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My boyfriend has started lying to me. Should I worry?
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symarahmeme posted:
My boyfriend has recently started lying to me mainly about little things like where he is or what he's doing. He gets real defensive when i ask questions just to be asking. There are times when he is in a hurry to get off the phone with me. He is a truck driver and I know how his job is; it's when he's not driving and is sitting still or at night. He erases all his calls and texts. Hangs up when I come around when he's on the phone with what he tells me is his friend. I don't treat him like this. He has access to my phone and my computer. He knows where I am and who I'm with on a daily basis. The first thing he tells me when I casually ask him what he's doing is " I'm alone, there's nobody with me or I'm not cheating on you." We have been together 4 yrs almost 5 and he has never done anything like this before. Should I be worried? How should I handle the situation?
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Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD responded:
I can certainly see why you are worried. The first step in situations like this is usually to talk with the person about your concerns.

For people here to help you more, it would help to know a little more information; such as: How long has this been going on? How long have you been together? Have there been other problems in your relationship? Is he doing anything else that concerns you or is different recently? Is there any abuse in your relationship -- physical or emotional? (This affects how you might respond)
 
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dfromspencer responded:
Hi, Sy

It sounds just like my little sisters problem she had with her ex-trucker husband. He said, and did everything you mentioned. And yes, he was cheating on her. If he refuses to talk to you about this, that pretty much confirms it, don't you think? Hiding things from the one you profess to love, is not healthy in any relationship.

You must get him to talk to you! If not, there is not much chance for the marriage to survive. Your suspicians will drive you crazy. If he wasn't cheating, he would talk to you honestly, right? You could try mentioning counselling? But with him being on the road all the time, chances for that is slim. You will have to ask him if he wants to save your marriage, or not? Then, it will be up to him.

Good luck to you!

Dennis
LIVE LONG, LOVE WELL!!!
 
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dekk2 responded:
I HAVE THE SAME SITUATION AND ITS NOT GETTING BETTER. MY BOYFRIEND WILL NOT COMMUNICATE WELL. HE DENIES EVERYTHING THAT INVOLVES CHEATING. HE GETS VERY DEFENSIVE AND ANGRY WITH SIMPLE QUESTIONS THAT I ASK HIM. I WANT TO KNOW AND TALK ABOUT MY CONCERNS AND FEELINGS BUT HE DONT RESPECT MY FEELINGS. HE THINKS IM JUST A CRAZY JEALOUS PERSON, WHICH IM NOT. HIS ACTIONS ARE TELLING ME AND HIS WORDS REFUSES TO TELL ME THE TRUTH, BUT I BELIEVE HE IS CHEATING. SINCE HE DOESNT WANT TELL ME, I CHOSE TO LEAVE HIM AND HE CAN MANAGE IT LIKE THAT. HE REALLY DONT CARE IF I LEAVE HIM, AND WE ARGUE, WE DON'T TRY TO SOLVE OUR ISSUE BECAUSE HE DON'T KNOW HOW TO COMMUNICATE BUT ONLY GET ANGRY ABOUT MY THOUGHTS AND QUESTIONS. IM DONE TRYING TO FIND OUT AND IM GOING TO MOVE ON. I DESERVE BETTER IN MY LIFE AND BE ABLE TO TRUST SOMEONE. HE HAS NO REASON TO THINK OF ME LIKE THAT BECAUSE I STAY HOME WITH THE KIDS AND I DONT GO NO WHERE, HE HAS THE CAR MOST OF THE TIME TOO. WITH THE PHONE, HE WOULD HAVE PROBLEMS WITH ME LOOKING THROUGH HIS PHONE, HE HARDLY LOOKS THROUGH MY PHONE. BUT HE KNOWS HE CAN TRUST ME. I DON'T TRUST HIM BECAUSE OF HIS ACTIONS. I DONT EVEN HAVE ACCESS TO HIS EMAIL OR ACCT TO HIS PHONE. I DID MY PART TRYING TO TALK TO HIM BUT NO LUCK. NOT EVEN COUSELING WILL WORK. SOO I GAVE UP. IM DONE.
 
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clipper1956 responded:
Sy; yes you should. This type of behavior is very typical of someone feeling guilty of cheating or seeing another person. I hope this doesn't make you feel worse but I don't sugar coat and I've been married twice to cheaters. No more. I 'm fixing that and divorcing the second and almost free and have found out they can't be changed unless they want to. You need to work on your self esteem such as I . Move on. Find your own inner strength and get fulfilled by your friends, family, and your work in life and soon enough you will be strong enough for a healthy relationship and not a non-healthy one. Good Luck!
 
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clipper1956 replied to dekk2's response:
Get strong within yourself! You can do it! I raised two children alone with the help of the good Lord. These kind of sneeky men are not healthy. You are very wise to move on. Good Luck!
 
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clipper1956 replied to dekk2's response:
.....and these kind of guys do exactly the same to every girl and it's just a different scenerio. They won't change without counceling. They have issues from the past!


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