I was with my high school sweet heart for 4 years. We were engaged to married but I helped my bff of 15 years out and moved her and her kids in with us from the other end of the state. My fiance ended up cheating on me with her. I left, they stayed, he took on her 2 kids as his own and ended up having another child together. My bff and I ended up talking again after a year. Her kids were my god children. Still not completely over the situation though...but i loved the kids! She ended up cheating on my ex-fiance a numerous of times and he did end up catching her and she left him....She then was caught doing bad (non sexual) things with my current fiance (3 years ago) I again got over it. Now i again catch her with my 2nd ex-fiance still suppose to be my best friend and she is doing some uncalled for things but who am i to judge she is an adult. Mean while my high school sweet heart calls me and we just start talking about the well being of the kids and danger that she is putting them through....I am to the point to where I know I can no longer trust the bff...and have told her i want to have nothing to do with her. Not telling the father of her kids whats "really" going on. My high school sweet heart and I have bn talking for a cpl weeks now and hitting it off....should i feel guilty about this? what is this going to do to the kids if something does happen? My bff mother called me going offf on me the other night for it. I am still at a loss of what to do...need input! He asked me last night if there was ever a chance that we could re-kindle what we once had that he never stopped caring and he was older and wiser now and would do it "right" and he didn't want an answer now but to think about it. I would love to see what could go on with us again but am scared and explained that to him. not only would i be able to completly trust him but what would this do to our children? So lost! I have 2 kids of my own to think about and I just dont know waht to do. She was my bff for 20 years and betrayed me in many ways i couldnt even begin to count. But do I dare try to take what once was the life i always dreamed of after so much has happened? or do i leave it at this and go on?
Holy drama! I'm so sorry you had to go through this. My honest advise is to never talk to any one that was involved with that situation. I went through something different, yet similar. Were my significant other cheated on me, but with a random girl. After separation I wanted to give it another shot. I tried for three years after his betrayal to get over it. It pained me constantly. I personally was not able to fully look past it and truly be with him. Your situation is an even deeper cut, he cheated with your best friend. He does not deserve you, ever. As nice as it is to have an old familiar love back, you have to ask yourself if that's what you truly want. Is some one, even is they are wiser now, was able to/did do something like to to you are they even worth the time of day? I'd say no.
Especially since both parties have kids involved AND you have a crazy ex friend that was involved with both of you. For the kids sake alone, it's not worth another chance. The possibility of it not working out Again I'd imagine would be damaging to them.
I'd say start over with someone who doesn't have it in them to ever do that to you in the first place. Why back track?
You need to go on, to much has happened between you all. It will be hurtful for some and confusing to all.
Thanks for your Reply!
Wow, you've been through a lot!
I agree with some of the other advice, I think you should leave this situation and all involved and not worry what any of the people say or do. Eventually they will get over it. At least thats what I would do..
Of course thats not to say that your ex hasnt changed. Maybe he was young, did something silly and has grown up and is more committed. But do you want to take that chance? especially with children involved. Also remember that the relationship won't be the same as it used to be. You probably know this but when considering whether to give it a try or not, please dont think about how it once was when things were going fine. You'd need to basically start again - start dating, getting to know each other properly again and it could be completely different to what you once had.
Just a few considerations, and only you will know the best option for yourself (and your kids). All the best!
First of all, could you ever fully trust him again? You already said you couldn't. So, don't get involved with him again. As for your so called bff? Ditch her ass completely! God kids or no, what she did, is inexcuseable! She has done you dirt more than once, she should never get another chance!
Move on with your life! Get over it, get past it, and move on! You deserve to be treated better than that!
Leave it and go on! It's not fair to the kids to even take a chance. He cheated with your BFF? No way!! He'll do it again. A one night stand maybe in a drunken stupid moment,,,but not what they did! Do yourself a huge favor and find someone who truly deserves you.
Most of the other advice you have gotten is good, all except for the spammer basically and I agree with the advice. I do want to offer a small suggestion though. Quit calling your ex best friend your "BFF." That stands for "best friends forever," as you know, and it implies a mental or emotional contract, if you will, to be best friends, well, forever. It's an indication of an underlying attachment. After she's done so many bad things to you and to herself, that attachment would be unhealthy. So "ex best friend" would not only be more accurate, but also healthier for your self esteem and your mind.
Aside from that, I think it probably would be best to cut contact and move on. Not just for your kids' sake, but for yours.
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