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Reposting for more input
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Vburns8461 posted:
I am not in the relationship anymore, but still struggle with the all the stuff in between good times and bad times. It is very confusing. I was involved with a man for for years. We were a couple.. He is 45 years old never been married and no children. I had a concern about that when I first started seeing him. He is/ was a very good guy in most ways. But...... When he would get upset or mad about something he would need time to cool off, not a normal time frame of calling off, it would be days, weeks, sometimes months. In the beginning of us dating, he got mad at me cause I did not tell people we were dating, when I really didn't know what we were doing , he hadn't kissed me, or acted like we were dating, we were friends and hung out a lot together , no intimacy, then once we were actually dating an a short time had went by he got mad cause he had been mad at me about something and I went to a neighbors party and he accused me of going there to be hooked up with some guy.... Then we worked through that, then he got mad that I wasn't ready for him to meet my mother. That time after he had bugged me about that for a while, he got mad and didn't talk to me for a few weeks, till I went to him and tried to talk.. So over a four year time span, he kept doing this, don't get me wrong he did a lot of really nice things also and had a lot of good attributes. But every time he would get upset about something he needed to walk away and cool off he said, some was trying to accept that about him, I called it his cave time, but it was always something else, didn't have to be major. He would fly off the handle at the smallest things. We are not together anymore, but I am hurting badly cause he blamed me for everything. He was never wrong, never sorry, never apologized, I couldn't ask him questions like how is your day, cause he worked a regular job and farmed , and if I asked him that between things, he would get mad and say ask me at the end of my day. Anyway we broke up for a long time, and then started tailing as friends, but then he would do things like hold my hand or kiss me, once in a while, but then he still got mad about little stuff and wouldn't talk to me for days. I always ended up going to talk to him. This last time, even though we were just friends, he was remodeling his bathroom and had no shower and he had worked till 930 pm and had been showering at his moms, so I offered to him that he could come to my house to shower and he blew up at me and said I was being disrespectful to his mother, offering that because what would she think cause she knows he cant shower at home, I replied I thought if your moon is like mine she us sleeping, I was trying to be thoughtful of his. On and he was yelling at me, and I replied your 45 years old so if you want to shower somewhere else, think your mom would know...he could have just nicely said thanks for the offer but my mom will worry or something if I don't show up but he went ballistic on me. I told him I felt he had anger issues and I did not deserve to be talked like that and I thought he needed to get some help with his anger issues. Have not heard from him, which is normal, but it hurts still that he thinks he is never wrong,.,,,,,,,
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DmndLife1984 responded:
I don't know how you stood 4 years of this. This man's 45 years old, so he's not going to change. I'm a 28-year-old man, and I doubt I'll change much by the time I'm his age. My father in particular would never apologize for anything, and while the specifics don't matter for this post, ditching him about 8 years ago had become a very easy split-second decision. I had a lady friend recently with that sort of trouble as well, and though not as bad, I didn't stick around long. For you, nobody else came along over the years who could've been a much better fit for you?

Though he's a man, if I knew someone this overly defensive, especially one whose preoccupation with his mother sounds to me almost like Norman Bates in Psycho, I'd be pissed off but able to hit the road just as easily. If you go back to this guy, you either really like this relationship without realizing you do, or your self-esteem is low enough that you believe this is the best you can do. Don't be a sap.
 
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fcl responded:
He's a 45 year old who is worried that his mommy will think he's having sex???? Seriously? Drop this big baby and find a MAN. Do you want to spend the rest of your life catering to his whims and tantrums? Can you imagine having children with him? If you ever thought of marrying him, would you be prepared for mommy dearest to move in with you?

Try to imagine how you would like your life to be in five years? Does he fit in with this? No? Then cut your losses, chalk it up to experience and fly away free...
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
 
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dfromspencer replied to fcl's response:
Now that your free again, find a MAN to be with. Not this little momma's boy! He will never change! 45 already, and still worried mommy won't like him having sex? Really? Wow!

There are plenty of fish in the sea, and yours is out there. You just have to catch him.

Forget all about this guy. He might have been good at some things, but can you imagine yourself with him five to ten years from now? As FCL said, can you stand mommy dearest moving in with you? Just move on, you will be much happier!!!!

Best of luck to you!

Dennis
LIVE LONG, LOVE WELL!!!


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