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Husband Refuses to accept my RA
Born_to_be_blonde posted:
First let me start with saying I love my husband dearly. I have already had one close call about a year and a half ago that left me in ICU for 3 days. Now this. I was recently diagnosed with moderate to severe RA and Im now on medication. My husband doesnt want to talk about it, he doent want to read about it and he doesnt want to be part of any decisions. He thinks that when I ask him to do something I am "taking advantage of the situation." Oh, if only that was the case. I try not to make the 'im in pain' face or noises because it seems to just irritate him. The times that I have tried talking to him about possible treatment plans he flipped out and told me to let the doctor handle it. Personally, Im not going to rely on anyone to make the right choice for me. I need to know what all the options are so I know what questions to ask. Its my health and Im the only one in charge.

I recently had my second dose of MTX and it kicked my butt. I was home sick all day, confused, weak, lethargic. I couldnt do anything. He was upset that I hadnt done anything all day. He couldnt believe that I just laid in bed all day. Not by choice!!! I know I cant be the only one who has gone through this. I dont know what to do about him. I need the emotional support right now. I am very scared and really upset about having RA but I dont know how to get him to understand and be there for me without being a nag. Any Advice? Anything will help.
Seesaw45 responded:
I can understand what you are going through. I myself have a husband who just cannot retain the idea that I have RA and that it limits my ability to do the daily household chores I used to do prior to being diagnosed 2 years ago. I even tried giving him a pamphlet to read and he didn't even bother looking at it. IT isn't an easy road in the beginning but it can get better. Do your best to keep communicating to him that the meds you are taking take time to get fully into your system and that he has to bear with you until this happens. You can't turn off a switch and make it go away unfortunately. I too was very upset when I was told I had RA. I have 3 children and my youngest was was 1 year old when I was diagnosed. You have to keep a positive outlook. it is hard to at first but. You have to believe in yourself that you can make it through this first hurdle of finding a medicine that works for you. I have been on hydroxychloroquine for 2 years and as long as I take frequent breaks to sit and stretch I can make it through each day and eventually get some cleaning done around the house. Keep communicating to your husband tell him that you need him to understand something that is very important. Yes, you hurt, but you are still the same woman he married. Have you thought of having him go with you to your rheum. appointments? Good Luck!
lcover responded:

I'm so sorry to hear that you are not getting the support you need from your husband. That is so important to have someone who understands. Maybe you could find a support group or try counseling to get some advice. He may need to go with you if he is willing.

I wish you the best and hope things turn around. You don't have control over whats happening to you and need all the support you can get.

Take care.

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