCoys! And John Wayne, who's name is really Marion Morrison, and Jim Morrison to name a few! Now I'm looking for my Father's side to see what's in store for me on that side!

This is a great place to get to know people too. I have just stumbled across it looking for answers to my myriad of medical problems and am so thankful for this site. It has grown so much since I first used it and sorry I didn't keep in touch with it.

Dennis I wish you all the best in your path to find a Best Friend, and would be happy to get to know you better. I hope we run into each other here and there.

Hugs, and Spoons,
Vicki
 
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dfromspencer replied to love2lol2's response:
Hi, Vicki

That was such a deep, heart-felt post, thank you, thank you so much! I too, would love to get to know you! As you may already be aware, I am a little on the alone side of life, right now? So, an offer like yours is a little hard to pass on.

You're being related to both sides of the Hatfield, and McCoy's, is awsome enough, but to be related to one of my hero's in movies, and one in music, too? How awsome is that??? Pretty cool stuff! I hope you like what you find on your Father's side?

At this time, i am living in Spencer, Iowa. I really hope you are close? I would definately like to get to know you well. I'm 53, will turn 54 in Dec. Six foot tall, 195lbs., long light brown hair, blue eyes, clean shaven. I love Harley Davidson motor cycles, and would like to get one sometime in the near future. I'm not that into sports, though i will watch some football, boxing, baseball, mma, things like that. I like to take pictures of beautiful things. Now that i have a printer, I can start printing some out. My favorite color is green. My sign is Capricorn. I love fishing, and camping. Picnics in the park, under a shade tree. Walking in the moonlight, and the woods. I absolutely adore the mountains in Colo.! I love to watch movies, Titanic is my favorite. That and Avatar.

Well, I should quit here, i hope you will write to me again? If you would like to tell me a little about you, that would be great! I mean that! I really would like to get to know you! You sound like a "Real" person, not a fake. And i like honesty.

Till next time, take care, Dennis
 
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Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD replied to dfromspencer's response:
It's great that you posted this and have gotten such a good response. By keeping up the good work of reaching out (here and by making plans to physically go out), you are definitely helping yourself.

As for the therapy, please - for your sake- reschedule it immediately.

And, good luck!
 
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love2lol2 replied to dfromspencer's response:
Hi Dennis,

I hope you take Dr. Phelps' advice and keep seeking therapy, I know first hand how much that helps! I've had to seek it a time or two myself

My Family is awesome and I'm glad to be fortunate enough to have stumbled across them so-to-speak. A lot of them are very musically inclined. I wish I had half the talent that most of them do and I am a huge fan of music.

We don't live very close I'm afraid...I live in the heart of the Redwoods on the Pacific Coast, located in Northern California, which is an AWESOME place to live!! Like I said, George will be moving here from KY next month because I am not willing to leave this area. For one, my family is here, I have two grown boys and two Grandkids plus three Step-Grandkids.

I grew up here and tried to live in other areas, WA, ID, and various places in CA, but none could compare to Humboldt County. The temp. stays in the 50s and 60s nearly year around which is good for Discoid Lupus. We have the Pacific Ocean 5 minutes away, the mountains 20 minutes to the East, and the Redwoods both North and South.

I am 58 since May, so am your elder! lol. You tower above me by 10". Since it's not polite to ask a female their weight, I'll say I pack a few extra pounds hehe. Blonde, yes I've heard so many blonde jokes I could write a book! Only problem is,,,I can't remember enough to fill the pages ;-/ would that be because I'm old or blonde? Hmm. We have the same taste in movies I think. My health has kept me from doing a lot of the outdoor activities that I used to do tho.

Stay safe Dennis,

Hugs and Spoons,
Vicki
 
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dfromspencer replied to love2lol2's response:
Hi again, Vicki

California, how awsome is that? I was stationed at Fort Ord when i first joined the Army in 76. I loved the Monterey Bay area, but I had a girlfriend in Riverside, by Los Angeles. She was my buddies sister, they grew up in Riverside. I visited other area's while there, San Fransico, Santa cruz, I loved the beach and boardwalk there. I never made it up to see the red woods. I wish i had, they are magnificent!

My son lived in Puyollup, Washinton. I never made it out to visit him, either. Bummer! Now he lives in Denver. My daughter lives in Colorado Springs. That was where my ex-wife and I made our home, when i left the service. I adore the mountains! I would very much like to live there again! I used to sit on the picnic table in the back yard, and look at Pikes Peak. It was awsome!!!

So you think you are an old lady, huh? 58 is NOT that old, thank you. After my divorce, I dated a lady that was 63, while i was oly 32. She called me her Boy Toy. Arm Candy, things like that. She was so funny. I have even dated a younger lady, she was 24 while i was 52. I caught her cheating on me. Bummer, again.

I am happy for you, you have met this wonderful guy, and he is moving there to be with you. Now, how awsome is that? Pretty cool, i think? Perhaps I have missed out on someone very special? You write such deep, meaninful posts. You feel that which you write. You must be a wonderful woman, George see's it. He must feel it, also. I do. And i have only read a few of your posts. WOW!

I like to read alot, do you? I find that a little hard to do, right now. My job keeps me out all the time, so any reading i do now, is off this computer. That is one reason i like this site so much. I read all kinds of books, Stephen King is my fave. But then, i like westerns, bio's, mysteries, history, and yes, even the love stories. I'm just a sentimental old fool. (LOL)

Better go for now, please take care, and write when you can. I do like to read whatever you post, You really blow me away, sometimes. And i would like to thank you for that.

Dennis

P.S. If i may ask, what is "Discoid Lupus"? How does this effect your life? D.
 
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love2lol2 replied to dfromspencer's response:
Hi Dennis,

I lived in Olympia, WA which is where I had my two sons. I liked it OK but it was too hot in the Summer! It was nice to have all the trees and the snow in the Winter wasn't so bad either. I so did NOT like Idaho! We lived in Twin Falls, and I could look out my window and see my whole days weather! LOL. There were mountains but it seemed you could drive forever and never get to them! One year I used my Philodendron for a Christmas tree cause there wasn't one to be found lol.

Yes, it was an awesome day when I met George. Like you I wasn't too keen on 'dating sites'. My friend from high school talked me into going to this site that I thought was like classmates.com because of the name so I went and signed up but soon noticed it was a place to meet people lol. For a few months I would visit for a quick glance to see what Penny was up to, and then one day for some reason I spent a little more time than usual. I got a message from George, telling me we matched at a pretty high score. Normally I didn't answer anyone's message but I went and checked out his profile. I saw his name and where he was from and knew right away we HAD to be related lol. Sooo I messaged him back and informed him of my suspicions and he thought I was nuts but after chatting back and forth for a while he agreed and by that time I was feeling sad cause I really started liking him a lot. We had so much in common and he made me laugh like nobody else could. I contacted the family historian to see how closely related we were and found out we were 6th Cousins. So with a sigh of relief I decided we weren't close enough that it mattered and here we are today! I mean what are the chances that I would meet him on a site I rarely went to, and talk to him only because we were related? So you see anything can happen especially when you aren't trying so don't ever give up looking for your Best Friend. You never know where you'll find them or they'll find you.

I don't read much sad to say. Among my myriad of problems I also have Narcolepsy and reading is a sure-fire way of putting me right to sleep, or I'll read a whole page and realize I haven't a clue what I just read! Discoid Lupus is an Auto Immune Disease. I was diagnosed at age 30. I was playing Women's Softball and our team was in first place at the end of the first day. I was pitcher, and didn't think too much about the possibility of a sunburn because it was a bit foggy but I got a little burned. The next day we played all day, and me without sunscreen and already burned, burned again ugh! We won the tournament and I went home to heal my wounds lol. I broke out in this strange rash and boy was I miserable! My life changed then and there. I couldn't go out in the sun anymore and the indoor lights were even bothering me. I learned to cut the drama out of my life and try very hard not to let stress get the better of me which is the hardest part I suppose. I was on Prednisone for a whole Summer. My Rheumatologist died about 5 years ago and because I thought I had it under control, didn't seek out another one. I didn't realize it could go Systemic until recently I started having other unexplained problems. Now the Dr. is pretty sure it's Systemic. This site is a gr8 one for learning more about it and everything else that's wrong with me. I won the health problem lottery I think lol. I am currently in a Lupus Flare so may not have enough energy to be online much for a while.

I watch movies to compensate for not being able to read love that rewind button! It's the most used button on the remote haha. We have a lot in common there too only you read it while I watch it lol. I'm always watching the History Channel or Science Channel. I love Ancient Aliens. And there's nothing wrong with love stories hehehe good you're in touch with your softer side

My Grand Daughter is here and I LOVE spending time with her so I will sign off for now. I'm enjoying our chats Dennis, let's keep them going

Hugs and Spoons,

Vicki
 
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dfromspencer replied to love2lol2's response:
Hi, Vicki

I am so sorry to hear about your condition(s)! It must be tough on you, both physically and mentally? The not being able to go out in the sun, would just about kill me. And not read, ME? No way! However, i also use the rewind button alot. There are certain sceens i have to watch over, a few times. Especially the romantic ones. I'm a wierdo, ii know! Is there no cure for lupus?

You certainly have been around. I have moved around alot myself. Not so sure i want to do that, anymore. I hate packing! That was the one thing i hated the most. Unpacking is not so bad, because you are there, you know?

I'm glad you have company! And having a grandchild visit is the best. You are so lucky! As i said befor, my children, and grandchildren, live in Colo. Spgs., so i don't get many visits. Once i get some money saved up, i will take the time off, and go visit them.

I love those channels! And Ancient Aliens is my fave too! I absolutely believe we have been visited by Aliens since the beginning of our time. The proof is in the pudding, so they say. How could it be otherwise? The proof is overwhelming.

Riht now, i am sitting in my motel room, watching The First 48.
A&E has some pretty good programs also. But itsgetting late, and i have to be up at five. So, better go for now. I love "talking" to you also, so yes, lets keep it going!!!

Befor i go, i wanted to say one more thing. This morning, while i was waiting at the truck stop, i reached for my phone, and started to text Joe. I'm still finding it hard to believe he is really gone. I miss him so much! The loneliness is really starting to get to me. I am so glad to have you, and the others on this site, to talk to! What would i do without you? Thank you!

Take care, talk soon, Dennis
 
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love2lol2 replied to dfromspencer's response:
Hi Dennis,

I am so sorry to hear you're still having such a bad time dealing with your loss. You don't have to text him you know, he is still right there beside you and you can talk to him any time you feel the need. He will send you a sign in some way to let you know he hears you.

Being you like to read I will tell you my thoughts on our life cycle. I love butterflies. I have butterflies in every room of my apartment, pictures, figurines, or whatever catches my eye. I truly believe our life-cycle is much like that of the butterfly. It starts out as this little caterpillar held to this Earth leading a somewhat mediocre life, then one day it encases itself in a cocoon. While in that cocoon, it transforms into this beautiful butterfly! Once fully developed, it's able to fly no longer bound to the Earth's surface. It flies from place to place all the while giving all who see it a smile or a calming thought while admiring it's beauty.
We start out in our human form, bound to the Earth, much like the caterpillar. Then, one day, when our time here is done, we die, and like the caterpillar we transform into something far more extraordinarily beautiful and complex than anything we can imagine. And that's when our 'life' really begins. It's not here, but there.

Joe is no longer bound to his pain here on this Earth. His life-cycle was complete, he finished what he was sent here to accomplish. You were fortunate enough to have him in your life and I'm sure you will never regret one day of knowing him right? You will join him again one day, but for now your time here is not finished. Your family needs you as does all the people around you. For instance that person you smiled at today, maybe you gave that person a reason to take their next breath. Or someone who read your post on this site was given a little glimpse of hope that their problem isn't so bad that they can't cope. Or the new friend you made a few days ago feels a little richer for getting to know you and having you to talk to. Don't be sad he's gone, be glad for knowing him. I for one am glad you knew him because otherwise we may not have met and how sad would that be? Keep your chin up Dennis, it will get easier I promise you, think of the joy he brought you not the pain you feel now. Keep his memory alive by telling others what a fine human being he was. As long as he is in your heart, he is still with you.

As for me and my health, I can't change it I just have to work a little harder than most to keep my spirits up. There is no cure for any of my illnesses, only ways to slow it's progression or keep it at bay. I will tell you more another time. It's late and I have a long day tomorrow and I'm using up all my spoons lol.

Hugs and Spoons,
Vicki


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