Hi Kristen,
I'm sorry you are hurting. I can relate, had unexplained back pain for two years before my hands started to hurt and I finally got a blood test confirming arthritis. I am a 32 year old full time teacher and I have a 16 month old baby. I don't have time for pain but it's not up to me. I have been down the road you are on and I too felt like I was being treated like a "seeker" or someone who just wants pain medicine. I was actually questioned about my pill use by a nurse...in a waiting room! That violates my HIPPA Rights (pretty sure that's the acronym) pretty badly, I had to tell her that the duration of the pill and the amount I was given adds up and I should have been out! I had to break it down like I talk to a high school student. That is not how I want to talk to the people in charge of my health. I then went on to "doctor shop" and finally found a family doctor who listened to me. I now have a team of three amazing doctors who listen to me, I am after all, the only person who can feel my pain! My team includes: a family doctor, a rheumatologist, and a pain management specialist. My pain management doctor manages my medicine, thats all! I refuse to live my life in pain and if that means taking medicine then so be it. I've had five different types of injections in my low spine, none of them worked. I've had to try several types of RA medication to find what works. I've tried Himura, Embrel, and now I get remicade injections (pardon the spelling of the meds), I'm hoping that will work but if it doesn't I will continue to work with my rheumatologist to figure it out. That is on top of Methotrexate, Vitamin D, Folic Acid. These are just to treat the RA. I tried Prednzone and it didn't do anything for me (except make me fat and miserable...my husband asked when I would be off it). I ALSO take other pain meds such as tramadol, hydrocodone, gabapentin, Robaxin (muscle relaxer). DO NOT feel bad for wanting to live without pain. I am hoping the remicade will allow me to lower the other pain meds I take but until it does my daughter needs to be picked up out of her crib, fed, carried, changed, my high school students need me walking around answering questions, taking care of them, monitoring the halls, and I've got laundry, dishes, and a husband who can't do it all alone (though he does more than his fair share). I can't live the live I've chosen and be in pain, no one should have to! I have honest discussions with my doctors about addiction, and told them I'm not comfortable with that word. They told me I'm not n addict, I'm dependent on the meds and there is a big difference. Addicts lie and will do anything for a high, I want pain relief, not a "high." I am no where near an addict. I am honest with my doctor and we problem solve together about what works and what doesn't.I feel better after talking to them about my concerns with medicines, they know the research on addiction and actually do deal with real addicts. You are not an addict, far from it. Talk to your doctor about how you feel and you should figure out what works together. You should know that I started out with low amounts of pain medicine built up a tolerance to the medicine, it won't work as well and you will need more just to get the same relief. My doctors move different medicines down and others up, it's a science, but it works. I have a good relationship with my doctors and trust them. I have to.
Education is power, I encourage you to research chronic pain and learn all you can not only about drug dependency but your condition as well. You are becoming a part of a group no one wants to but we don't have a choice, learn all you can about it, posting here was an excellent way to start acquiring knowledge.
I hope I've given you some useful information even if it is the fact that you are not crazy, alone, or seeking medication. Take care of yourself. Remember you are your best advocate.
God Bless,
Crystal