Schizophrenia

I've held my part time job for many years, almost since I was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia and prescribed medications a decade ago. I've even stayed on the same or similar medications and not had a hospitalization or major problem since then.

However, I am missing lots of days at my job, calling in "sick", and when I'm there I'm intensely bored with the work and dissatisfied with my coworkers. I've thought of asking my doctor to see a counselor, but I don't trust the medical privacy of it, nor am I very motivated in such situations.

Changing jobs would be impossible. I would never find a 12 hour a week job like this one, and there would be so much uncertainty about whether it would be any improvement. And I'm extremely limited here by the transportation. Also, changes are very stressful for me.

I can't figure out what to do. I go to my clerical job, get bored, tend to eat a lot of unhealthy fast food during work then feel awful about it. Sometimes I leave my money at home so I can't buy snacks, but then feel like I'm being tortured to get through the 4 hours. Sometimes I try to just buy fruit, but it hasn't worked yet.

And the coworkers. I'm male, and they're almost all female, talking incessantly about their boyfriends (I'm well over 40 and have no interest in this), their upcoming marriages, their pregnancies, their babies. It's incredibly uninteresting and I rarely talk for the entire 4 hours.

There is also one employee I sort of consider a bully, but that would require another post to explain.

I can't figure out what to do. I wish I could stay home every day and just watch tv, use my computer, and relax.