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Sensitive and Sad - need to put things in perspective more. Can you help?
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Anon_11642 posted:
Hi - today is my birthday and husband took me out for breakfast - gave me a card and I had picked out something nice - a jacket.

Daughter called me and sent a gift - no card - she said she just didn't have time since she is so busy which she is. Although I know she goes to grocery store and cards can be bought there as well but decided to understand.

My sadness comes from my son who lives down the street. The day is not over yet but so far no call, nothing - sometimes he doesn't do anything but a call anymore - has a son whom I babysat a lot in the past who will be 4. I always remember his birthday etc. I know I probably sound ungrateful - maybe I am but feel my son needs to make contact with me in some way to let me know I'm important.

I told my husband who didn't need to hear me say I guess I'm not important to my family - I should just lay down and die - he said don't go there - he doesn't know what to say - I dont want him telling our son either about our birthday forgetfulness - he forgot his too and my husband devotes his entire life to helping our son every day and he's 73 years old - he helps him too. My son said he had a card for him and would bring it over but never did.

Anyway, the day isn't over but if it ends without even a phone call I will be very say - maybe I should go to fitness center and work out now but maybe not just in case he rings my bell. He lives down the street.

Anyway, I needed to vent so am venting and hope I don't sound ungrateful or a complainer or not counting my blessings but why do I feel so sad about not hearing from my son.

Anyway, thanks for listening.
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An_241258 responded:
Hi,
Sorry I didnt see this on your actual birthday. Did you end up getting a call from your son?


I'm not making excuses for your children, but sometimes we (people) can get so wrapped up in our own lives that we do simply forget. Unfortunately some people also dont think. Like you give them a card when they have a new baby, buy a house, gettmarried and yet when you do one of those things you get nothing. It is disappointing and hurtful, and I completely understand you feeling sad your own children forgot a card, or even a phone call.


What you need to do though is to continue to give them the love. It sometimes feel one-sided but I think at the end they will either realise and give you the love back, or you will at least know you did everything to give to people you care for, and werent spiteful or hateful about any of it. Maybe also ask your husband to remind his son that it was your birthday. Some people dont like being told what to do, but if he simply forgot, then your husband can easily remind him.


I hope in the end your birthday was lovely (as much as getting older can be!!), and you had your lovely husband with you so thats better than having no one i guess
 
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Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD responded:
I wish you a happy belated birthday.

As for feeling disappointed in your children (you sound more hurt by your son, but still unhappy with your daughter), I suggest you think about the patterns you see in your relationships with them. You have definitely laid that out here a bit with your son. Then, if it seems like an ongoing pattern, I suggest you think about talking it out with them-- in a non-accusatory way. Close relationships require good communication to stay emotionally close. Hopefully, by sharing feelings and thoughts openly, you can find a positive way through this divide.

Good luck.
 
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Anon_11642 replied to Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD's response:
Hi - he did call and said he had a card and the 3 of them came over in the evening - it was a cute card - big hug kind of card and he gave me a hug and sang HB.

So felt a lot better - I do a lot of babysitting for their almost 4-year-old son - my husband told me later a little gift would have made it perfect but who knows. When he first got married he would send a plant, flowers or sometimes a rose. After he has been married a while just a card. His wife is different - they almost got a divorce - a lot of wives will remind their husbands about family birthdays on their side - I did when my in-laws were alive and always take care of it. She doesn't do those things but I dont want you to think I am ungrateful -

He did tell my husband he was trying to get in touch with me and couldn't and my husband told him I was bent out of shape that I didn't hear from him - I was at fitness center walking my sadness out which helped.

Anyway, I'm fine and feel embarrassed posting about this as I know there are a lot WORSE things - anyway I am a sensitive person so that could be my problem. I would have never just gone over to my mother's house with a card - he wasn't brought up this way but I do feel sometimes when they marry things change. Who knows maybe his wife didn't want him to be too mushy with me - she is different -

Could be lots of reasons - anyway - thanks for your posts and I do appreciate them immensely. Have a nice day!
 
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annony01 replied to Anon_11642's response:
Oh gosh, dont feel bad! You are allowed to feel sad on your birthday when you feel like your own family werent making an effort for you.


I'm glad you received a nice card and visit from the 3 of them


You are right, things change a lot when people marry. My grandmother alone, feels like she hardly sees me. Before when single I was working full time, and bored on weekends so had time to travel to see her. Now married, we are always busy. Things do change.
BUT one thing I know is that there is no excuse to forget a birthday or other significant thing in someones life. Even just a phone call, or a card in the post is something that brightens someones day. Maybe for next year you can set your expectations lower and if you receive a card again it will be a whole lot more meaningful. Not to say that you had high expectations this yr of course! But just maybe you wont be as sad and disappointed if you prepare yourself for next year if you get my drift...


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