Relationships and Coping Community

Stacy, he isn't mildly shallow. He's shallow right to the bone.

A man who loves you is not going to care about stretch marks. Heck, they're your "battle scars" for carrying his baby. Please stop torturing yourself over things you cannot change. Your stretch marks (they always start out fairly dark) will fade over time.

I really don't want to say this but ... the way he's been poking fun at you, mocking you, demeaning you makes me think that he's trying to get you to leave - preferably before the baby arrives. Do you think this might be a possibility?

I'm with FLC, mildly shallow? If he can't see past the outer marks of the beautiful baby you're carrying for him then he doesn't deserve you or your little bundle of joy! Wear them proudly!

Ask yourself honestly, Do you REALLY want to put yourself through him being so disrespectful? And once your baby is born, Do you REALLY want his influence and bad behavior to rub off on that baby? How is the baby going to feel once s/he is old enough to know they are the reason for your battle scars especially if you aren't wearing them proudly?

The color of your stretch marks will most likely fade in time. And I didn't lose the size I gained in my boobs so I made sure to keep them supported so the stretch marks wouldn't get too bad.

He should be ashamed of himself for those kind of remarks Stacy. You deserve better and so does your precious baby! He is 32, how much longer is he going to look un-scarred? Not long!

Wear your baby proudly, if he can't see the beauty in you (and on you) it's his loss NOT YOURS!!!!!

My ex-fiance didn't care about mine. I didn't have any stretch marks until I became pregnant--and he never made a single comment about the changes to my body aside from stunned (read: drooling) appreciation that my bust size got even larger.

I agree with the other posters--it sounds like your partner is more than 'mildly' shallow; it almost sounds like he's looking for a woman who's body he can treat as an accessory--a living Barbie. Do you really want to be with someone who judges a person's worth by their physical appearance, and who will belittle, demean, and insult the person they claim to 'love' when they don't live up to that arbitrary standard?--And do you really want your child to be raised by the same individual?

PS: A tip for minimizing the progression/spread and darkness of stretch marks: belly massage Spread lotion all over your tummy or other affected areas & rub it in regularly--keeping your skin conditioned, soft, and pliable helps give it a fighting chance against splitting beneath the surface. It won't stop it--but it'll help lessen future stretch marks.

Oh, Stacy

Once again you imply your B.F. is giving you grief. Why can't you leave? This "BOY" does not, and never will love you unconditionally, as one should be. Stretch marks, baggy boobs? That is all a part of having kids. He should know this already, he has two from before. How do you stay? How can you put up with this loveless situation? I know you love him, but get real. He is never going to change for you!

You'll get over him, eventually. Probably sooner than you think? It's like losing a loved one in death. We get over it, one day. We grieve, mourn, move on. This guy is at best a lack-luster lover. Can you live with that 10 years from now? Just wait till the baby is born, and your stomache is buldgy and wrinkly. What will he say to you, about that?

My suggestion is, don't wait to find out. You deserve someone who will love you no matter how wrinkly you get. It makes me wonder how he will feel towards you when you guys are 70????

Good luck, Stacy, you're gonna need it!

He has yet to make any other comments since the one time in the waiting room. But he had talked about other girls with these issues before, and made negative comments. Not really considering that I would one day potencially have these changes due to pregnancy, never thought much of it. But now that I am experiencing these changes, and finding it really hard to accept them, I'm finding it hard to believe he will be accepting of the changes as well (due to his remarks about other before.)

It was pretty late last night though, so I messaged him pretty much saying the samething I posted. This is what he had replied:
Since yur not responding I'm guessing you won't be bak on. I'm kinda sad you think I'm so shallow about looks. We both know I like a good looking woman but there is still no reason for you to think I'm not and won't be attracted to you. Yes I love you but I Do very much so, "lust" you still! No matter what I've said, and I know I've f--- up, I love you and think more of you than ANY woman, besides my grandmother. That is saying a lot. The things I said about stretch marks and the girls with them were just rude ways to get out of something I wasn't feeling. I'm so sorry I didn't think more when screwing up and comparing you to other pregos. I'm not the smartest man but I know when I've F'ed up, I just don't know how to ever fix it. My only goals since all this is to be the best man/husband/father I can be to you from here out. It's eyes only for you from now on. You are my sunshine and one day I hope that one day it'll be forgotten and just the past and you will be comfortable around me again. I'm sad and wish I could just tell you this in person or over the phn.

Apart of me feels like there's certain things said that just can't be taken back. But at the same time I don't know. Thoughts?

His response sounds genuine? But how can you ever be sure, again? After all he has said, has he really changed? Probably not? It sounds more like desperation, now? He probably thought you were meaning to leave him? He doesn't want you to leave, you take his lackluster love. No one else would. He's scared, period. This kind of "man", will never change, unless its something he really wants. He has proven himself to not love you. He has proven it by the many remarks, not just one. He has proven it, by not making love to you as you want it. Love is unconditional. Love means never having to say you are sorry. Love means giving you what you want in bed, anyway you want it. Love is unconditional!!!

Good luck, Stacy!
D.