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How to get over the past?
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An_248371 posted:
Hi all,

I live in a small town and I hate to say it but I try to avoid certain routes so that I can limit running into a couple of people. Yesterday I walked into Wingstop to pick up my food order and I saw my ex with his ex girlfriend. I tried to maintain a smile with the cashier that was handling my ordrer and get myself out of there as quick as I could. By the time I got to the car though, I was all shakes, my stomache ached, I lost my appetite and I had to go to the 'bathroom real bad'.

Those two people cause me a lot of pain which I revist whenever I run into them. The ex wanted him back and did whatever she could to put me down and to emphasize that he wanted her not me.

While I was with my ex two years ago and I KNOW that I will never be with him again, I still think of him and have a special place in my heart for him. In the end, I was more into him than he was in me because he dumped me for another girl and then always ends back with his ex (the one I ran into) somehow.

By that description it kind of shows the player that he is and doesn't make him sound like much of a prize. It's just that I felt a strong connection with him that I've never felt about anyone else.

How do I get rid of these physical reactions and stop letting them be my weak spot? Has anyone else reacted similar to a situation they were in?

Thank you in advance.
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StacyVaughn responded:
I know exactly what you mean! I've dated some of the biggest tools, but for some reason find away of falling for them, and not wanting to let them go. It's pretty normal to "always" love someone, once you already have. It's a matter of knowing they're not good for you, knowing you're better off, and being inspired to start a new life with out that person. One day you'll realize you haven't even thought about them in days, What you're saying kinda makes it sound like you still want him back, even if its to a small degree. Stop trying to avoid him, her, or anyone. Live your life how you would as if you never even knew they existed. Focus on family, friends, meeting NEW MEN. Go out, make new memories. Accept the hurt/emotions you have towards them. It's ok to feel it, express it, but the next step is moving forward. If you catch yourself sitting there thinking about him, listening to a certain song, moping, immediately Chang what you are doing! Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself it happened, its over, time to think about yourself! Call a friend to hang out if it helps. If you allow yourself to let this control you/your life in any way, if you just sit there feeling sorry or angry cause of what happened, you're not going to be able to move on.
 
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dfromspencer responded:
Hi

I agree with Stacy. You have to move on as if he never existed. Concentrate on the future, or just the here and now. Immerse yourself in friends, and fun things you like to do. It will take your mind off him. Time, that is all you need, time. Eventually, you may find, that you can even be friends with him. Just don't let it become F.W.B.!

Enjoy YOUR life, don't worry about his. Time heals all wounds.

Good luck to you!
Dennis
LIVE LONG, LOVE WELL!!!
 
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Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD responded:
After I read your post, I prepared to answer -- but then read the other responses. I agree with them. You need to fill your life with meaningful and enjoyable activities, keep up with people you care about, and meet new friends and new men. By doing these things, you will find that you move on emotionally and feel happier with your life.
 
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tlkittycat1968 responded:
I hate to say it but you're giving your ex power over you if everytime you see them it causes you physical pain.
 
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annony01 replied to StacyVaughn's response:
HI,
I agree with Stacey too! And the thing to remember is that while you are sitting there, thinking about him and wanting him, he has clearly moved on and is definitely not thinking about you in return.


I know exactly how you feel. Went out with a nasty guy who cheated, and yet I still managed to have feelings for him. I knew he was all wrong for me, but i shook and carried on, everytime i saw him. When i went home I used to imagine that he had changed his mind and would turn up at my house wanting me too. The feelings were so nice, but also sad and I knew they werent real. It took time but I got over it. I also met my Mr Right by moving on and enjoying life, and now married I realise you do move on and will find someone SO much better eventually!!


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