Skip to content
My WebMD Sign In, Sign Up

Announcements

Attention: The information provided in this forum is intended for educational purposes only, and is not a substitute for individual professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment.
Includes Expert Content
Hurt with hard choices to make...
avatar
MicheleZ posted:
Okay I have been with my boyfriend for 2 and a half years and I just gave birth 4 months ago to my second child his first. It has been somewhat of a rocky road but I truly do love him dearly. I found out Sunday that him and my best friend of 9 years have been fooling around behind my back (well more like under my nose) for the past 3 weeks. They both are begging for my forgiveness and blaming each other for their betrayal. Now my boyfriend and I do not have the best relationship and have agreed that we are trying our best to work through things prior to this happening. My best friend knew of all our troubles for she is the one that I have always confided in and took to for advice and support. I am trying to forgive both but I just can't seem to get past all the deceit and hurt on her part. Mainly because I already had trust issues with my boyfriend for we both have made our share of mistakes and are working on that. However I never expected this from her and have always trusted her wholeheartedly. Is it wrong of me to want to put my energy in to working through my issues with myself, and our relationship and not hers? I put every bit of energy I have into my children already, then my self and mine and his relationship leaving no time or energy or want to into fixing my friendship with her. Any suggestions or advice?
Reply
 
avatar
love2lol2 responded:
Drop them both. Put your energy into your children and yourself. Your relationship with your bf was rocky to begin with so that alone should tell you something. For them to blame each other is pathetic! They both knew what they were doing right off the get-go! Your gf of 9 years isn't worth a second thought either. Do yourself a favor and move on. There is someone out there that wants to be with you and you alone. You shouldn't have these kind of issues in your relationships with anyone. Believe me you are wasting your energy where they are concerned. Think about your kids, that is not the kind of thing you want to teach them is it? Would you want your daughter to be treated like that or to treat someone like that? And same with your son do you want him thinking these things are OK? If you stay that is just what you're telling them.
 
avatar
Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD responded:
When people are in situations like yours, it's important that they be clear and honest with themselves, their partner, and their relationship. For instance, ask yourself:

Do I think he really is sorry for what he did -- and not just for getting caught?

Is he taking responsibility for what he did? (It sounds like he isn't. If this is the case, then how can he assure you that he will do things differently and this won't happen again?)

Are you staying because the relationship holds real promise for being healthy and bringing you happiness; or because you don't want to feel sad about losing it or have to be alone?

As for not wanting to fix your relationship with her, that's up to you -- and your decision certainly makes sense, given what she did.


Featuring Experts

Dr. Becker-Phelps is a well-respected psychologist, who is dedicated to helping people understand themselves and what they need to do to become emotio...More

Helpful Tips

Relationships and Coping Community recommended resourcesExpert
About a month ago, I asked the community here to suggest resources for finding a therapist. They suggested: Psychology Today's therapist ... More
Was this Helpful?
12 of 19 found this helpful

Related News

There was an error with this newsfeed

Related Drug Reviews

  • Drug Name User Reviews

Report Problems With Your Medications to the FDA

FDAYou are encouraged to report negative side effects of prescription drugs to the FDA. Visit the FDA MedWatch website or call 1-800-FDA-1088.