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troubleone posted:
am seeing a married man for almost 3 years ... he is much older than i am. First i want to day that this is not something that i had planned or wished - i know how an affair can hurt but unfortunately i found myself in one. at first i thought it was just a one time thing. i have not been in many realtionships or date. so i guess i was flattered he was paying attention to me!!!!!! now we are 3 years in and we are in love. I know i love him to death ,,, and he says he does too!!!!!!!!! Now i feel i can not live without him !!!!!!!!!! Don't know what to do
StacyVaughn responded:
9 times out of 10 a married man will not leave his wife for the mistress. Even if he claims to, or says how unhappy they are. It's a typical clique situation. I get that you were flattered a man was paying you mind, but that doesn't make the fact you're screwing with a married man any less wrong. Either stay with him till he leaves you, or walk out now and find something worth while. Someone you can ACTUALLY be with. Marry. Have a family. Besides, he's been cheating on this woman, why wouldn't he cheat on you? Be realistic. Get your morals straight. Pull your head out of his a**.
CAMMSNNP replied to StacyVaughn's response:
The married man I was involved with, divorced his wife and married me, and I don't think it was the one out of ten instance.

Had discussions with his wife, and they had different plans for what they wanted from a marriage, which amazingly were not discussed prior to them marrying.

I think marriage is now viewed as a temporary thing even though partners want to commit. Sadly we also divorced, and he has been involved with a married woman for at least 5 years, while waiting for her to divorce. So I really don't know where you got your statistics from.

Marriage is a human contrivance. It has benefits in reducing STDs, and ensuring a protector role is filled for the vulnerable woman or her children. But beyond that, is the issue as to whether the couple is committed to each other enough to keep outsiders out. The relationship troubleone is in, is immoral only to some. To others, it is the future, representing intermittant committed relationships. Let's coin a term: Serial Monogamy or Serial Marriages. Not slamming the institution of marriage, just saying what the trends represent.

People have their own lives. Instead of growing together as a couple, they frequently grow apart pursuing their own personal interests.
fcl replied to CAMMSNNP's response:
Why don't you think you were the one out of ten? The rest of your story seems to bear out the principle that he doesn't have any boundaries, rather if the woman is forbidden then that makes her attractive. Why did you divorce?
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
StacyVaughn replied to CAMMSNNP's response:
The "9 times out of 10" was more than less a way of stating MOST of the time.

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