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long distance
dsmith33 posted:
my boyfriend and I have been on and off for 2 almost 3 years. We are 21 and 22 years old. He went away to school and we met through a mutual friend. He now is away most of the year due to his job. I love him more than anything but I have this constant fear that he is going to cheat. I know everyone says long distant relationships dont work but in all honesty I want to try and prove people wrong. Stupidly, I believe everything he says, and I'm more scared that I'm going to get my hopes up and my heart broken. My biggest fear is being alone and this situation doesnt help. I trust him but i dont trust the people hes around, is that bad. please i need some advice, this makes everything in my life so difficult. please help
Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD responded:
Long distance relationships are often difficult, but that doesn't mean they can't work. You might find my blog entry on long distance relationships helpful: Staying close when your loved one is far
dfromspencer responded:
I don't know what job he has, or why the people he is with, worries you? There is no reason this can't work out. Perhaps, you might want to talk to him about moving in together? If there is nothing blocking the two of you being together, why not? That would allay alot of your fears.

Good luck to you!

fcl responded:
All I have to say is that if you trust him the others don't matter. You can only "steal" a man away if he wants to be "stolen". It won't happen without his consent.

It's not stupid believing everything he says, it's called "trust" and it's an essential part of every good relationship.

Above all, trust your gut feeling and stop listening to the nay sayers or you'll never be happy In fact, avoid people who give your their opinion - it's none of their business.
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
dsmith33 replied to fcl's response:
now the thing is that his parents dont like me because they say im going to make him lose focus.. thats the last thing i want for him to happen. When I asked him what I should get his parents for christmas he told me a happy son and thats what they have but I feel I have to get them something
rhondamay replied to dsmith33's response:
dsmith33 , my husband and I have spent a large portion of our 35 years of marriage apart because of his work (construction). Most of this time he was home on weekends but part of the time he would be away from home for several weeks at a time. We have always had a strong marriage and as FCL said, the key ingredient is trust.

My parents warned me that it would not work. His mother questioned my love for him because we made it work. Many others tried to cause doubts as to his faithfulness but I ignored it and know in my heart that his love for me never faltered and knowing his character, he would never stray. The kids and I mean too much to him.

We talked every day on the phone and shared our lives and feelings in this manner.

It's not ideal but it can work. Our weekends were special and we made our time together count - as a cou[ple and as a family. It takes a positive mindset and trust — the ingredients that builds a marriage.

Listen to FCL. She is dead-on!

Good luck,

dsmith33 replied to rhondamay's response:
now hes another issue, he came home this past weekend. We saw each other friday night. He had a family party on saturday. Now we have been consistantly together for 8 months now and I feel that I should of been at least invited. He told me on Sunday that he should of asked me? is that screwed up that I wish he asked me? I know his parents dont like us together but we make each other happy and I feel that that was the reason I wasnt invited. I think after 8 months I would of got the invite. It was his choice to not invite me but I think its kind of wrong, that he didnt even make the offer. I love him dearly and I would do anything for him.. Does it make me a clingy girlfriend that I want to spend time with him and his family during the holidays?

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