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Mindless Self Indulgence... Part 3 (soon over)
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An_215642 posted:
Growing more agitated from lack of anything working since college, my frustration for an answer to what is wrong grows. First it's depression, then it's bipolar, then adult ADHD (or something) and wow... that was a mistake. Speed for me was noooot a good thing. I had my first psychotic break when starting Adderall. Curled up in a ball for... I dunno... a while... my fiance freeeaked (she's no longer around... can you believe it?) And if it wasn't that... oh the agitation and aggression.

So... we don't take that anymore.

Now... I'm resigned to the notion that there is nothing that can help me. No medication is going to make these things go away... so seeking it out is futile. I need a new way to cope... the problem is... embracing this doesn't result in anything positive... so... I have to fight my nature which is to corrupt, manipulate and ultimately destroy. Rinse... and repeat.

So... yeah... I'm sick of typing.

The point?

Twofold. I needed something to give my therapist. I don't have one... but I think this might start an interesting discussion. Perhaps... just maybe... they won't think this is all in my head.

I JUST WANT HELP! I WANT TO BE WELL! DON'T TELL ME I'M OKAY! I'M NOT! I'M NOT MAKING THIS UP!

As you can see... I'm not particularly thrilled with anyone's response that "you're fine" or "this is normal" because I know it's not. If you've read all this..... do you have any doubt?

Or... perhaps everyone goes through this... and I'm just relaying a very common life experience.

That's the second part.... if anyone would know if I'm truly schizophrenic... this group would.

So... what do you think?

There's more... but I think this will suffice for now.
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mimainy responded:
I just want you to know you aren't alone. I just posted for the first time on here, and everything you wrote sounds like my life. I'm sooooo frustrated too...and I cant even get to a therapist for lack of money. I don't have any answers, but I am wondering the same thing...tired of people telling me I am just depressed, or make bad decisions, or have a drug problem. I am starting to explore the possibility that I'm really sicker than I, or anybody else for that matter, wanted to believe. I can only say, try to hang on, that is what I am doing, til I find a better solution...
 
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An_215643 responded:
You write well. You could probably write a few best-selling novels.

If I were you, I'd print out what you wrote and bring it with you to your therapist's or psychiatrist's office.

It sounds to me as if you are dealing with a number of issues, which may or may not include schizophrenia or bipolar disorder, etc.

Whatever it may be, I hope you find the help you are looking for.


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