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Schizophrenia.... or Delusional Disorder?
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miasmakitten posted:
I have been experiencing delusions for approximately six years now, since I was 16. I am paranoid that there are people watching me and if I write or talk about certain things something very bad will happen. I am paranoid that certain people are after me, either to contain, torture or kill me. I sometimes hear music or a small series of words at varying volume and order (sometimes the words or music is randomised instead of how one expects to hear it). This is usually when I am very tired and stressed. I have trouble relaxing, I can not focus on any task for a great length, I have agoraphobia (can barely leave my room sometimes if other people are in areas of the house that are close by) and at night I find it very hard to let myself fall asleep. During this time, I feel very stressed and in mental pain though I am unsure why. I find it impossible to connect intense feelings with their corresponding emotions. Underneath all this I have delusions about my sense of self and reality. I believe I am a being from someplace else, my real life (as I call it) was immense and during this time I experienced many traumas including torture, conditioning, loss of children, captivity and persecution. I believe this is real and the mental instabilities I experience are caused by these traumas. I crave and fear persecution and this can be very confusing. I feel fractured and am unable to function in society. Is this schizophrenia or just delusion disorder? I am very confused and frustrated and I feel I am in pain, which also confuses me.
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