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too soon to get involved????
An_215877 posted:
I got involved too soon after my divorce. I refused to let myself grieve my ended marriage of 22 years. The guy was a "dry" alcoholic who had been sober for 25plus years. He seemed sweet and nice and turned out to be soooooo self centered and so experienced with women that I got scared off. I didn't want to share myself with someone who had had the experiences he obviously had, a wife who died of cancer, a son who committed suicide, an abusive childhood, and many years of adulation as a revered college professor. I soon felt like a student who was being urged into a mold I didn't fit into. I didn't share the same financial pages as he did-- I waics very responsible with money, he tried to be, but I don't know if he was. He seemed so unrealistic about things like that. Liberal to my conservative, not real family oriented, afraid of the word "old", and not wanting a committment. Too much heartache for me. Religion was too mystic for me.. I am more fundamental that that. Too many differences, but a strong physical attraction. Heart-breaking
situation. I am glad to be clear of it, yet miss him dreadfully!!
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Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD responded:
Hang in there! It sounds like you need support (i.e. a shoulder to cry on) more than advice, but I'll share my thoughts anyway. It sounds like you made the right decision, but that your heart just needs time to heal. Do what you can to reclaim things that make you happy, and be sure to spend time with friends. Allow yourself to grieve, but also give yourself reasons to embrace life. Above all else, if you are as sure as you sound that he is not for you, do NOT have contact with him, or you'll confuse yourself and have to restart the whole grieving process.
3point14 responded:
It sucks when you have to be practical in the face of emotion, but in the long term it'll lead to way less heartbreak. Why feel like you're being put into a mold that doesn't fit? Neither one of you is wrong for being the person you are, or having the experiences you have, but it does sound like you two were a poor fit.

(big hugs) Allowing yourself to grieve for this relationship and your marriage will probably make you feel a lot better. Be kind to yourself, maybe see a therapist if you want to vent to someone unbiased. The worst part is over, and now be sure you tend to yourself.

Wishing you only the best.
speakup responded:
you answered your own question.... forget the guy, hes obviously not your type unless you wanna be molded... lol. My advice is to find a nice guy to start as friends... then see what happens... go hiking, fishing, to a movie... dont have to be that involved. every lady goes through withdrawls of a broken relationship and itll hurt for a long time... its how you deal with it that will either cause you heartache or not.
cami8954235 responded:
sometime we have to give and take. i know there is a lot of fault you find. but am sure he also find fault of you but was able to cope with them. sometime we have to at the bigger picture of life. you have live with it for many years why now you decide its too much for you. sometimes we tend to keep things inside rather than share it with others see how other cope with theres try new things. you might just end up with worst than him. sorry for your lost and i know you will mis him alot as he is the one you spent most of your life with. this is where a bit of pray would have help. i know for a fact

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